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Thread: Original Fiction: What of the Warriors? (part two)

  1. #1
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    Default Original Fiction: What of the Warriors? (part two)


    What of the Warriors?

    -begin chapter two-



    Nea finally found her voice, but it sounded like it came from far away. "...Is that a bad thing?" she asked, trying to hide the tremble in her voice.


    Retesoko smirked, a phsycotic smirk. "No. It suprised me, and I enjoy suprises." He looked around at the five kitsune corpses. "The bloodlust has been satisfied. I don't think I'll be killing you." he finished as he began walking towards the village. Nea hurried after him.

    --------------------

    At the village, Teech walked into the village hall surprised. “Imperial Ninjas?” he thought. Two of them, a male and female. There was no mistaking their black robes. He didn’t even want to think of how many weapons might be concealed under those robes.


    The apparent commander of the two walked towards him with that smooth, calculated pace chacteristic of the Ninjas. “You are Teech, captain of the guard for this village?” The lead, male, asked. The secondary stayed behind and put one hand insider her robes.


    Teech swallowed his fear and put his best voice forwad: “Yes. Is there some reason the Empress has sent Ninjas into our village?”


    “We have need of tracking a fugitive from a rouge clan. Your aid is required.”


    “Do you know the name of this fugitive?”

    “You would know her as Nea.” The lead answered.


    Teech’s eyes widened. Nea? But… she was an orphan and didn’t know her clan. Evan as he thought this, he decided to try and get her away once he found her. What he didn’t realized is that Ninjas can read faces and expressions.


    Should we trust him? The secondary motioned out in hand language.


    No. Attachment, can’t take the risk. The lead motioned back.


    Three throwing stars buried themselves in Teech’s throat before he could register the sudden flicking of the secondary’s hand.


    “That was wasteful. We could have simply done our search without him.” The secondary complained.


    “No. We take no chances. You saw the obvious attatchment.” The lead replied.


    Within ten minutes, a sad villager was pounding a wanted ad into the signboards. Wanted: Nea. Reward: 500 Ryo. The Imperial Ninjas had already left. They had the Empress’s authorization to kill at need. They didn't worry about reprecussions.


    --------------------


    Later and in the swamps, Retesoko and Nea sat by a campfire. Retesoko had his katana(28”) out and running a sharpening block down the blade. Now that her senses weren’t dulled by adrenaline, Nea saw the blade was serrated. Retesoko had explained all his blades were such: “It was standard issue to the Metaso brigade.” This, in turn, made her wonder more about the Metaso brigade. He didn’t seem old, maybe a year or two more than her 20 years.

    "Well. I'm going to be near the stream." Nea said as she got up and walked off. Retesoko didn't give any sign he acknowleged.


    Unknown to the both of them, the Ninjas from before were watching both of them. And they had noticed Retesoko's sword.


    Two bounties. the secondary signaled.


    Correct. Take the female. I have the male.

    -end chapter two-

    Author's note: Please, please, I beg of you on my knees to comment.
    Last edited by Opinionated; 03-30-2006 at 09:16 PM.

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  2. #2
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    I didn't see Teech's death coming, thats for sure. Where can I find the prelude to this.... I went back a couple pages and couldn't find it. I wanted to read it before I read this. Regardless, it was very good, and I'm now anticipating the events of the next installment.

    Write on!

  3. #3
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    Here's the first chapter.

    Thanks for the reply, Li. Just F.Y.I., the first chapter may not be quite as clear as this one. The reason this is so much more story advancing and clearing than the first is because I went through three major plot ideas getting to this one.
    Last edited by Opinionated; 03-30-2006 at 10:01 PM.

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  4. #4
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    Thanks! I'll get right to reading it.

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    A OP we bumped heads in the past but this is not y I am responding I am responding cause this is a really great story! Keep up that grade A writing work!
    my famliy Lorie, anime 911, Guilty Gear, blackfuse81, Jiraiya, animeglobe

  6. #6
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    Hmm...it was okay. I know you can do better though dude. Mistakes!

    Evan as he thought this, he decided to try and get her away once he found her.
    Should be "even" my good fellow.

    No. Attachment, can’t take the risk.
    I'm not sure about this one. Maybe switch around the periond and comma??? I;m usually better with grammar, sorry..

    You are Teech, captain of the guard for this village?” The lead, male, asked.
    "...lead, male, asked..." Kinda awkward...

    I think the rest is fine. Finally you got Ch 2 up. I was wondering if I had missed it...


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    lol, Cap is such a tough critic!
    Dont worry, I make spelling mistakes all the time when I'm typing fast...

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading this...it was different, which is really refreshing when all you see is: Inuyasha marries your mom, Sailor Moon future as a man...and stupid crap like that....

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    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaruDashi
    lol, Cap is such a tough critic!
    Dont worry, I make spelling mistakes all the time when I'm typing fast...

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading this...it was different, which is really refreshing when all you see is: Inuyasha marries your mom, Sailor Moon future as a man...and stupid crap like that....
    lol Hey, my fiction wasn't at all like that Maru! Mine was an original story. I like original better, and I definitely hate OOC fanfics. *shivers* People just use the anime/manga's popularity to get readers. But I really did like it OP. I think it would do better with a more significant conversation between Retesoko and Nea.


    Back, by popular demand! Now with new avy.


  9. #9
    boopaloop! Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated has a reputation beyond repute Opinionated's Avatar
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    Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I agree, more conversation would be better. I'm just trying to get one started. After the
     
    big action sequence in the beginning of the next chapter.
    Last edited by Opinionated; 04-01-2006 at 11:53 AM.

    All my Let's Plays can be found here!
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