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Thread: Trip & Fall

  1. #1
    ♡ Your Royal Sprinkles ♡ Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake has a reputation beyond repute Princess Cupcake's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Trip & Fall

    The more I think about it,
    The more I canít live without it,
    Any yeah,
    My mind wonders.
    Well oh,
    I get in these daily blunders.
    Of course,
    I trip and fall,
    But never will I lose it all.

    I find myself staring into space.
    I canít help picturing your face.
    And yeah,
    I pretend youíre hear.
    Well oh,
    I need you near.
    Of course,
    I trip and fall,
    But never will I lose it all.

    My outer shell is so tough,
    The inner me has had enough.
    And yeah,
    Weíre all so fragile. [Fraj - aisle]
    Well oh,
    Itís never been this hard to smile.
    Of course,
    I trip and fall,
    But here Iíll lie & continue to bawl.

    These are like lyrics. Kinda. See, I really like country songs and the rhymes just came to me so freely. I hope you like my poem! And don't forget, contructive criticism! Please and thank you. (And yep, I say fragile differently then some.) <3

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  2. #2
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    Default

    lol I see that, and it's good you pointed it out. I really like it, so much emotion and heart. The rhymes and repition of the lines sets the mood nicely. Could have done with a happy ending though.


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  3. #3
    boopaloop! None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above has a reputation beyond repute None of the above's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I really like your poem. And the rhymes and the repetitions are great. Keep it up!

  4. #4
    grabbed the Devil's nuts. Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom! has a reputation beyond repute Dr.McDoom!'s Avatar
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    Default

    lol, [Fraj - aisle] ?
    Well, some phrases, one after another, don't make sense to me, but i guess they'd sound better with a guitar song in the background. Yeah.

  5. #5
    Gothic Lolita Skyla-chan Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G has much to be proud of Skyla_G's Avatar
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    Default

    *groans* Hun, you keep asking for this contructive criticism but I cant find any flaws... no freys that need fixing... even if you were at a beat-nick joint I would ask you to read this EXACTLY how it is[meaning to leave in [fraj - aisle] it was like repeating... nyaa I know it was for a different reason but [I'm weird].

    This is funny... as I was reading it I was like "I feel like singing this!" lol and then I see that you intended it to be like a song. >.< That's the strength in this poem. How each poem has 'material' similarities but WAY different from eachother... nyaaaa! I'm gonna keep nagging you to write more, man!
    ~Skyla-chan xoxoxo
    *Ami~chan-sempai made this sig*

    *Ookami-sempai made this sig*

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