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Thread: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

  1. #1
    Empress of Ice Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix has a reputation beyond repute Genghis Beatrix's Avatar
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    Default Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    With the dangers of online dating, one needs to consider if the relationship can actually be real or fake. There have been so many stories where people were raped and killed after being drawn to a person *cough*predator*cough*.

    Discuss.
    Is it worth it?
    Do they actually work?
    Are they real?
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
    Do they actually work? Again, i don't believe so. They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
    Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make. They are not real. You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
    Do they actually work? Again, i don't believe so. They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
    Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make. They are not real. You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.
    Prove it.

    My parents had been in a long distance relationship for 10 years after they got married. Guess what? They're still together. I think it worked quite fine. Was there problems? Duh. From how I see it they were smart enough to fix up the problem.

    I've been in a long distance relationship and I've actually lasted longer than the ones who are closer to me. :I My one ex and I were in a long distance relationship when he moved out of state, we lasted about 4 years. The two people I dated who lived close, we lasted 4 months. I know that my ex of 4 years that I dated ended but it was quite long. My current boyfriend now, its 2 years but he's pretty close. Yup.

    Perhaps I'm real lucky, aren't I?

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    In my opinion, online relationships are just as real as personal relationships.
    Although you don't have the cuddling, the kissing, etc. The feelings ARE real. Hopefully, one day, if you do have a relationship with someone, you could meet. BUT, that also depends. You must be careful, and be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT positive that the person you are "In Love With" isn't, like Genghis said, a predator. So it's a double sided blade.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    I feel similarly about online and long-distance relationships as I do about casual relationships (and, for that matter, open relationships and polyamorous relationships). I've personally never seen it work, and I couldn't imagine myself being happy in a relationship like that - but, different strokes for different folks. If you think it'll work for you, go ahead and try it.

    EDIT: Actually, that's not quite true. I do know one couple in a long-distance relationship, and they're one of the most devoted couples I know. And it did start online. So... yes! It does real! In at least one instance, anyway. Which, basically, affirms my original opinion. (And yes, they are an ACTUAL couple. It's not just avatars behind a computer screen. They only get to see each other in the flesh a handful of times a year, but they're still loyal.)
    Last edited by BoldMushroom; 10-17-2010 at 07:03 PM.
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    @Shengli Maybe you are lucky, but to be honest, a long distance relationship will not last forever. It can only last so long without actually being with the person. People need direct contact. ANd a long distance relationship after marriage will probably last longer because they're already married. But to be honest again, long distance relationship may last longer then regular relationships, because there is less opportunity to get into fights over actions. Yes, there are more fights about words, but more often, fights about actions are worse than those about words.
    But this is a discussion is about online relationships. Lets try to keep it that way.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Genghis Beatrix View Post
    Is it worth it?
    Do they actually work?
    Are they real?
    It depends on the individuals involved. You can't properly answer any of these until the two participants have seen each other in person.


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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    After trying long distance relationships several times, including ones with girls I have met online, I have finally decided to stop it and not even try. There's no physical contact, you can't see their face all the time, and it hurts, especially when you get attached. You also can never tell whether they are telling the truth or not, or whether it's real. I had someone that pity dated me for a year before finally telling me I lived too far away, then go out with some guy in russia (she lives in texas, me in mass). After that I just gave up. Never again will I do an online relationship. Too much hurt involved.

    My opinion? Don't. waste of time. Try for someone near you.
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Genghis Beatrix View Post
    With the dangers of online dating, one needs to consider if the relationship can actually be real or fake. There have been so many stories where people were raped and killed after being drawn to a person *cough*predator*cough*.

    Discuss.
    Is it worth it?
    Do they actually work?
    Are they real?
    I have no idea whether they work or not.
    They aren't an engine that you can fix together and say 'yeah, that works'. Any kind of relationship is fluid, ever changing.

    Again as for worth, you can't put a price on a good relationship. You can't name the debt from a bad one. Not in general.

    Real.. that all depends on whether you believe in them, while your in one. It's all down to an individual approach and opinion.

