AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Dark Matters

  1. #1
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Dark Matters

    Story Summary:

    Genre: horror, romance, and adventure.

    Day by day, the demons of the underworld take more of the earth. With King Darch dead and his daughter unable to claim the throne, the earth is done for. The King's daughter made a pact with the devil, and now she must overcome the evil within her if she ever wants to claim her right to the throne and save the world.


    Spoiler Plot:

     
    In the year 2780, King Darch of Guruville left his child Kairi to some care takers. Kairi was somewhat human before they tampered with her soul, which gave her some powers with fire and the thirst for blood. Once Darch found out she was a vampire like her mother, he banished her into a mansion where she was to be starved to death while the power within her soul was to be extracted from her. The king was later assassinated by a very powerful werewolf, and a guard helped Kairi escape from the mansion she was being held captive at.

    While on her journey to get away from home and find her father's killer, she found out about an evil that was beginning to stir on earth. As she continued to discover more and more about this evil, the skies became red and the ground began to crack. Coming from the cracks were monsters called Faceless. They are demons that feed on human hearts and turn them into demons with no soul. Angels began to come from the heavens to help fight in the battle against this evil since the gods didn’t want to help. Not knowing what awaits her on her journey, Kairi ventures off to get herself an army and find who is responsible for opening the gate of the underworld.



    Chapter 1: "Turning A New Leaf"


     
    Page 1:

     
    It was spring 2780, and it was a bright and sunny day. Past all of the buildings in the city of Guruville, a kingdom stood 1,454 feet in the air. The kingdom took up twenty acres of land and was fenced all the way around with golden bars. The kingdom was made of white cement. It had a wraparound porch and then three wrap around balconies, each fenced with gold bars. For each doorway, there was an arch made from the building itself making a hallway before reaching each of the doors.

    Standing on the third balcony was King Darch who looked about the age of fifty. He had black hair with slight gray spotting scattered here and there. His eyes were a striking dark blue, and he had a very serious expression on his face as he gazed upon the horizon. He was wearing a bright red velvet robe that draped to the floor beneath him. His boots were polished brown leather. The boots tied snuggly about mid calf. The ends of his white pants were hidden inside of his boots.

    Nothing else could be seen past that because of his large robe except for a medallion made of gold dangling from his neck and calmly resting against his chest. In the center of the medallion was a large green ruby. Wings made of gold with small dark green circular and box shaped rubies embroidered the outskirts of the medallion. The man’s gaze was interrupted by a young girl’s slender fingers tugging on his robe. This girl was his daughter whose name was Kairi. She looked about the age of eight or so.

    She had straight jet black hair that flowed just past her shoulders. She was wearing a simple, small red dress that puffed out from the waist and reached all the way to the floor. Around the waist was a large, gold tied ribbon that flowed from the back of the dress. Her dark blue eyes were looking up at the man. When he didn’t say anything she asked, “What’s wrong, father?” She had a tiny voice that you had to listen well to hear.

    He placed his hand gently on her head as he looked down at her with a smile and ruffled her hair a bit before saying, “When my life ends you will be given this medallion around my neck. It will mean you are to be queen, and you will also receive a crown once you reach proper age. It was made by some of the world’s most powerful mages and inside is many powers. The only way the powers can be released is if someone puts their blood on it after the first owner is dead.” He had a deep and firm voice as he spoke this. She had never heard her father speak this way to her before. She wasn’t sure why he had this conversation with her at her age, but it would be something she would never forget.





    Page 2:


     
    The day eventually turned into night, and everyone was in their beds asleep. Kairi lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling. The thoughts of her father being so serious with her were still running through her mind. She tossed and turned closing her eyes trying to fall asleep, but she just couldn’t. Since she couldn’t sleep she decided to get out of bed and head downstairs to the second floor. As she reached the end of the stairs she saw her father standing with about eight men. They were dressed in black cloaks with only their mouths showing.

    They seemed to be talking about something, but she couldn’t make out what it was. Before she could hide behind the wall to avoid being seen, one of the men said, “Come here, child” in a low, deep voice. Her father turned around and looked at her nodding his head for her to do as the man said before turning back around. She walked over to her father and hid behind his leg, peeking her head out to look up at the cloaked men. “Being shy shows weakness and will not do you justice here,” Darch said as he placed his right hand on Kairi’s back and gave her a hard push, which caused her to stumble in front of him.

