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Thread: jokes, random, dumb, and maybe if its okay w/everyone, blonde

  1. #1
    Member ranma_my_luv has a spectacular aura about ranma_my_luv has a spectacular aura about ranma_my_luv's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default jokes, random, dumb, and maybe if its okay w/everyone, blonde

    ummm alla nd any jokes, dumb blonde jokes are a maybe, if anyone takes offense to anyjoke, post it and all jokes will stop ^^ so.....yeah( preverted jokes r always funny^^;; )
    Last edited by ranma_my_luv; 09-11-2005 at 06:05 PM.


    Sig thanks toaYaMe5967~^_^~

  2. #2
    Keeper of the All-Spark Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn's Avatar
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    Stop me if you've heard this one... On second thought don't cos theres prolly somebody who aint heard it yet.



    One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes.

    Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

    The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.

    The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay."


    (No offense meant to anyone.)
    Last edited by Draconocturn; 09-11-2005 at 06:07 PM.
    (Sig by ME)

  3. #3
    Member ranma_my_luv has a spectacular aura about ranma_my_luv has a spectacular aura about ranma_my_luv's Avatar
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    lmao ok that was pretty good, i was asking a friend and this is what he told me

    pirate 1:*walks around the ship's deck with a stearing wheel in his zipper*
    pirate 2: *walks up to pirate 1* u know u have a stearing wheel in ur pants right?
    pirate 1: aarrgghh its drivin me nuts

    dont mind my friend, hes a little weird ^^;;


    Sig thanks toaYaMe5967~^_^~

  4. #4
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
    Gil
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    Why did the blonde jump off the building?



    To see if her kotex had wings.



  5. #5
    Keeper of the All-Spark Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn's Avatar
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    Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

    A: Nothin' she ain't already been told twice.
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    Senior Member -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu- has a reputation beyond repute -Shizu-'s Avatar
    Gil
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    1 time a little thingie was walking across a road and then it started to relax...then suddenly a giant spider came and said "i am going to eat you...you....thingie....what are u anyway?" the little thingie said "i am a thingie" the giant spider said "ok...time to start eating!" then an emu came walking down the road and fell asleep on the giant spider. the giant spider said "what the hell!?" then the little thingie siad "this is hell!" and brung out bazooka. then the little thingie shot the giant spider and the emu woke up and walked away.And then the little thingie commited suicide.

  7. #7
    Keeper of the All-Spark Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn's Avatar
    Gil
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    try some of these!


    101 ways to annoy the crap out of people

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

    12. Sniffle incessantly.

    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

    14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

    16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

    26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

    27. Wear a special hip holster for your
    remote control.

    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

    30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

    34. Drum on every available surface.

    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
    into peoples backpacks.

    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

    41. Set alarms for random times.

    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

    45. Honk and wave to strangers.

    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

    48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

    49. Wear your pants backwards.

    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

    51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

    53. only type in lowercase.

    54. dont use any punctuation either

    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

    59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

    65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

    67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

    68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

    70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

    71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

    73. Drive half a block.

    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

    75. Ask people what gender they are.

    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

    83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

    85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

    88. Sing along at the opera.

    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

    90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
    about "psychological profiles."

    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

    96. Never make eye contact.

    97. Never break eye contact.

    98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

    99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

    101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
    (Sig by ME)

  8. #8
    Stronger Beyond Belief Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007 has a reputation beyond repute Marie2007's Avatar
    Gil
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    cute and funny but to be honest a little inmature
    Sometimes The Minute You Give Up On Everything Somebody Shows Up And Cheers You Up Right Before Your Very Eyes It Happened To Me And He Knows Who He Is I Hope.

  9. #9
    Keeper of the All-Spark Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn's Avatar
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    What? Man thas the second time this friggin week..., What exactly is with you people? Isnt this a humor thread? Its not meant to be taken seriously. Ye gods....

    So our exam finishes and I go to hand my paper in about 2 minutes late, and the teacher says "Sorry, no more exams to be handed in, it's too late, you get zero" so I go "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" And she goes all cocky and says "No, I do not." So I go "Good!" I pick up the papers and slid my exam in somewhere in the middle of them all.
    (Sig by ME)

  10. #10
    The Moron With No Flare sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf has a reputation beyond repute sumae_the_firewolf's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Draconocturn
    Stop me if you've heard this one... On second thought don't cos theres prolly somebody who aint heard it yet.



    One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes.

    Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

    The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.

    The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay."


    (No offense meant to anyone.)
    LOL okies here it goes
    A blonde was in a barber shop and she had head phones on the barber asked "Can you please take those off?"
    The blonde replied, "I can't. I'll die if I do."
    So the barber cut around the head phones.
    the next day the same thing happened. He cut around them again.
    The fifth day it happened he took the headphones from the blonde.
    when he saw she was dead he put the headphones on they said, "breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out"
    XD old I know.


    If my past dosn't haunt you, my future will. If I didn't love you then, i'll love you now. Don't worry. I'll start over new, Get over it, and recover.

  11. #11
    Keeper of the All-Spark Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn has a reputation beyond repute Draconocturn's Avatar
    Gil
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    roflmbo


    A guy breaks into a house and look around trying to figure out what to steal. Then all of a sudden he hears “Jesus is watching you.” he looks around but see nothing so he just thinks its his conscious and pushes the though aside.

    10 min. later he hears again “Jesus is watching you,” so this time he takes out a flashlight and shines it around. Then he spots a parrot and it said to him “Jesus is watching you.”

    The guys just stares at it, and then finally asks, “What’s your name?”

    The parrot said, “My name is Moses”

    The guys says, “What kind of idiot would name his parrot Moses?”

    The parrot replies, “The kind of idiot that names his Rottwiler Jesus.”
    (Sig by ME)

  12. #12
    Why don't fingers fing? Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii has a reputation beyond repute Kewii's Avatar
    Gil
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    We have a joke thread. Please do a search.


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