I'm working on a translation of Splash Free, the ending theme to Free! and it got me thinking of a stylistic thing that's been bothering me for a while, never can decide how to handle it, and I thought I'd ask for some input from fellow lyric translators.
You have a line like this, where the parenthesis echoes the end of the line:
Do you translate them literally and separately, like:
There are days when we get too worked up (there are)
or keep with the style, like:
There are days when we get too worked up (too worked up)
My preference is to go with the latter... but I get in trouble sometimes with choosing style over meaning.
And now suddenly I've thought of another similar situation. What about when the parts in parenthesis are part of an entire sentence? My first thought for an example is a song from Azumanga Daioh
When did a translation of this song ages ago I didn't have any problem taking the stanza as a whole like:
On my way home (I want to take)
A roundabout way (To drop in and see)
But if the song were, say, a duet, and the parenthesis were two different characters going back and forth, I'd feel bad changing the meaning of what that particular character was saying (if that makes sense), so when I did the ending theme to Zoids Genesis, which is a duet, the result was awkward...
To be by your side (That's all I want!)
...but it felt more "right" somehow to translate it separately in this case.
What do you guys think?