    “Your father has some work to do here and doesn’t want you getting hurt, so he is leaving you with us. We will take care of you until he has completed his work,” said the tallest of the cloaked men. His voice sounded like he was in his early twenties. It was kind and gentle as well. He reached his black gloved hand down to Kairi for her to take it. Kairi looked over to her father hoping he would say something to her, but he never even glanced down at her. Disappointed that her father wasn’t going to tell her goodbye, she took the man’s hand.

    Following behind the man as he walked towards the next flight of stairs going into the first floor, she looked back at her father. He gave her a slight smile before turning around and walking up the stairs to the third floor. Kairi turned her head back in the direction of the cloaked men walking down the flight of stairs. She had no idea where they would be taking her at this time of night. She was still in her white night gown with no shoes on. She figured it must not be that far.

    Once they reached the outside, a chill went through Kairi’s body. It was pitch black and a fog was hovering just a few feet above the ground. She had never liked the dark in the first place, but this night it seemed extra scary to her. She grasped the man’s hand tightly that was in front of her and followed close beside him. He looked down at her, and a smirk began to form as he shook his head.



    Page 3:

     
    After about twenty minutes, they all came to a stop. Nothing but trees surrounded them, and the only thing that could be heard were crickets chirping. Kairi looked around wondering why they had suddenly come to a stop in the middle of nowhere. She looked up at the man she had been basically clinging to the whole time. He never looked at her. He just stood there looking in the direction in front of him. The others were doing the same thing.

    Kairi finally worked up the courage to ask, “What are we doing?” None of them replied. Instead, the eight cloaked men circled around her like sharks before devouring their prey. They began mumbling some language she had never heard before while circling her. The ground beneath her began to shake and tremble until it collapsed beneath her feet. Kairi let out a shriek as she plummeted into the dark depths of the hole.

    As she was falling, everything turned a bright blue color. It became brighter and brighter until she had to close her eyes to avoid being blinded. Once the brightness died down, she opened her eyes to find herself lying on the floor of a large brightly lit room. The floor was light gray and looked like it had small silver crystals inside of it. It was so shiny that she could see her reflection staring back at her.

    She sat up amazed at how she could be in a place like this. She knew she wasn’t dreaming and that she had fell several feet before coming to this place. She looked above her to try to see the hole she had fallen through, but all that was there was the ceiling of the room. It was exactly like the floor she was sitting on. The walls around her were all covered by some type of black sparkling cloth. She pondered how there was so much light in the room when there were no lights.

    As soon as Kairi decided to stand, she heard the ticking of a clock. She stood and listened to try and figure out where it was coming from. It didn’t seem to be coming from any direction. The sound was faint at first, but then it continued to get louder and louder as if it was right in front of her. However, nothing was there. She looked all around her in hopes of finding the dreaded thing, but still nothing. All that was in the room was her.



    Page 4:

     
    “Tick-tock, tick-tock,” a man’s voice boomed. Kairi looked around, but she saw no one. “The clock is ticking, yet you know not what to do about it. Do not worry. I will be your guide. I will teach you everything you need to know,” the voice said before a tall cloaked man floated from the ceiling. First his feet came through, then his whole body. He floated graciously to the floor, and the heels of his boots tapped the floor gently.

    He removed the hood that was once covering his identity to reveal his short, curly blonde hair. He was a very handsome young man, and looked about the age of twenty five. His eyes were very peculiar. They were a glowing white and the pupil looked like a snake’s. He had a red ruby earring in his left ear that had a nice sparkle to it as well.

    He walked over to Kairi and asked, “Tell me, do you know what really happened to your mother?”

    “My father said he made her leave because she was a vampire that ate people and was a really bad person,” Kairi replied.

    “I believe you are mistaken. Your father murdered your mother. He beheaded her himself. I knew your mother, and she was not a bad person.”

