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  1. #1
    A Work In Progress _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Fanfiction Question

    NOTE: I didn't know whether to put this in the fanfiction forums or not, if I could, could you please move me there? I didn't want to spam.

    Anyways, I want to know a direct link to any Naruto Mary Sue fanfiction. I'm starting to write fanfiction, and my main character plays a big role in Naruto. I don't want her to become a godmodding "Mary Sue", because I know people hate it. A LOT. So I just wanted links to Mary Sue stories so I know what not to do.

    So I'm not spamming, could someone post some tips and tricks so that my character does NOT become a Mary Sue? Anything would help. It would be MUCH appreciated. ^^
    Last edited by _allismine_; 04-01-2006 at 06:24 PM.

  2. #2
    boopaloop! Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111 has a reputation beyond repute Faceless111's Avatar
    Gil
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    Who the hell is Mary Sue?

    But I guess the search bar would help.

    face·less –adjective 2.lacking personal distinction or identity


  3. #3
    A Work In Progress _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_'s Avatar
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    A "Mary Sue" is like a godmodding forced protoganist in fanfiction; the perfect character, who can do no wrong.
    I've taken tons of quizzes...and my character is definitley one. I need to fix her. Immediate. Mo.

  4. #4
    Why don't fingers fing? Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii's Avatar
    Gil
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    You should post a bio of your character. It'll be easier for us to point out problems if we know what she's like.


  5. #5
    A Work In Progress _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_ is infamous around these parts _allismine_'s Avatar
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    Okay, here goes. This biography is going to be put on the introduction chapter, so the fanfic won't be cluttered up with it.

    Her name is Yuni Ookamiza. At the start of the series, she is 12 years old (just like everyone else).
    Yuni is 4’11’’, and is, in fact, a resident of Konoha. She has bright silver, canine-like eyes, and NO fangs. Her skin is a slight tan, with somewhat of a slightly rough complexion. She has straight, waist-length black hair, with two red stripes running down either side. She wasn’t an exceptionally beautiful girl, but quite pretty nevertheless.
    She wears a thick, gray, cloth turtleneck. She has a decent body structure, pretty much average for someone her age. Her thighs are thicker than everyone else’s (and we’re not talking muscle here -_-"), but she hides her disadvantage cleverly with a pair of black shorts, which are covered with a knee-length, black cloth skirt. She wears a silver chain necklace, with a crescent moon pendant at the end.
    She has a very nice personality, but is a bit tougher and braver than all the other females, and can get overly-defensive if provoked. She is strong, talented, and booksmart (she’s second best in the Academy), but she doesn’t plan things out very well, and has problems completely analyzing situations before acting. Her worst fear is letting her teammates down.
    Yuni hails from the Ookamiza clan, aka ‘The Wolves of the Moonlight’, who were complete masters of chakra control, and, as a team, could take down any demon for a price. They were all half-wolf, but did not, I repeat, DID NOT use wolves as summoned creatures in battles OR as pets. No wolves were involved. Their complete history is detailed later on in the chapters.
    The Ookamiza clan, as a group, took down the Houkou (five tailed demon dog) on their own. Because Yuni was the prophesied genius of the Ookamiza clan, they locked the Houkou away inside Yuni when she was a baby. The difference between Yuni, Naruto, and Gaara, is that Naruto and Gaara had their demons sealed inside of them, which means that Naruto and Gaara can tap into their demons’ powers and wield them for themselves. Yuni, on the other hand, had the Houkou LOCKED inside of her, which simply means that she cannot tap into any of its powers. Instead, at the cost of the rest of her chakra, she can summon the Houkou using a variation of ‘Kuchiyose no Jutsu’.
    The Ookamiza clan was powerful, but were all slaughtered by Orochimaru when Yuni was seven. The Ookamiza clan could sense the chakra level among others to find out how powerful they were, but their weakness was a major one: The Ookamiza clan cannot sense their own chakra level, which ended up to be their downfall in the end. Yuni carries the same fate as well, which leads her to ending up in *quite* a lot of comas.
    The crescent moon necklace Yuni wears is her Kekkei Genkai. She has a total of 8 powers; 3 weapon transformations, 3 chakra-based weapon-enhancing Jutsu, the variation of ‘Kuchiyose no Jutsu’ to summon Houkou, and a light telepathic ability Houkou gave her, all (except the latter) using a lot of chakra. The telepathic ability is nothing amazing, because it can only move decently weighted things. She usually uses it to Move kunai and shuriken, so as not to waste chakra when throwing them.

    Here are a few Mary Sue characteristics I confirm or deny.
    NO, she does not always save the day. YES, she sometimes is a MAJOR spotlight thief (but not to the point that Naruto isn’t the main character). NO, not all of the boys fall for her. YES, there are a couple of love interests (that develop over time, no love-at-first-sights). NO, she is not angsty. YES, she has a bad past that she only ever reveals to Naruto and Sasuke, who are her teammates. NO, she doesn’t escape every battle unscathed. YES, she does, in fact, escape every battle. NO, she doesn’t majorly influence / change the life of everyone she meets. YES, everyone knows about her. NO, she’s not rebellious (she respects authority highly). YES, she does fight a lot. NO, she is not immediately better than everyone she meets. YES, she’s a fast learner. NO, she couldn’t sing or play in instrument if her life depended on it. YES, she is very good at what she does. NO, children and animals aren't always nice / mysteriously attracted to her. YES, she can talk to dogs and wolves. NO, she is not necessarily the strongest person of all time. YES, her chakra makes up for its level with its strength. NO, she does not die. YES, she does, in fact, KEEP her battle scars, unlike some characters I know. Ooooooo. Think about that.

    So, what do you think? Please don't flame me; she's my very first attempt. ^_^
    Last edited by _allismine_; 04-03-2006 at 08:33 PM.

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