    But.. even if you received a generally good or bad opinion, you couldn't use that to define an answer, through general consensus. It just wouldn't work.
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Of course they're are real and so are the people involved. Just because, you only know someone only that dose not mean it is any less impotent then meeting them face to face.
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Okay, I honestly don't really approve of it. But is it bad? Not quite, it's just not my piece of cake.

    For example; two of my e-friends were "dating" and now they hate the crap outta each other, I still talk to both, not to mention one lived in Romania and one in California. The dude was willing to leave his family and everything for her, to come to Cali. I facepalm'd, but because the dude cannot even pull himself together, lol. The guy made my girl-friend suffer, so I stopped talking to him for a while.

    Also, as a guy...I have my "needs", AND girls has "needs" too, just not as much as guys. I don't think I can handle being without my girlfriend for so so long.
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    @Shengli Maybe you are lucky, but to be honest, a long distance relationship will not last forever. It can only last so long without actually being with the person. People need direct contact. ANd a long distance relationship after marriage will probably last longer because they're already married. But to be honest again, long distance relationship may last longer then regular relationships, because there is less opportunity to get into fights over actions. Yes, there are more fights about words, but more often, fights about actions are worse than those about words.
    But this is a discussion is about online relationships. Lets try to keep it that way.
    In your first post, you mentioned about long distance relationship and they are the same as online relationship, except for one thing, you have not met the person face to face at all (yet). And I say yet because I bet theres some people that were in an online relationship and actually met. ;/

    I think that no matter what kind it is, a relationship is a relationship. It works in the same way, you love each other and then, the unfortunate thing happen, you break up. Its for everything and to me its sounds like a "real relationship". And obviously for a relationship to work is the two people needs to maintain it. Yup.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Variable is my response.

    I've met, and dated people from online. They didnt work out, but then again, do all relationships you have real life work out? No. I am just a really critical, serious type of person that cant stand certain things. Does that mean I cant find a girl who fits me online or offline? No, its all a matter of perception. Certainly there are peopel who like to exaggerate on the internet, and many of the websites for online dating are a bit overrated, but it shouldnt stop you form trying.

    NOTE: For those interested, go out and find a movie called 'Catfish' to delve more into this topic.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Online and regular relationship can either work or fail. It all depends on the maturity of the two people involved along with the commitment they're willing to put into such a relationship. Usually an online relationship is a means to meet someone you wouldn't normally meet somewhere close to where you live. It lets you look for a partner an a grander scale. Can people lie to you online? Yes of course. But how is that any different than people lying to you in regular relationships?
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Oh wow.. I definately need to have my word in.

    Well I agree with Siggy~ It all depends on the maturity, but I also want to add the honesty and integrity of the people who are in the 'Long distance/online' relationship.

    Yea, I`ll confess that I`ve tried the online dating 'thang'~ and found it utterly ridiculous as I prefer a lover's physical touch along with evetrything else taht entails within a relationship. Yes, I`ve done the whole meeting online then catching up for a dinner/date/coffee with countless amounts of people from the internet. Ive made some fantastic friends whom I still remain in contact with and catch up on a regular basis. Heck, that was how I even met my (Now ex) Husband. Yes, done the whole long distance relationship, and it cost me a fortune in flights every second weekend to see him. Though, it did last for a long time, but I didn`t want to move to his state and he didn`t want to move where I was, so the break up was mutual. But the relationship was great while it lasted.

    Yes, they are real~ with online dating I see it as modern day Penpals. Yet, instead of eagerly waiting by a mailbox, you just click refresh ever 2.4 seconds.
    So is it worth it?- You will get a different answer from each person, I can`t say yes or no as a straight answer. It`s variable, if it works- Then congratulations and I wish you the very best of luck. And if it doesn`t, try a different angle?

    However, if one wishes to engage or currently is active with an online relationship, don`t let anyone tell you what is right or wrong. If that is what/who your heart truly desires, go for it. Life it what you make of it. Just be careful and don`t make decisions based on anger.. Those always bites you back on the behind.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
    Long distance relationships work quite frequently; I cite two members from this site (Fabala and SGI) who met on this site, began dating online, met each other several times over the course of a few years, and have been happily married for several years.