    Kairi didn’t want to believe what he said, but it seemed like he was going to say more so she decided to listen. “There is a prophecy from years ago about a vampire that will come to save humanity from darkness. No one knows exactly if this prophecy is true or not. Of course, nobody believes in this prophecy because vampires have been known for being some of the most vicious, darkest creatures on earth.”

    “Your father noticed things about you as you grew older. You’re much faster than other children and you have extremely good hearing. He believes you may be a vampire even though you look and act like a human. We are going to do some tests on you, and if you are human you will return back to your father and live the same life you always have. However, if you are not human I can’t say good things will happen in your future,” he said looking into her eyes before asking, ”Are you ready?”



    Page 5:

     
    Kairi was never one for disobeying her elders, so she simply nodded even though she didn’t believe the words the man said to her. She knew she could run faster than other children and could hear better than most people, but she couldn’t believe her mother or herself was a vampire. Also, her father being a murderer didn’t sound like her father at all. He was always so kind and gentle. She wasn’t about to let herself believe in some lie this man was telling her, though she did wonder why her father was acting a bit peculiar before sending her away. He didn’t even give her a single hug or tell her everything was alright. That was something that saddened her.

    “Good. We will start the test tomorrow then. For now, you can take a bath in the next room. A set of clothes and warm water is already ready for you,” the man said as what Kairi had thought were sparkling black curtains now created an arch straight in front of her. As the arch fully developed, a brightly lit hallway followed behind it.

    She looked at it for a moment and then glanced over at the man before slowly walking towards the newly created hallway. Her small bare feet pitter pattered against the floor as she walked. Her feet were covered in mud from the past travel. Some threads on her white night gown had begun to unravel from various bushes and branches scratching against the material. She was definitely in need of a bath and new clothing. She was curious of everything that was happening, but she wasn’t about to complain or ask questions. After all, she enjoyed a nice warm bath and was looking forward to it now.

    The man watched as she walked further into the hallway finding her way into the next room. He figured while she was taking her bath, he would go ahead and prepare a bed for her in the room he was standing in. He stretched out his right arm and waved it in front of him, quickly bending his arm and then using a slinging motion a few times. As he continued to do this, a twin sized bed began to slowly appear in one of the corners of the room. When the bed fully appeared in the room, a white bed spread hovered above it and fitted itself perfectly onto the bed.

    He walked over to the bed, his boots making loud thumping sounds with each step, and a large fluffy white pillow appeared in his hands. The pillow sparkled for a few seconds before he placed it down on the center of the top section of the bed. Satisfied with the way the bed looked, he walked over to the center of the room looking straight ahead towards the hallway. After about thirty minutes of waiting, he closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled. When he opened his eyes, now exhaling silently, he saw Kairi walking down the hallway towards the room he was waiting in.



    Page 6:

     
    A few droplets of water fell from Kairi’s straight jet black hair as she walked towards the next room. They fell onto her cape, leaving light gray splotches on the material. It wasn’t really her style, but she still thought it was pretty. The cape hung from her shoulders comfortably. It was a V-neck cape with a white ribbon that was tied at the center of the V. The cape ended at her elbows and fluttered outwards on each side.

    Beneath the cape, she was wearing a short, long sleeved white night gown. The ends of the night gown ruffled like a pleated skirt. The sleeves were a little too long for her arms and barely showed the tips of her four fingers. Her thumbs were completely covered by the sleeves. She kind of liked how they were too long for her arms because they kept her hands warm, and she didn’t dry off completely like she should have.

    She walked up to the man and stood a few feet in front of him. She had to almost bend her whole neck backwards to look up at him because he was so much taller than her. Her dark blue eyes locked with his glowing nonhuman eyes. She found him to be quite beautiful even with his strange eyes. There was so much she wanted to ask him, but she couldn’t choose from all the questions of curiosity flooding her mind. Everything that had been happening was very hard to believe. She knew magic existed, but she had never seen it used before until now.

    “It’s time for you to go to sleep. It’s been a long day for you, and you will need your rest for tomorrow’s test,” the man said while leading Kairi over to the bed he had prepared for her. Once she had walked over beside the bed, he placed his hands under her arms and lifted her from the ground and placed her gently on the bed. Kairi slid her legs under the white cotton sheets and then slid her body under them as well until she was lying down. She held her head and neck off the bed until the man was done adjusting her pillow. She always liked being tucked in. Her father did it all the time.

