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---------- Post added at 03:22 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:20 AM ----------
I'm not saying I'd rather live my life obsessing over drawings than having real relationships-- If that were the case I wouldn't even be making this thread.
---------- Post added at 03:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:22 AM ----------
i don't like super femmy boys like say.. justin bieber or 1 direction, i don't find them attractive at all.
i'm just not into this whole massive muscles, rippling abs and just generally the whole super-macho look.
---------- Post added at 03:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:23 AM ----------
and why would i try to get you banned?
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I suppose this worries me because, when it comes to merely fantasizing, there's no problem with being attracted to dangerous type guys and having darker desires, but when acting on them irl, I worry that I will end up with someone extremely unhealthy for me-- I stear clear of those with obvious mental issues but since I am so drawn to darkness... I worry it's inevitable that something bad will happen. The prince riding in on his pristine carriage, offering me a future full of sunshine and rainbows? I may say yes out of nothing but logic and the thought of "This is a good opportunity, he's a good guy, has a substantial living, he's nice... I should love him... I'll try to love him." But my heart would always be longing for the mysterious and alluring knight riding a dark horse or something. I don't know, this making sense? It's not like my heart is full of infidelity, it's not just that I grow cold and am on a constant search for excitement (although this is very true, I break up with people when this happens, I don't cheat), it's just that I long for something deeper. Something dramatic, like you said. Something that makes me feel intensely, even if that feeling is pain.
Oh trust me, I don't want a guy who puts me on a pedestal. Rather, the opposite. I was just saying that I quite enjoy the idea of someone genuinely liking me so much that they'll never leave no matter what. I'd rather be slapped in the face than have someone tell me I need to calm down and walk away from me. I'd rather be chastised thoroughly than ignored. And well since we've already gotten pretty deep here I might as well just say that I know exactly why I am this way, it's because as a child I was not physically abused, rather I grew up neglected, completely ignored, just not seen at all, I wasn't worth bothering with. I was simply not loved enough by my mother to be disciplined, to be yelled at, to even be acknowledged at all. So now the one thing anyone can do that will drive me crazy is ignore me, I had a boyfriend who would always just do the "right thing" and walk away whenever I tried to pick a fight or was really torn up about something. I'm sure lots of girls would find that a virtue. I absolutely hated it.
Anyway that probably got off topic, whatever.
---------- Post added at 03:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:40 AM ----------