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Thread: IGNITE - Any suggestions/corrections?

  1. #1
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    Default IGNITE - Any suggestions/corrections?

    I'm still kinda new to translating, and needless to say, I'm still not that experienced.
    So I figured I should try asking around here for some help, before submitting. Thanks in advance!
    Here's the link: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/sao2/ignite.htm

    What I was able to come up with:

    Now, without a second thought,
    Pull the trigger on this inconsistent world.

    I thought I understood what kindness meant
    From the warmth of a shedded tear.
    Yet why do I keep hurting others?
    Thus giving birth to more hatred.

    If the strength acquired from the pain I keep locked inside,
    Will someday softly cover the future, then..

    Now, without a second thought,
    Pull the trigger on this inconsistent world.
    Covered in red tears, softly, softly embracing this sorrow,
    In order for the sound of the beginning, to take the place of my reverberated impulses.

    Distorted noises echoing through my ears;
    Gradually devouring up my memories.
    But even if I sent my prayers, and only stood stock still,
    It wouldn't make a difference.

    Even my heart's quivering sounds, are undoubtedly growing weaker.
    So before the palely shining flame goes out..

    Now, tossing all fear away,
    I'll unshackle this version of me, that's still stuck living in the past.
    Putting my faith in tomorrow,
    I'll smash down the rusted door.
    Just like my strained feelings, cutting through the silent darkness..

    As the shooting stars flicker,
    The world will be born once more
    And once I see the curtains rise across the night sky, then, surely..

    Now, without a second thought,
    Pull the trigger on this inconsistent world.
    Covered in red tears, softly, softly embracing this sorrow,
    In order for the sound of the beginning, to take the place of my reverberated impulses.
    Last edited by Haze~; 09-03-2014 at 12:38 PM.

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    Default Re: IGNITE - Any suggestions/corrections?

    Welcome! Good to see you here. Overall this looks good for a first attempt, I just have a few small notes.

    >From the warmth of a shedded tear.

    Nitpicking, but the past tense of "shed" is just "shed."

    >Yet why do I keep hurting others?

    Since it's 傷つけ合って, that implies to me that the hurting is mutual--"why do we keep hurting each other?"

    >Covered in red tears, softly, softly embracing this sorrow,

    I think "赤い涙で覆われた" is modifying "悲しみ" here--"sorrow covered in red tears."

    >I'll unshackle this version of me, that's still stuck living in the past.

    "怯える" means "to fear," so the singer is afraid of the past.

    I hope this is helpful to you!

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    Default Re: IGNITE - Any suggestions/corrections?

    >Nitpicking, but the past tense of "shed" is just "shed."

    Yeah, sorry. It just sounded a bit weird.

    >Yet why do I keep hurting others?

    Since it's 傷つけ合って, that implies to me that the hurting is mutual--"why do we keep hurting each other?"

    Oh, wow. I didn't notice that. Thanks!

    >Covered in red tears, softly, softly embracing this sorrow,

    I think "赤い涙で覆われた" is modifying "悲しみ" here--"sorrow covered in red tears."

    I figured as much. xD I'll have to work on that part.

    >I'll unshackle this version of me, that's still stuck living in the past.

    "怯える" means "to fear," so the singer is afraid of the past.

    By "stuck living in the past", I meant that she (the singer), is being controlled by her past (due to fear). Come to think of it, I guess I didn't make that part very clear. I'll try keeping it as simple as possible. Thanks for the feedback!

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