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Thread: Hell and Heaven on Earth

  1. #1
    cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes's Avatar
    Gil
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    Lightbulb Hell and Heaven on Earth

    hey me back with a new poem. its not that great but i have its not that horrible well enjoy read and plz leave a comment even a bad comment i'll make it better if u tell me whats wrong with it. ^^ its a bet about me being helped by someone when i was depressed or is. well have fun. and thnx for ya time ^.^


    Hell and Heaven on Earth
    i kept going down
    I was wearing a black gown
    I stoped at station Hell
    Burrning flesh was the smell
    I just wanted a drop of water
    I was going to die of hunger
    had I died and been baned from Earth
    oh how terrabile is the taste of Loath
    I didn't know dawn from night
    until I saw my saviour crack of light
    the light kept growing and to me coming
    then in it I saw a figure that was smilling
    I felt love at every drop of water to me given
    the food so delecious one bite made me feel at heaven
    the figure came to me and took me in its arms
    all of the world's warmth was placed at his hands
    I felt so happy like the world had gone to peace
    all my problems had suddenly gone to lease.
    *lost in the world of broken and dead hearts,
    traped in the mist of ones who lied,
    confused by how foolish i am ,
    wanting to disappear in my world alone with ones who care for me,
    is that forbidden to ask that-tell me someone*





    sig by Nespa thank u so much ur awsome !!! lol ^.^
    the famous Crimson Soul the best stalker ever

  2. #2
    Member famous is on a distinguished road famous's Avatar
    Gil
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    hey that was awsome
    it was great!

  3. #3
    cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes's Avatar
    Gil
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    thnx for the comment famous makes me feel so much better
    *lost in the world of broken and dead hearts,
    traped in the mist of ones who lied,
    confused by how foolish i am ,
    wanting to disappear in my world alone with ones who care for me,
    is that forbidden to ask that-tell me someone*





    sig by Nespa thank u so much ur awsome !!! lol ^.^
    the famous Crimson Soul the best stalker ever

  4. #4
    Red Order Member Suki The Werecat will become famous soon enough Suki The Werecat will become famous soon enough Suki The Werecat's Avatar
    Gil
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    Lovely...keep up the good work....
    May judgement be passed...

  5. #5
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    The rhymes seemed too forced, like you were trying to hard to make everything flow, and it didn't end up flowing afterall.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  6. #6
    cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes's Avatar
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    ya i need to work on that its that i cant write in this catigory yet im trying thnx princess Ai
    *lost in the world of broken and dead hearts,
    traped in the mist of ones who lied,
    confused by how foolish i am ,
    wanting to disappear in my world alone with ones who care for me,
    is that forbidden to ask that-tell me someone*





    sig by Nespa thank u so much ur awsome !!! lol ^.^
    the famous Crimson Soul the best stalker ever

  7. #7
    Beyond Redemption Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk is a splendid one to behold Amaruk's Avatar
    Gil
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    That was an awesome poem!! You r really good!!

  8. #8
    Member LotusBladez is a jewel in the rough LotusBladez is a jewel in the rough LotusBladez is a jewel in the rough LotusBladez's Avatar
    Gil
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    ^_^ I like that poem

    keep it up .. i guess.. >_>;;

  9. #9
    Circlejerk Elitist DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince's Avatar
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    I pretty much like this poem, PM me if you have more, I want to see more. ^_^

  10. #10
    Just because Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu has much to be proud of Treyu's Avatar
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    Hmmm, I agree with Ai.

    It does seem like you were searching for words that would rhyme. But in the end you seemed to have forced the words into it. It still is a very good poem (with a few grammar errors, but who's looking XD). Work on another one some more, and practice on the flow of the words! Other then that, well done and keep the poems coming!

    <33


  11. #11
    cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes's Avatar
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    why thank u ppl ^^ and i promise on working on the poem thnx again for reading it everybody didnt except anyone to leave a comment i thought it was a bad poem lol ^.^
    *lost in the world of broken and dead hearts,
    traped in the mist of ones who lied,
    confused by how foolish i am ,
    wanting to disappear in my world alone with ones who care for me,
    is that forbidden to ask that-tell me someone*





    sig by Nespa thank u so much ur awsome !!! lol ^.^
    the famous Crimson Soul the best stalker ever

  12. #12
    Senior Member ~Pure Soul~ is a jewel in the rough ~Pure Soul~ is a jewel in the rough ~Pure Soul~ is a jewel in the rough ~Pure Soul~'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Me like it..its really good.!!^^ Kepp it up..you have talent cherryblosmes!!!!
    Thanks you Bucky Katt for the theme

    Im back, Thank You for still being my friends. Im sorry I left.

  13. #13
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
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    If I have to delete anymore posts in this thread for not following the rules, I will close it.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  14. #14
    Senior Member Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna has a reputation beyond repute Aleyna's Avatar
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    yay! cherryblosmes!!! im sorry i didn't get to your poem til now!!! oh i like this 1!!! u r getting better at flowing, i can tell!!! this poem kinda stopped flowing towards the end, i seem to have trouble finding where to end at my poems, i was once a beginning poet like u, u got a good flow potential, just keep practicing, u will find the kincks soon and fix them up

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  15. #15
    Mahal Kita Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki has a reputation beyond repute Tsuneki's Avatar
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    That Was Awsome Keep It Up!!
    ~ Beautiful set by Sinny ~
    [Neki's Facebook]
    I'm back <3

  16. #16
    Senior Member ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord's Avatar
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    yay?

  17. #17
    Senior Member ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord is a jewel in the rough ryuu_underworld_overlord's Avatar
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    Wink

    naw really it was good I really like it please make more

  18. #18
    cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes has much to be proud of cherryblosmes's Avatar
    Gil
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    wow thnx u guys that was really awsome i promise to get better in the flow thing i promise. thnx again makes me feel great lol ^^
    *lost in the world of broken and dead hearts,
    traped in the mist of ones who lied,
    confused by how foolish i am ,
    wanting to disappear in my world alone with ones who care for me,
    is that forbidden to ask that-tell me someone*





    sig by Nespa thank u so much ur awsome !!! lol ^.^
    the famous Crimson Soul the best stalker ever

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