Despair

[Treyu]

Despair


Lost in the sea of her soul,
The maiden cries alone.


Her heart a broken song,
Just needing to be sung.


She holds a star in her hand,
Like a mother would cup their child.


Tears fall into its flame,
And the star begins to grow.


And soon the brightness consumes her,
Drowning her dead soul.




Authors Notes: Here is another poem, a one I wrote quickly the other day. Hope you enjoy it (although I dont think it is as good as "Destinys Wings" XD)

[Aleyna]

how come nobody has made comments on this poem?!?!

treyu i haven't seen the great work of imagery in poetry in a long time!!!
gotta give reps to u!!!

[Treyu]

Thank you ^.^;

I love imagry... and thank you for the reps XD

[Cat_Demon]

So very few comments, such great work.

I love your work, style of writing, etc etc.

Reps for ya.

[Princess Cupcake]

Poems aren't good and they aren't bad. They can't be labeled. It's the authors form of expression. I like your poem a lot. Nice job =]

[cherryblosmes]

i love ur poem reminds me of another poem. that was a great work of art Treyu ^^ keep posteing em lol

[dna_angel]

I love it. I will rate it.... EXCELLENT!!!
Job well done! Keep up the good work!

[halcyon23]

good job Treyu

[DarkMoonPrince]

I really do like this poem, You put effort into it, And I hope to see more.

[Music Fiend]

Impressive work, Treyu. I don't see a lot of poems here that have a dynamic choice of vocabulary, or evoke such great imagery, but yours does. One thing that I didn't understand, was the following stanza - well, the second line of it, at least:

She holds a star in her hand,

Like a mother would cup their child.

Shouldn't it be "her child"? If you use "their", shouldn't "mother" be plural, with the "a" dropped from the line? I don't know for sure...it just sounds weird. I don't have the sharpest grammar skills, so don't hold me to that. Anyway, great job. You have a new fan now, in me!

[Treyu]

Hmmm, you are right, although it isnt a huge problem.

The thing is, that it said 'her' above it... and I don't particularly like using the same word in the stanza's. So I just put their in.

But you are correct in the fact that 'her' would work. But pluralizing 'mother' would confuse things and I would have to then change many many things. Like drop the 'a' and have to change 'child' to 'children'. XD

[Naomidancing]

I really like this poem. The name suites the emtion that comes from this poem as well. have you ever tryed to make a huiku at all? Becuase, I think you would be great at making that type of poetry (as well as others).

[Treyu]

Yeah...

Those are 5,7,5 right?

Give me a subject and I can do one XD