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Thread: Simple death/

  1. #1
    The lonely wolf Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Simple death/

    Cut off from reality.
    Tangled in ropes.
    Donít want to break free.
    Giving up all hopes.

    The moon
    Swallows the sun
    My heart so gloom
    Where is the fun?

    Trying to survive
    Searching my heart
    Aiming the knife
    This my friend is where we part.

  2. #2
    Junior Member Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals has a reputation beyond repute Animals's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Simple death/

    Very dark but well written poem!

    One thing I noticed while reading is the flow of the poem. You're first stanza that you wrote really rolls of the tongue while you read it and it fits perfectly together. In the second stanza, it wasn't as flowing because your started with a single word (I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but just a note). The third stanza flowed well until the last line due to its length.

    DON'T GET ME WRONG!! D: I believe this is a great piece of writing and the things that I mentioned are incredibly difficult to do, but I just thought I would point them out anyway for future use (:

    Michael.
    You're a polar bear.
    Polar bears are fuzzy.
    I would hug you.
    Though you would not hug back
    D:

  3. #3
    Level: 4 Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Simple death/

    Quote Originally Posted by Howling Star View Post
    Cut off from reality.
    Tangled in ropes.
    Donít want to break free.
    Giving up all hopes.

    The moon
    Swallows the sun
    My heart so gloom
    Where is the fun?

    Trying to survive
    Searching my heart
    Aiming the knife
    This my friend is where we part.
    Good poem! Very very well written as it had a very nice flow. I almost liked all of it until the very last line, which in my opinion could be rewritten a bit.. but still very good and in the end your decision! Good work
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