    They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public.
    Which is both an advantage and a fault. It allows you to get to know how someone thinks, and really getting to know their personality without any sort of physical bias getting in the way. Of course the disadvantage here is that, should the two people meet one another in real life, they may not be physically attracted to one another, which is certainly an important aspect in any functional relationship. But this is a fairly week disadvantage, because even over the internet the two individuals can see pictures of one another, talk on webcams, etc.

    The real disadvantage is that people have habits and quirks that may not come across well over the internet, and such qualities could provide conflict in a relationship. It's similar to two long-time friends who begin living in a dorm or apartment together; often times it does work out because while you know their personality, you're not familiar with all their personal habits and quirks.

    But it's also very possible to meet up in public after the relationship has started.

    Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make.
    I don't quite see where you're getting this "logic" from. They are simply not in the physical presence of one another; physical presence is hardly an implicit part of being in a relationship.

    Any good, mature online relationship will eventually progress offline and become a long-distance relationship; and if that works out for both individuals, it's very simple for them to visit one another; and if that works out well for both individuals, they could move in together.

    You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.
    Then how would you define what constitutes a relationship?

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  17. #17
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Takumi Michio View Post
    You must be careful, and be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT positive that the person you are "In Love With" isn't, like Genghis said, a predator. So it's a double sided blade.
    How can you be "100% certain"?

    Somehow meeting someone in person excludes them form being a psychopath? You can never be completely sure of someone's intents, online or in person.


    Anyways, moving on...

    I don't see a problem with online dating. Why should someone limit their dating potential to only those that exist in their orbit? There's about 6 billion people on Earth. No where near that many when you compare the people you come into contact on a day to day basis. It's about probability of success, and when you're including 6 billion people, you increase odds for yourself exponentially.

    Just because that person you're talking to is behind a computer screen, doesn't somehow make them "less of a person". .-.

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  18. #18
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ericgamer1 View Post
    Just because that person you're talking to is behind a computer screen, doesn't somehow make them "less of a person". .-.
    You know, I couldn`t agree more with that.

    Well done.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gjallarhorn View Post
    Then how would you define what constitutes a relationship?
    To me, the 2 people need to see each other on a regular basis, go out with each other on a regular basis, and talk to each other on a regular basis. And taking your laptop out with you so you can talk to the person on your "date" doesn't count as going out with them. They can work for some people, but really, to me, since they're not real relationships, success at a fake relationship isn't much of an accomplishment. But that's just me.

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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    1. First and foremost to make any long distance work [online or not] it requires tremendous patience and trust. You'll have to go long periods of time without seeing each other. Maybe only once or twice a year. If you start getting to hasty you'll screw things up. Then you'll have to trust the person. If you're one of those people that likes to have their significant other on a leash then this type of relationship is not for you. If you start accusing them of sleeping with someone else every time they go to the grocery store then it's totally never going to work.

    2. The only way I consider online dating to be successful is if in the end the two actually meet. Otherwise it's what? Just a RPG of feelings? Yeah.... Despite what most say not everyone on the interwebs in a predator.. You just have to know how and where to look. For instance I met my current best friend ever online by random chance. We happened to be attending the same anime con.. Met up and immediately clicked and have been visiting each other when we can. She's seriously more greater than any friend I could've found here.

    The advantage to dating online or talking online is that like stated before... You get to actually know the personality first and appearance later. Unfortunately most of us have a hard time meeting people because we have this personal space bubble and even if we see someone we'd like to approach a majority of the time we don't and thus chance is lost. But online you can break through that shy and uncomfortable barrier easily.

    ------
    This is really a hard subject because I've seen online dating fail for my two best friends when one moved. It lasted for half a year.

    But yet I've seen it work well for others and that's how I make a majority of my friends [Who I do actually meet btw. And they are all wonderful people] But yeah. It really just depends case by case.


