News from Washington tonight: An independent candidate has stepped into the presidential running. His name is Cthulhu, and he's running from the Elder Party. He made this speech immediately following the announcement:
"For centuries, I've seen this great nation held back from it's ultimate power by poor leadership from hopeless meatsacks. The idiocies of former offices shall not be repeated. I will do all in my extensive power to correctly lead America to great and glorious victories in all fields. This nation is ruled by politicians who lie to you by saying that they're not evil. I, on the other hand, openly admit that I am evil."
When asked whether he was Republican, Democrat, liberal, conservitive, ect., he had this to say:
"Neither. Both are masses of idiots who's only use would be in fulfilling one of my meals. I represent a group of like-minded entities, the Elder Party."
After saying this, the reporters began questioning him on his views on various issues concerning political officials.
"I have lived for millions of years, many spent on this lump of rocks, and have a greater intellect than your greatest minds combined. I believe I have the authoritive word on this subject, and have this to say: The Earth is not heating up due to any gasses you've released."
"I will institute a policy beautiful in it's simplicity and effectiveness. I shall simply devour any who threaten my nation."
"I grew up amoung entities of many sexualities, hetero, homo, bi, tri, a, and some that have no comparison in your weak language. As for humans, disregard whatever evolutionary designs you want, you'll still taste like a human."
"So long as there is another generation produced that lives to breeding age, I care not what you do to your young. Kill them if you wish, it seems certainly fitting after I ate my mother immedeately after birth."
"Don't worry, I have a plan in motion to increase the number of jobs on the market, reduce our national debt, and which, by sheer coincidence, also includes providing me with a stable meal plan."
Cthulhu declined to answer further questions, and left the press conference. Political analysts have stated that jumping immedeatly into politics may have a positive effect on his standing, aided by his honest admission of being evil extraordinarily simple plans to handle government problems.
Jason Gettspadfardis had this to say about his policies:
However, his support is not unaminous:"He's doing what people have wanted from their candidates from years. He regards everyone as equal, and feels completely free to let them be themselves. Underneath that cruel face is a mind that sees every human as equal."
His main oppisistion, Flying Spahgetti Monster and Invisible Pink Unicorn have yet to respond to his challenge."Have you listened to him? His plans mainly involve eating his oppisition! How do we know this isn't the beginnings of a despotism?"