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Thread: Revolutionary Girl Utena - Virtual Star Hasseigaku

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    Default Revolutionary Girl Utena - Virtual Star Hasseigaku

    http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/utena/rgubsh.htm

    First, the translit has a couple of errors (though not enough to merit a full re-transliteration):

    > Sou, tochi no ko
    >Saichou

    sou, tochi no ko
    seichou

    >Aa kudou nari
    >Sora, kudou nari

    aa kuudou nari
    so wa kuudou nari

    Then, the translation... well, see, the thing about Utena songs is, they're freakin' weird. Also, very much open to interpretation. So it's a bit hard to draw the line between "this translation is wrong" and "this translation is a very different interpretation from mine". Nevertheless, I feel like the translation currently on the site is flat-out wrong in a couple places and missing nuances in others. See what you think, admin-types.

    1. 空気、原子、因果律星

    > Air, atom, destiny-star

    因果律星 is not a real word, but 因果律 means cause and effect or causality, which is not exactly translatable to "destiny".

    I translated this line as "Atmosphere, atom, a star of causality".

    2. そう、土地の子
    受胎

    >Yeah, child of earth
    >Conception

    The current translation treats both this and the later "そう、土地の子 / 成長" as if the two lines are separate and unrelated, whereas I feel like they're supposed to form a sort of sentence:

    "Yes, the child of earth
    Is conceived"

    and

    "Yes, the child of earth
    Grows up".

    3. 雄蘂 雌蘂 一粒の種子

    >Stamen, pistil, a piece of seed

    This is just an awkward way to handle counters. 一粒 means "one seed", not "a piece of" anything.

    The current translation goes on to render "一つの" as "a kind of" rather than "one", which is not wrong, I suppose, but it does strike me as odd in the absence of any context that would suggest that that's what's meant.

    4. 恒星天 原動天

    > Fixed star Power star

    Given that 原動 refers not just to power in general, but specifically to a "driving force", or the kind of power that makes something move, I'm pretty sure 原動天 is meant as a direct contrast to 恒星天:

    "the sphere of fixed stars, the sphere of mobile stars"

    (Or the sphere of mobility in general, I suppose, since 星 doesn't appear in 原動天?)

    I don't know, I feel like I may be being excessively nitpicky, but... eh, the current translation bothered me enough to put this post out there and get a second opinion on it.

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    Default Re: Revolutionary Girl Utena - Virtual Star Hasseigaku

    bluepenguin-san, would you like to give your version of the translation to this song? I'm sure AzureDark-san wouldn't mind, either. I agree, the current translation is of lower-than-average quality; it feels more like a string of words put together with no regard to the overall meaning.

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    Default Re: Revolutionary Girl Utena - Virtual Star Hasseigaku

    Haha, well, "random words strung together" is sort of the nature of the song, but mine maybe flows a little better. Here it is:

    Antiquity, perfection, alone in the desert
    Atmosphere, atom, a star of causality

    Yes, the child of earth
    Is conceived
    The embryo of philosophy

    Egg, perfection, an origin in a nest
    Stamen, pistil, a single seed

    Yes, the child of earth
    Grows up
    The child of philosophy

    And then
    The sphere of the moon, the sphere of Mercury, the sphere of Venus
    The sphere of the sun, the sphere of Mars, the sphere of Jupiter
    The sphere of Saturn, the sphere of fixed stars, the sphere of mobile stars

    The torus continues into eternity, endlessly

    A single organic engine
    A single perpetual motion device

    Ah, it is empty motion
    Yes, it is empty motion

    And then
    The sphere of the moon, the sphere of Mercury, the sphere of Venus
    The sphere of the sun, the sphere of Mars, the sphere of Jupiter
    The sphere of Saturn, the sphere of fixed stars, the sphere of mobile stars

    The torus continues into eternity, endlessly

    A single organic engine
    A single perpetual motion device

    Ah, it is empty motion
    Yes, it is empty motion, motion

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