    Once the man had tucked her in, his body began to fade until he could no longer be seen. Once he was gone, the bright light dimmed, and the room became pitch black. The only thing Kairi could see in the darkness was the tiny white sparkles from the walls. It looked like the night sky was all around her. She found it to be beautiful and soothing in a way. She closed her eyes and rolled over on her side facing the wall. Just as she was beginning to fall asleep, she heard a loud scratching sound beneath her bed.



    Page 7:

     
    Kairi didn’t feel like lifting her eyelids to see what the sound was. She continued to lay there until she heard the scratching noise once again. She opened her eyes wandering what could possibly come next after everything she had saw today. She figured it was just one of those men trying to scare her, so she casually rolled over on her other side to face the edge of the bed. It was pitch black, so she saw nothing in front of her. She knew there was no point in looking under the bed either, so she decided to close her eyes once again.

    As soon as she closed her eyes, she felt hot air blowing on her face. The air was strong enough to move her bangs upwards off of her face. When she inhaled, she could smell a very bad odor. She knew the smell had to be bad breath, but she didn’t want to open her eyes and find out if it was or not. When hot saliva dropped onto her cheek, she opened her eyes. Again, there was nothing but darkness, and the hot air blowing on her face was gone. She wiped the saliva from her cheek with her right hand, making a disgusted face.

    There was no way she could sleep. She knew something or someone was there in the room with her. She didn’t know how she would defend herself, but she definitely wasn’t going to just lay there. She was going to at least be up and aware of her current surroundings. She looked around the room frequently for hours. Nothing had showed up the whole time, and she had begun to grow very sleepy.

    Her eyes slowly closed, and she fell on her back. Her head hit the pillow, and she was finally asleep. As she was sleeping, five large, six inch claws emerged from under the bed, ripping into the mattress. As more claws sank their way through the mattress, Kairi awoke. When she opened her eyes, she saw that the room was engulfed in bright red flames. The walls, ceiling, and the floor were in flames. The only thing that wasn’t in flames was the bed.

    Both sets of claws ripped through the mattress and with force, split it in two. In turn, Kairi’s small body was slung high into the air. With the few seconds she had in the air, she saw a monstrous black bear standing on all fours looking up at her. The bear looked like something straight out of a horror movie. Its eyes were a burning red, its face deformed and ferocious, and its mouth was long and wide with at least forty razor sharp teeth. Once her little glance was over, Kairi felt herself plunging down towards the scorching room. No matter how much she tried to keep herself up, gravity was against her.


    Page 8:

     
    The bear wrapped its abnormally large paw around Kairi’s whole body. The only thing left visible in the bear’s grip was her head. While she squirmed around trying to escape, flames cloaked her and the bear in a circular ball. “This is it. I’m going to die,” thought Kairi as the heat became more and more intense.

    A drop of sweat began to stream down her forehead due to the heat. She felt like she was in an oven. As the flames intensified, the bear tightened his grip. Kairi let out a shriek of pain when her arms were forced to her sides, and her body parts were forced together. She felt like her insides were going to burst at any given moment.

    “That’s enough, Barkebas,” a deep inhuman sounding male voice commanded. Obeying the command, Barkebas loosened his grip on Kairi, and the flames dispersed. Kairi was relieved that she wasn’t going to be squished to death. She turned her head every which way in search of her savior, but she found no one. Once her search was over, a black cloth like figure with no eyes, mouth, arms, hands, legs, or feet appeared in the air a few feet away from Barkebas.

    The figure glided over to Kairi and circled around her a few times. His so called body moved exactly like cloth would in the wind. “We meet again, Princess Kairi,” he said as he stopped in front of her.

    “Again? I think you are mistaken,” she said.

    “Oh, but we have met. You just do not remember because you were just a baby,” he said as his form changed into two large black wings. “You can consider me an angel of sorts if you will. I have been watching over you since the day you were born.”

    “So you are like my guardian angel?”

    “I am the one that can make all of your wishes come true. Before I can do that for you, I need you to do me one small little favor,” he said.



