I Sin To See You

[Princess Cupcake]

I sin to see you.
The heart beats so rapidly.
I latch to your love.
The thoughts race so quikly.
I trip for your touch.
The body falls so wrecklessly.
I scream for your smile.
The voice echoes so loudly.
I follow your footsteps.
The trail goes on so endlessly.
I look for your laughter.
The sound fills the air so sweetly.
I miss our balmy moments.
The calm breeze surrounds us blissfully.
The heart beats so rapidly when,
I sin to see you.

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Wrote this poem for my loved one. I need some ratings, opinions, and advice. And if you could... tell me if my boyfriend was just being nice by saying that he liked it. He said it was deep too. It is. I put my heart into it. I consider it a bit corny too. Please and thankies. =]

[Daenerys]

Every other line has the same sounding word at the end, I think it's kind of redundant, I think it would be better with more sounds.

[Princess Cupcake]

I guess you could say that... but that's the way it's suppose to be. =[
It's not a thyming poem so I had to make it fit someway... but I'll try again with that. Thanks for you're advice. =]

[hameht]

It's alright, like he said, redundant, but alright. It has a nice bounce to it.

[Daenerys]

Uh yeah it does rhyme. Therefore it's a rhyming poem.

[Kitanoru]

It's a very insightful poem, well done! I really enjoyed reading that!awesome! Keep up the good work!

[snakevenom619]

i like this poam it has a feeling to it when i read it. i hope u rite more.

[Shadow Phoenix]

This poem is cool it really make's someone get on there soft side o_o;

[Princess Cupcake]

Uh yeah it does rhyme. Therefore it's a rhyming poem.

But how does it rhyme? It has similar sounds but I never made it rhyme.

And thanks guys, I appretiate your compliments!

[Saisashi~Arashi]

o_O I don't want to put you down sis... but I think its.... weird. oo;;;'' not good, not bad.. just.. weird. o_O;;;; better luck next time. <3

[Princess Cupcake]

o_O I don't want to put you down sis... but I think its.... weird. oo;;;'' not good, not bad.. just.. weird. o_O;;;; better luck next time. <3

Yus sister... but I am weird. Anyways, your comment is still valid to me. The freedom of words to use in poem creation drives me to make these kinds. >>; Blame them not me.

Thanks again to all you commenters! Reps for you =]

[LittleMomo]

Me likey this poem ^ ^ It has meaning yet it does rhyme anyway. ^ ^ keep it up Rukia-Kun!

[Princess Cupcake]

Lucky you thread necro, you. This died a long while ago...but thanks for saying that you liked it. I wrote it for my boyfriend but he's now my ex I believe... *shakes head* Nine whole months just wasted.

[LittleMomo]

Lucky you thread necro, you. This died a long while ago...but thanks for saying that you liked it. I wrote it for my boyfriend but he's now my ex I believe... *shakes head* Nine whole months just wasted.

I didn't know >.< Me sowies, thought it was that one. Instead it should be your fan-fic.

[Daenerys]

rapidly.
quikly.
wrecklessly.
loudly.
endlessly.
sweetly.
blissfully.

All those words rhyme, and were at the end of every other line, therefore, making the poem rhyme.

You should really look up words before you use them incorrectly.

[iMud]

I liked this poem a lot. It is really very sweet and has feeling. (^.^)

[Skyla_G]

Dorian Grey said "You should really look up words before you use them incorrectly." I don't understand this. Please explain.

I know I'm late on posting but I... wanted to? hehehe.

The imagery that started to form in my mind as I reached the bottom was the spiral of seasons. o.o' not sure if thats what it's supposed to portray... but hey... it's art... c'est la vie.

I can't get over how skilled you are at conjuring a canvas into my mind and then painting a picture that isn't a blur. With every line is a new message... separate messages but still on the same canvas. Each symbolic meaning gave me shivers ^-^ My favorite thing about the poem is how you reversed the top and bottom, thus surprising the reader which is one of the components to giving inspiration.[to me] It makes me think "I wonder if I could ever do that to my readers?"

Splendid poem darling, can't wait to see more! *searches the posts*
~Skyla-chan