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Thread: First ever post. Opinions?

  1. #1
    Junior Member sunee is on a distinguished road sunee's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default First ever post. Opinions?

    I'm sunee. I'm a chatter, not a forum go-er. Thought I'd make my first post ever by posting some of my poetry I've written over the years.

    Please let me know your feedback.



    Part I:

    Juggling spheres to please the crowd.
    The King and Queen adorned in crown.
    Demanding jokes to say out loud.
    The Jester's smile turns to frown.

    Paints his face to make them scream.
    He dances round in a dream.
    Of the beauty that is his Queen.
    His saddness starts at the seam.

    His life is destined as a fool.
    No choice of his t'is King's rule.
    Unrequited love can be so cruel.
    The love for her a forbidden jewel.

    He feels the sorrow creeping in.
    Abated by his love t'was sin.
    The secret that he kept within.
    He was a fool as are all men.

    ------

    D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

    There's a rage in me,
    Who goes unseen.
    He's beckoning,
    To be unleashed.

    There's a pain that stings,
    Above all things.
    She speaks to me,
    Begging peace.

    There's a war that bleeds.
    In my head we scream.
    My mind hears things.
    Which never be.

    And now I breathe,
    For now I see.
    It's D.I.D
    That's plaguing me.

    ------

    Untitled

    Ambivalent as world's collide
    Voices that I hear aren't mine
    Different they seem to be
    Each a new part of me
    Reconsider my sanity
    This gift is one of agony.

    ------

    Ugly

    Scar! more my hideous flesh.
    Ease my suffering to rest.
    Heartache that is kept within,
    Slowly spreads across my skin.
    Ruby red that creeps below,
    Always reaping what I sow.
    Pealing back the hide contains,
    Underneath my prize of veins.
    Wires of beating life,
    A single cut, I end tonight.

    ------

    Untitled

    I love quite intensely,
    I love quite a plenty.
    Yet hate so relenting.
    Controlling and preventing.
    Sanity slowly twisting.
    Reality is giving.
    A gun would end this quickly.
    Oh please, please forgive me.

    ------

    Untitled

    The Man is overwhelming.
    The Woman understanding.
    The Girl is unforgiving.
    The Dog seems persisting.

    I am always listening.
    Confused and dreaming blissfully.
    A disorder that will end me.
    But God, I would miss living.

    ------

    Untitled

    Oh the woe's of D.I.D.
    I wonder how it came to be?
    So common in the family.
    An apple sits below the tree.

    And seeping from the conscious mind.
    To dissociate from time to time.
    Personalities that strangle mine.
    Why has this become my life?
    Last edited by sunee; 03-18-2013 at 01:26 PM.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: First ever post. Opinions?

    Awsum

  4. #3
    Senior Member Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: First ever post. Opinions?

    Quote Originally Posted by sunee View Post
    I'm sunee. I'm a chatter, not a forum go-er. Thought I'd make my first post ever by posting some of my poetry I've written over the years.

    Please let me know your feedback.



    Part I:

    Juggling spheres to please the crowd.
    The King and Queen adorned in crown.
    Demanding jokes to say out loud.
    The Jester's smile turns to frown.

    Paints his face to make them scream.
    He dances round in a dream.
    Of the beauty that is his Queen.
    His saddness starts at the seam.

    His life is destined as a fool.
    No choice of his t'is King's rule.
    Unrequited love can be so cruel.
    The love for her a forbidden jewel.

    He feels the sorrow creeping in.
    Abated by his love t'was sin.
    The secret that he kept within.
    He was a fool as are all men.

    ------

    D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

    There's a rage in me,
    Who goes unseen.
    He's beckoning,
    To be unleashed.

    There's a pain that stings,
    Above all things.
    She speaks to me,
    Begging peace.

    There's a war that bleeds.
    In my head we scream.
    My mind hears things.
    Which never be.

    And now I breathe,
    For now I see.
    It's D.I.D
    That's plaguing me.

    ------

    Untitled

    Ambivalent as world's collide
    Voices that I hear aren't mine
    Different they seem to be
    Each a new part of me
    Reconsider my sanity
    This gift is one of agony.