    Page 9:

     
    “I have not asked for anything. Therefore, I do not need to do you any kind of favor. All I want is for this thing to let me go and to go home,” Kairi said with a bit of an attitude.

    “I will let you go home if you give me the medallion your father wears around his neck. It is a fair trade. What do you say? Is it a deal?”

    “Is this why my father told me about the medallion and was acting so strange? Could it be that he was getting me ready for this day?” she thought and then quickly shot back, “No, it is not a deal. The medallion belongs to my family and my family alone. You are up to something. I do not think you are a guardian angel at all.”

    “Foolish girl. That medallion holds the power to destroy the world! I must have it. If it gets into the wrong hands, we are all doomed.”

    “It will go to me once my father has lived his years. I am a good person. Nothing bad will happen. I promise you that. Now can I please go home?” she asked while giving a childish pouty face.

    The figure let out a low growl of annoyance and yelled with power, “Barkebas!”

    Barkebas looked at the figure and then back at Kairi as he began clenching the fist he was using to hold her. This time he wasn’t playing around. He was going to deal damage that could kill. Kairi could feel her body being squished together in his fist just like the time before.

    “All this can stop if you will agree to give me the medallion.”

    She stayed quiet refusing to give in, but fright struck when she felt part of Barkebas’s fingers begin to tighten on her right rib cage. She knew only a little more force could shatter it. She still refused to say anything. “This is just a test. He will see that I am not going to give it to him, and I will pass,” Kairi thought, trying to give herself reassurance.


    Page 10:

     
    Kairi’s thoughts were wrong. Barkebas continued to clench his fist, and she began to feel a sharp pain go down her rib cage. “Alright,” she managed to whisper through the pain.

    “What was that? I am not sure I heard you. You will have to speak louder,” the figure said as if he was getting some kind of twisted enjoyment.

    Barkebas clenched his fist once more, and Kairi screamed as a tear drop streamed down her left cheek. ”I said alright!”

    The figure’s body turned into a large hand, and he snapped his thumb and middle finger for Barkebas to stop. Barkebas loosened his grip immediately to the command. Kairi was disappointed in herself, but she couldn’t take the pain anymore. Her body still ached from it. The figure swayed his hand over towards Kairi and rubbed her cheek where it was still damp from the tear. Kairi’s whole body began to shiver. His hand was extremely cold, colder than ice.

    “Now, was that so hard to say?” the figure asked.

    Kairi didn’t want to answer, so she jerked her head away from his hand and looked in another direction.

    “I will never get over how quickly royalty can change their attitude.”

    “You didn’t give me much of a choice,” Kairi mumbled while still looking in the other direction.

    “I will tell you what, I will give you a gift. You like necklaces, right? I will give you a very pretty one for everything you have gone through since you have come here.”

    Kairi wanted to say she didn’t want anything, but he was a magical being. She liked jewelry too. “Okay,” she replied.

    The figure’s body turned back into its original cloth form. A, what seemed to be, black ribbon began to exit from the center of his body and swirled in the air towards Kairi. Once it reached her, it created a chocker around her neck and soaked into her skin. Kairi realized it wasn’t cloth, but ink. Once the chocker was complete, a small strawberry colored rose formed in the center. However, unlike the tattoo, the rose was real.

    “Your necklace is now complete. I will allow you to go home now,” the figure said with a satisfied voice.



    Page 11:

     
    Barkebas released Kairi from his grasp, and she plummeted to floor on her hands and knees. As soon as her body began to ache from the previous pain she had endured, the rose on her neck glowed brightly, performing healing action. Kairi never noticed it glowing. She was too baffled by the day’s happenings and the fact that she could go home so easily.

    Kairi looked up at the figure and asked, “I can go home even though I have not given you the medallion?”

    “Yes. You have given me your word. That is all I need,” the figure replied as a sky blue light shined down next to Kairi. “The light will return you to your time.”

    Kairi stood up and turned towards the light, mesmerized. It seemed beautiful to her. She just had to go to it. “My time?” she asked slowly as she put her right foot under the light. She looked up after stepping fully into the light, and she was quickly lifted into the air. She became weightless as she zipped up towards what seemed like total darkness.

