Added note: "5 or more". So, if they wear a pin that says, "I am goth" and they TELL YOU, "I am a goth", and that is the only two items they match, then they aren't goth? Haha ...
-Frequently wears black clothing.
>>Sometimes, doesn't mean I'm a goth o_O;
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
>> Nope, never have.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
>> That would be weird on me.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
>> Does an alto clef count?
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
>> My sister has a pierced ear. Does that make her goth?
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
>> Students at my school claim to the be the anti-Christ. Should I throw them away too?
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
>> I -am- eccentric. Nope, still not goth.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
>> I read the first page of Genesis and put the Bible down. I haven't prayed for eight years, I have only gone to church by force, and I hate sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
>> Does watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel count?
>> Well, my mommy did force me to take meds for my ADHD and OCD while I was growing up ...
>> Hell, my mother lets me.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
>> Isn't that some sign of a MENTAL illness such as bipolar or major depression? Don't take away their stuff! Get MEDICAL help you MORONS! *sigh*
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
>> I'm too much of a wuss to do this. That's another sign of major depression.
-Complains of boredom.
>> Wow ... does that make every teenager ALIVE a goth?
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
>> Read last response.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
>> Read second to last response.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
>> Again, look up.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
>> Isn't that called privacy?
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
>> Repetative questions are useless.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
>> What? Is it so bad that I don't want to talk about my little boyhood adventures without my mother listening in?
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
>> Only when they treat me like a child. I'm 18 for crying out loud.
-Misbehaves at school.
>> Only to the God-fearing teachers.
-Misbehaves at home.
>> Independant thoughts are the sign of the devil's infestation of my soul!
-Eats excessively or too little
>> What? So I like tastey things!
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
>> ... I know three year olds that eat that cereal.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
>> ... okay, I'll give you this one. Yeah ... they are a bit freaky if they drink blood.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 1
>> That would mean Hour of Power, right?
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
>> That's pretty much every game. Wait, wait, isn't role-playing considering TEAM WORK? God, since when is team work a devil's key?
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
>> ... I've racked up a few hundred thousand hours on the comp ... should I be scared?
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
>> Didn't Elvis do that? Oh yeah, he's your version of the anti-Christ.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
>> Haha, isn't all forms of dancing "provocative"?
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
>> Hahahaha, so because I like science, that makes me a goth?
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
>> Talk about the obvious proof.
-Claims to be a goth.
>> A parent needs a handbook to tell them that when their child says, "I am a goth" that means they are a goth? God ... someone save their poor souls.