    ------

    Ugly

    Scar! more my hideous flesh.
    Ease my suffering to rest.
    Heartache that is kept within,
    Slowly spreads across my skin.
    Ruby red that creeps below,
    Always reaping what I sow.
    Pealing back the hide contains,
    Underneath my prize of veins.
    Wires of beating life,
    A single cut, I end tonight.

    ------

    Untitled

    I love quite intensely,
    I love quite a plenty.
    Yet hate so relenting.
    Controlling and preventing.
    Sanity slowly twisting.
    Reality is giving.
    A gun would end this quickly.
    Oh please, please forgive me.

    ------

    Untitled

    The Man is overwhelming.
    The Woman understanding.
    The Girl is unforgiving.
    The Dog seems persisting.

    I am always listening.
    Confused and dreaming blissfully.
    A disorder that will end me.
    But God, I would miss living.

    ------

    Untitled

    Oh the woe's of D.I.D.
    I wonder how it came to be?
    So common in the family.
    An apple sits below the tree.

    And seeping from the conscious mind.
    To dissociate from time to time.
    Personalities that strangle mine.
    Why has this become my life?

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  5. #4
    Junior Member sunee is on a distinguished road sunee's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: First ever post. Opinions?

    lol frell you matt.

  6. #5
    Senior Member Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music has a reputation beyond repute Hood Rat Music's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: First ever post. Opinions?

    Quote Originally Posted by sunee View Post
    lol frell you matt.

    The hell is Frell?

  7. #6
    Senior Member RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan has a reputation beyond repute RainyDayMan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: First ever post. Opinions?

    Quote Originally Posted by sunee View Post
    I'm sunee. I'm a chatter, not a forum go-er. Thought I'd make my first post ever by posting some of my poetry I've written over the years.

    Please let me know your feedback.



    Part I:

    Juggling spheres to please the crowd.
    The King and Queen adorned in crown.
    Demanding jokes to say out loud.
    The Jester's smile turns to frown.

    Paints his face to make them scream.
    He dances round in a dream.
    Of the beauty that is his Queen.
    His saddness starts at the seam.

    His life is destined as a fool.
    No choice of his t'is King's rule.
    Unrequited love can be so cruel.
    The love for her a forbidden jewel.

    He feels the sorrow creeping in.
    Abated by his love t'was sin.
    The secret that he kept within.
    He was a fool as are all men.

    ------

    D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

    There's a rage in me,
    Who goes unseen.
    He's beckoning,
    To be unleashed.

    There's a pain that stings,
    Above all things.
    She speaks to me,
    Begging peace.

    There's a war that bleeds.
    In my head we scream.
    My mind hears things.
    Which never be.

    And now I breathe,
    For now I see.
    It's D.I.D
    That's plaguing me.

    ------

    Untitled

    Ambivalent as world's collide
    Voices that I hear aren't mine
    Different they seem to be
    Each a new part of me
    Reconsider my sanity
    This gift is one of agony.

    ------

    Ugly

    Scar! more my hideous flesh.
    Ease my suffering to rest.
    Heartache that is kept within,
    Slowly spreads across my skin.
    Ruby red that creeps below,
    Always reaping what I sow.
    Pealing back the hide contains,
    Underneath my prize of veins.
    Wires of beating life,
    A single cut, I end tonight.

    ------

    Untitled

    I love quite intensely,
    I love quite a plenty.
    Yet hate so relenting.
    Controlling and preventing.
    Sanity slowly twisting.
    Reality is giving.
    A gun would end this quickly.
    Oh please, please forgive me.

    ------

    Untitled

    The Man is overwhelming.
    The Woman understanding.
    The Girl is unforgiving.
    The Dog seems persisting.

    I am always listening.
    Confused and dreaming blissfully.
    A disorder that will end me.
    But God, I would miss living.

    ------

    Untitled

    Oh the woe's of D.I.D.
    I wonder how it came to be?
    So common in the family.
    An apple sits below the tree.

    And seeping from the conscious mind.
    To dissociate from time to time.
    Personalities that strangle mine.
    Why has this become my life?
    HOLY CRAP! That is amazing! It seems so deep, that first one! You must have been writing for a long Time.


    "Let us enjoy the Rain together. My Umbrella is always open for you. Knowing me is knowing never having to say goodbye. It never stops raining, does it?"

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