    In just a few seconds, she reached the darkness and realized it wasn’t darkness but dirt. The light was stopping her from being able to touch it. As she continued upwards, she felt a little strange. A tingling sensation started at her feet, and then made its way all over her body. Wandering what was going on, she looked down at herself. Her fingers were growing much longer and so was the rest of her body. She stretched her arms in front of her, watching in amazement.

    The tingling sensation soon came to an end, and she entered into a bright white light. The light seemed very familiar. Her eyes eventually adjusted, and she realized it was the sun. It was so intense that it made her feel like her skin was burning. Curious as to where in the world she was, she began to look around.

    She noticed she was sitting on hot pavement, there were tall skyscrapers surrounding her that she had never seen before, and many people walking around. “Where am I?” Kairi thought as she began to stand up. Some of the people began to stare, some began to whisper to each other, and others ran away screaming. With no idea why people were acting that way, she decided to go up to a woman nearby. As she opened her mouth to ask the woman a question, the woman screamed at the top of her lungs, “Vampire! Guards! Help! Vampire!”


    Page 12:

     
    “I am no vampire. I am the daughter of King Darch. Do you not recognize me?” Kairi asked.

    The woman still continued to scream for help even after she explained who she was. Frustrated, Kairi opened her mouth and poked both of her dog teeth. Her eyes widened, and she quickly closed her mouth. She licked her teeth, and they were razor sharp. “What is going on?” Kairi thought.

    Two fully armored guards ran towards Kairi, swords ready as three other fully armored guards ran behind them. One of the guards had handcuffs, and the other two were empty handed. They all reached Kairi but realized she was just standing there bemused. Although she didn’t pose as a threat to them, it was still their job to cease her, King Darch’s daughter or not. Kairi knew this and cooperated, holding her arms in front of her, allowing one of the guards to lock the cuffs on her wrists.

    The five guards surrounded her as they began to escort Kairi to the kingdom. One guard was directly in front of her, one was to her right, one was to her left, and two followed behind her. Kairi did not mind walking on the hot pavement barefoot as much as she hated how the sun was making her feel. It was as if the sun wanted to burn her to a crisp but couldn’t. This bothered her because she knew it would always be this way from now on.

    As the minutes began to pass by, Kairi was becoming weaker and weaker. She began to wonder how much longer they would have to walk. She felt like she was about to pass out. She had tried looking at the buildings, but they made her feel dizzy. The silence was beginning to bother her as well.

    After an hour’s travel, they arrived at the golden gates of the kingdom. The guard in front of her unlocked the gate, and they all walked through into the kingdom’s courtyard. Kairi noticed it was different. The grass and plants looked like they had been burned recently. The air smelled odd as well. She continued sniffing the air trying to pin what it was that she smelled. Finally, she came to the conclusion after seeing a charred dead body lying in what used to be the kingdom’s garden.



    Page 13:

     
    Kairi looked at each of the guards next to her hoping they would say something about this, but words never came from their armored helms. They just continued to look straight ahead while seeming emotionless. Once they passed by the first charred body, the smell of burnt flesh became stronger. The aroma was beginning to make her feel sick to her stomach. She and the guards passed by at least twenty more charred bodies spread out in various areas of the kingdom’s garden in just a matter of minutes. She could tell that some of the people were maids and butlers due to some of the clothing not being completely burned. Kairi immediately began to worry about her father, hoping he was okay.

    She realized they still had such a long way before they got to the kingdom. “Anything could be happening right now,” Kairi thought to herself. She wanted to start running, but she knew the guards would never allow that. Even though she knew this, she was still contemplating how she could go about getting past the guards. After about ten minutes of thinking, she gave up.

    All of the worrying, scent of burnt bodies, and the heat of the sun were causing her to feel weaker than she was before. Becoming weak so easily was beginning to bother her. The sun had never made her skin feel like it was about to melt. It was as if the sun was draining all of the energy she had to walk or breathe. She began to let the fact sink in that the sun will be against her now that she has begun the process of becoming a vampire. How long it would take for her to become a vampire, she didn’t know.

