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Thread: Does this make sense?

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    Default Does this make sense?

    I decided to make a song in Japanese out of nowhere even though my grammar is horrible. Here's the first line I made:

    止まれ、止まれ、息をやめてくれよ。
    あなたが息に値するじゃない。
    アホバカ。

    I think the "するじゃない" part is wrong, along with the "くれよ" part, but I'm not sure.
    Any suggestions?
     
    息を止めるまで拒絶する。

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    Default Re: Does this make sense?

    I've seen くれて shortened to just くれ before, so I suppose it's acceptable.

    As for するじゃない, it would only work in the "isn't it?" sense of じゃない. The negative form of する is しない. There is also するんじゃない which roughly means "it is not the case that ..."

    I've never seen 止まる used outside of physical movement (e.g. stop walking). In the more general case (e.g. stop doing) it has always bee やめる.

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