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  21. #21
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Is it worth it? Well, as long as you know how to keep yourself safe while dating online, you have nothin to lose. Sure, not knowing the person face-to-face before you start is a disadvantage, but you also have multiple advantages, like using forums, dating sites and sometimes even chat roulette and omegle to find ppl more quickly. Just make sure to find out as much as possible before meeting in person and set the meetin up in a public place. You won't be kidnappped in the middle of a huge shopping district or a restaurant/cafe, if you're still scared, come with an irl friend of yer own.

    Do they actually work? Well, search the net and you'll find some success stories as well, it's just that it's always the pedophile stories that hit the news big. other than that, gettin all emotional online isn't easy, even if we have webcams and skype these days. A good friend online would probably work out great (i have 1 myself) but a relationship where you start out on the internet, and meet only seldomly is quite hard, i imagine. feel free to try though.

    Are they real? same problems as above, ppl not being who they are pretending to be, and the limited amount of emotion that can be delivered online. I keep hearing stories about ppl who met each other online and made it real, but that's probably 1/20 or a smaller chance. depends on the case, really.
    Last edited by Desulishor; 10-18-2010 at 06:22 AM.
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  22. #22
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Nope and nope.
    Don't work because they usually end when one side finds someone IRL.
    Aren't real because there's no physical contact.
    Unless the "lovers" actually meet, at which point it becomes a long distance relationship, which almost never works.

    In fact, the only way for an online relationship to work is for them to move in together at some point.


  23. #23
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Is it worth it? It all just depends on what both people value. For me, I am not a long distance kind of person. I prefer the person to person contact over talking on the net.

    Do they actually work? As I said before in the first question, it all depends on what both people value and how mature they are. If they are committed to having that kind of relationship and are willing to make it work on both ends then yes, things will work out. (I have a friend in Texas who is getting married to someone in Sweden. Saw each other at least a few times.)

    Are they real? Online relationships is as real as any other relationship. You just keep in contact with that person online. It's really no different then a normal relationship.



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  24. #24
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by 3pleT View Post
    They don't work because they usually end when one side finds someone IRL.
    How is this any different than a regular relationship? When one participant find someone more appealing then another, and/or their current partner is no longer appealing, a new partner is sought.

    Quote Originally Posted by 3pleT View Post
    They aren't real because there's no physical contact.
    I do believe that there are more components to a relationship than 'physical contact'

    Quote Originally Posted by 3pleT View Post
    When, and if, the "lovers" actually meet, it becomes a long distance relationship, which do not work out very well.
    Again, the success or failure of any relationship depends on the people involved. Online and long distance relationships are no exception.

    Quote Originally Posted by 3pleT View Post
    In fact, the only way for an online relationship to work is for them to move in together at some point.
    Did you move in with every girlfriend you had in high school? A relationship can exist without cohabitation. Moving in together as a result of online relationship doesn't automatically make a relationship 'work' either.


  25. #25
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    Default Re: Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    To me, the 2 people need to see each other on a regular basis, go out with each other on a regular basis, and talk to each other on a regular basis. And taking your laptop out with you so you can talk to the person on your "date" doesn't count as going out with them. They can work for some people, but really, to me, since they're not real relationships, success at a fake relationship isn't much of an accomplishment. But that's just me.
    How is having ANY kind of relationship with someone a "fake" relationship regardless of the medium it's being had in? I have friends from this very forum who I consider just as important to me as the ones I see every day, without having sat down and had a proper face to face, simply because we talk all the time, have the same interests, have been through a lot together, etc. etc. I don't see how you can say "fake relationships" unless someone's made up another person who was never real to begin with, so we have to disagree there.

    As for my thoughts on online relationships, I believe they can - and do - work, and my experience with them has been overall very positive. Are there some things about them I find to be bad points? Yes. Was it easier for someone like me to find someone through common interests rather than the meat market the dating scene in my area tends to be? God, yes. Are we happy? Well, I am. I don't know if he is, but since we're married, hopefully he's rather pleased with the situation. XD

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