    As they continued on, Kairi’s vision began to go in and out. First she would see darkness, and then she would see the guard in front of her walking. Every time her vision went black, she would unintentionally lean forwards as if she was going to hit the ground. Her vision would return once she realized she was blacking out. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold up much longer like this. Luckily, they had finally made it to the golden doors of the kingdom. As the doors opened, Kairi began to fall to her knees, and the guards at her sides caught her forearms, holding her up.

    The guard in front of her moved to the side as her father walked down the steps towards her. He looked different since the last time she had seen him. The wrinkles he had were more defined, his hair was white, and the skin around his eyes was almost black; much like a mask. Darch kneeled down in front of Kairi, placing his thumb under her chin and his index finger at her bottom lip, opening her mouth. “I see you failed the test. There is nothing more I can do for you now. Take her to the mansion to be extracted,” he said after examining her new teeth. Kairi clenched the red cloak he was wearing for as long as she could and attempted to speak, but she was too weak and eventually passed out.



    Chapter 2: "Deceit"
    Last edited by PinkGalaxies; 11-03-2012 at 04:56 PM.

  2. Likes Zainox liked this post
  3. #2
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    I update this every day (2 pages). I generally write at 3AM, so please excuse grammar errors and such. >.<'

  4. #3
    Numbah One Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox's Avatar
    Gil
    64,642.73
    Gender
    My Mood
    Amused
    Gifts Snowman Hedgehog Pocky
    Mentioned
    247 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    07-28-2014 01:54 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Australia, South Australia
    Age
    23
    Threads
    52
    Posts
    3,603
    Blog Entries
    6
    Rep Power
    1041
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: Zainox-

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    Not trying to be mean, or be picky. But I thought I would pick it errors or such I think I saw. I hope you don't mind?

    30 feet = 9.1440000m Seems abit too small for a city. :P
    1 foot = 0.3048 metres

    At the end of the second line - 'It had a wraparound porch and then'. There should be a space.

    Second paragraph, first line - He had black hair with slight gray spotting scattered here and there. Should it be spots?

    Pg 2, 3rd paragraph, mid way - 'He reached his black gloved hand down to Kairi for her to take it.' I think it should be - He reached for his black gloved handed it down to Kairi for her to take it.

    Pg 3, second paragraph. - I feel this bit should be dragged on longer, I think it happens to quick. Maybe some more talking and description of her fear and thoughts with the lead up to the fall?

    Also, I feel there needs to be a prologue of some sort, showing the life of Kairi and Darch together, and maybe give examples of her heightened speed and hearing.
    these are all suggestions, feel free to use take them or not. :P

    I love your character descriptions, I find it so easy to imagine what the characters would look like. I found this quite enjoyable, I really like your imagination. I kinda forgot I was proof reading at the end there and got lost in the story. It seems very interesting indeed, I cant wait to see how it plays out. :3


    MY BIG AF FAMILY

     
    Coffi - Younger Sister
    Skywen - Fraternal Twin
    horrendous - long-lost half-brothers who ran into each other at walmart and recognized one another from family photos!

    Femme Fatale - Sister
    Kaleohano - Evil Twin
    aether - Weird uncle who makes outrageous claims like "I invented the apostrophe or the toilet"/Forum Bestie
    -Sasuke Uchiha- - Friend/Uchiha Avenger
    FluffyEmjay - Baby Brother


  5. #4
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    Quote Originally Posted by Zainox View Post
    Not trying to be mean, or be picky. But I thought I would pick it errors or such I think I saw. I hope you don't mind?

    30 feet = 9.1440000m Seems abit too small for a city. :P
    1 foot = 0.3048 metres

    At the end of the second line - 'It had a wraparound porch and then'. There should be a space.

    Second paragraph, first line - He had black hair with slight gray spotting scattered here and there. Should it be spots?

    Pg 2, 3rd paragraph, mid way - 'He reached his black gloved hand down to Kairi for her to take it.' I think it should be - He reached for his black gloved handed it down to Kairi for her to take it.

    Pg 3, second paragraph. - I feel this bit should be dragged on longer, I think it happens to quick. Maybe some more talking and description of her fear and thoughts with the lead up to the fall?

    Also, I feel there needs to be a prologue of some sort, showing the life of Kairi and Darch together, and maybe give examples of her heightened speed and hearing.
    these are all suggestions, feel free to use take them or not. :P

    I love your character descriptions, I find it so easy to imagine what the characters would look like. I found this quite enjoyable, I really like your imagination. I kinda forgot I was proof reading at the end there and got lost in the story. It seems very interesting indeed, I cant wait to see how it plays out. :3
    I posted a comment saying to ignore grammar errors and stuff. XD

    And the gloved hand is how I wanted it to be said. He wasn't giving her a glove. Lol.

    I'm still writing page 8, so I'll update once I've finished it.

    Edit: I thought about making a prologue, but I'm actually going to describe their life together later in the story.

  6. #5
    Numbah One Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox has a reputation beyond repute Zainox's Avatar
    Gil
    64,642.73
    Gender
    My Mood
    Amused
    Gifts Snowman Hedgehog Pocky
    Mentioned
    247 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    07-28-2014 01:54 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Australia, South Australia
    Age
    23
    Threads
    52
    Posts
    3,603
    Blog Entries
    6
    Rep Power
    1041
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: Zainox-

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkGalaxies View Post
    I posted a comment saying to ignore grammar errors and stuff. XD
    I know, I'm sorry. D:
    Take it as your first proof read?

    I thought If I picked them out as I was reading it would save you some trouble for later. :3


    MY BIG AF FAMILY

     
    Coffi - Younger Sister
    Skywen - Fraternal Twin
    horrendous - long-lost half-brothers who ran into each other at walmart and recognized one another from family photos!

    Femme Fatale - Sister
    Kaleohano - Evil Twin
    aether - Weird uncle who makes outrageous claims like "I invented the apostrophe or the toilet"/Forum Bestie
    -Sasuke Uchiha- - Friend/Uchiha Avenger
    FluffyEmjay - Baby Brother


  7. #6
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    Quote Originally Posted by Zainox View Post
    I know, I'm sorry. D:
    Take it as your first proof read?

    I thought If I picked them out as I was reading it would save you some trouble for later. :3
    Hm. It just might. Thanks. x3

    Microsoft Word makes a page 4 paragraphs. Probably the font I'm using. Lol.

  8. #7
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. Work got the better of me today. If I don't have the pages done tonight, they'll be done tomorrow.

  9. #8
    Senior Member PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies has a reputation beyond repute PinkGalaxies's Avatar
    Gil
    701.56
    Gender
    Gifts Crisis Mooncompact Mario 1-Up Mushroom Katana
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    05-25-2014 11:07 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    In the shadows
    Age
    22
    Threads
    9
    Posts
    563
    Blog Entries
    15
    Rep Power
    189
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: VPKairi

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    I've been rather busy this week with work. I'll have some more pages posted this weekend. I usually have Friday - Sunday off. I also plan on posting creature definitions later and adding a map. The map will be from the original comic/manga I did. If it's hard to understand, just tell me. I'll make a new one. :]

  10. #9
    Member ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat's Avatar
    Gil
    1,326.08
    Gender
    My Mood
    Bookworm
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    06-06-2013 01:27 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Chicago, IL.
    Threads
    3
    Posts
    90
    Rep Power
    69
    Gamer IDs

    Steam ID: ghostthegreat

    Default Re: Dark Matters

    I liked it, but I would suggest to start off with something a little more grabbing, usually scenery descriptions (unless we are talking Grapes of Wrath where the setting really becomes a character) don't pull readers in. Keep at it!
    I need a new signature and I didn't know what to put, so I decided to throw this in.

    Also check out my blog at http://danielkamin.wordpress.com

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. What do you think matters in a good videogame?
    By Saiyuko in forum Video Games
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-13-2007, 07:42 AM
  2. What matters
    By Flay in forum Poetry
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-16-2006, 01:46 AM
  3. any1 played dark chrinicle {dark cloud 2}
    By vincent.valentine in forum Video Games
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-19-2006, 01:06 AM
  4. Do you think age matters?
    By falling_angel_111 in forum Miscellaneous Miscellany
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 12-23-2005, 01:01 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts