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Thread: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

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    Default I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Ok. So my friend is a socially akward hermit. She was home schooled most of her life. But recently she has been asking about help finding friends. So I asked her what her interests are, and she couldn't give me anything I could work with. Now I love her, she is like my sister. But she is driving me crazy with how clingy she has been. Does anybody have any idea how to help her meet new people? Any websites? Places to meet people? Anything?

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Take her to your social gatherings and introduce your other friends to her?

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Take her here
    af is a good place to start meeting new friends
    if she could be in the philippines, we could go out every weekend

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Considering she has some difficulty in social settings I wouldn't advice her to hang out here in the internet. I mean it will suffice for a short time, but because you don't really meet anyone face to face it won't solve her problems in the long run. Well~ like someone said take her to social events but one step at a time...you don't want to throw her to the sharks by going to a rave in her first few steps. I am not sure if you or her are religious but going to church and getting involved in youth groups is a good way to get to know people. Even if you don't necessarily want to go to church it's a way to interact with people. My best guess would be for you to arrange a small get together at home with your closest friends and introduce her to them. Maybe like a movie or game night?
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Those are some of my problems. She isn't into Anime that much, and she can't stand most of my friends. But a movie night sounds like a great idea actually.

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Hmm thats tough. I can't offer a lot of advise since I suffer from the same issues, and most of my friends are virtual whom I've never met. Hobbies and other interests would be my suggestion but you say she didnt give you much to work with. I am on forums for just about every hobby I have... but again forums dont really solve the social issues (might help a little though) and I dont usually recommend trying to meet strangers from online either, especially for you young gals. Do you live in a big city, small town, rural? Perhaps there are local events or something in the community that needs volunteers?
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKitsune View Post
    Ok. So my friend is a socially akward hermit. She was home schooled most of her life. But recently she has been asking about help finding friends. So I asked her what her interests are, and she couldn't give me anything I could work with. Now I love her, she is like my sister. But she is driving me crazy with how clingy she has been. Does anybody have any idea how to help her meet new people? Any websites? Places to meet people? Anything?
    You have to introduce her to stuff. Basic stuff, if shes hanging out with you play some music and see if shes interested in it. msuic, movies, anime, tv shows. I say music because music is a really easy way to connect with people and i used to be a bit of a hermit (still am kinda) and i didnt have any interest in music specifically. But when i got out there and talked to people, you get see stuff your friends listen to, their interests become yours, music is a really easy way to connect with even more people.

    I'm sure someone said it already but invite her to things you are doing with your larger group of friends. Like if you are going out to a movie with your other friends you should invite this girl to come with you.

    So yea, music, video games, sports/sporting events, social events (like a movie),
    I think thats all you are gonna get from everyone on here. not much to do besides this stuff
    "“Loneliness is a disease that can lead to death. They might as well be the same thing.”---spice and wolf

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    If she doesn't really like your friends, I am wondering if its because she is possessive of you, not that she really doesnt like them.

    But a lot of folks have made some good suggestions. Just try different things and see what she likes, and go from there.

    Problem is, you had mentioned that she was very clingy and was beginning to drive you nuts. I am guessing, like you said, its from being home schooled, which is fine, but that part of that home schooling didnt include interaction with other people. So for her, she has a friend, doesnt trust others easily, so she isnt looking for more, which means she is clinging to the one she has. It's actually pretty common, with folks who havent had a lot of interaction with other people.

    Just understand, you probably have a long road ahead, but if she comes along, it will be a very good road for her. But you definitely need to just get her out and meet folks, just do it in small groups at first for awhile. When she starts looking relaxed in those settings, then can start getting to bigger groups. This is also up to her, if she fights you on it all the way, its not going to be fun.

    Just my advise from having friends like this in the past.

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Try some Karaoke or Fb maybe.
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by threewolves View Post
    If she doesn't really like your friends, I am wondering if its because she is possessive of you, not that she really doesnt like them.

    But a lot of folks have made some good suggestions. Just try different things and see what she likes, and go from there.

    Problem is, you had mentioned that she was very clingy and was beginning to drive you nuts. I am guessing, like you said, its from being home schooled, which is fine, but that part of that home schooling didnt include interaction with other people. So for her, she has a friend, doesnt trust others easily, so she isnt looking for more, which means she is clinging to the one she has. It's actually pretty common, with folks who havent had a lot of interaction with other people.

    Just understand, you probably have a long road ahead, but if she comes along, it will be a very good road for her. But you definitely need to just get her out and meet folks, just do it in small groups at first for awhile. When she starts looking relaxed in those settings, then can start getting to bigger groups. This is also up to her, if she fights you on it all the way, its not going to be fun.

    Just my advise from having friends like this in the past.
    That is very true as I was bullied alot during my school years and the friends that I do have I find that I cling to them quite alot and I think that was the reason why my second gf left me......maybe there was other reasons who knows......

    But anywho

    The best bit of advice I can give is just introduce her to smaller groups first and then as she gets to know them let those friends introduce their friends to her (in small gatherings as well) and as time goes by as she feels more socially comfortable with the group setting let the groups grow in size a little and that way she won't feel overhwelmed

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by threewolves View Post
    If she doesn't really like your friends, I am wondering if its because she is possessive of you, not that she really doesnt like them.

    But a lot of folks have made some good suggestions. Just try different things and see what she likes, and go from there.

    Problem is, you had mentioned that she was very clingy and was beginning to drive you nuts. I am guessing, like you said, its from being home schooled, which is fine, but that part of that home schooling didnt include interaction with other people. So for her, she has a friend, doesnt trust others easily, so she isnt looking for more, which means she is clinging to the one she has. It's actually pretty common, with folks who havent had a lot of interaction with other people.

    Just understand, you probably have a long road ahead, but if she comes along, it will be a very good road for her. But you definitely need to just get her out and meet folks, just do it in small groups at first for awhile. When she starts looking relaxed in those settings, then can start getting to bigger groups. This is also up to her, if she fights you on it all the way, its not going to be fun.

    Just my advise from having friends like this in the past.
    That actually makes sense when I look back at it.

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Uh, like, just outside the door. All she has to do is step out and say "Hi" to the first hobo that happens to be passing by.

    I really hate it when some chick from our group brings in a new "cousin" or something who's all quiet and sheltered, and starts speaking for her and defending her. I know, for a thing, that the quieter ones are the sluttier. Once, one of them stopped me to tell me in private "You shouldn't be saying such things around her, she doesn't know and bla bla bla...", I told her "Why don't you stop pretending you care for her, are you afraid she's gonna steal all your attention?" And a few other spicy things which I wouldn't post because Eris is going to butcher this post.


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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    I recommend scheduling her for a meeting with Sir Jack Daniels. Captain Morgan is also quite a fine fellow. If you think she's more of a dirty girl, introduce her to Jose Cuervo.
    If she's not of legal drinking age...do it secretly.

    I've had friends like that. I just forced them to come to parties and hang around my more outspoken friends and they eventually come around.
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Take her out to get food with others. Believe me, food does magical things.


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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.LeDoom! View Post
    Uh, like, just outside the door. All she has to do is step out and say "Hi" to the first hobo that happens to be passing by.

    I really hate it when some chick from our group brings in a new "cousin" or something who's all quiet and sheltered, and starts speaking for her and defending her. I know, for a thing, that the quieter ones are the sluttier. Once, one of them stopped me to tell me in private "You shouldn't be saying such things around her, she doesn't know and bla bla bla...", I told her "Why don't you stop pretending you care for her, are you afraid she's gonna steal all your attention?" And a few other spicy things which I wouldn't post because Eris is going to butcher this post.
    Excuse me? You have no right to say any of that. I can't believe you. I love her. I have been her best friend since kindergarten. And her parents abused her and her father raped her untill she was 8. So she is terrified of people. And has a right to be. And she is FINALLY asking for my help getting out there. So I'm trying to help her. So get up off your high horse and act your age.

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKitsune View Post
    Excuse me? You have no right to say any of that. I can't believe you. I love her. I have been her best friend since kindergarten. And her parents abused her and her father raped her untill she was 8. So she is terrified of people. And has a right to be. And she is FINALLY asking for my help getting out there. So I'm trying to help her. So get up off your high horse and act your age.
    Oh please, why don't you grow up? The rape and abuse attention monging is getting really old. And yes, I can say all of that every time. You're climbing the high horse now, claiming yourself to be the closest to her and adding all those nonsese details to beshine your petty act of altruism.


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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Well, for a start it would be very nice if you could take her to maybe a small gathering with friends. From there you should encourage her to maybe get one of those people on bbm or Facebook. So the next time that you want to do something again then you invite that same person. This means that she would be more comfortable with anoother person besides yourself. Eventually she wont be as "clingy"

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
    Well, for a start it would be very nice if you could take her to maybe a small gathering with friends. From there you should encourage her to maybe get one of those people on bbm or Facebook. So the next time that you want to do something again then you invite that same person. This means that she would be more comfortable with anoother person besides yourself. Eventually she wont be as "clingy"
    I dunno what the rest of your post is trying to say, but Facebook, pllllleeeeease, is the worst place to socialize. It's only meant to show off how "interesting" your life is and how big your ePeen is because you have over 9K fake eFriends on your page. None of the FB Events will ever help you IRL.


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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    The reason which I think was mentioned I didn't read everyone's comments too long and I couldn't be bothered I mean this in the nicest way possible. Anyway the reason she clings to you is because you are the only one she can trust, her only friend, if she really wants to stop being a social hermit you may have to do a bit of tough love and force her to do things she may not like at first. It may sound harsh but people all around the world say they don't like things without even trying them but they may enjoy the activities when they have been given that chance.

    I think that having little get together's with your friends like as suggested movie nights etc. She may not like it at first but over time she will develop to if forced into a routine, also try activities like a sport or social society, even something as silly as a cooking class where she is able to meet and interact with other people will be great for her. I highly recommend maybe a drama class or improvisation class as this will force her to be more social.

    I know a lot of this sounds harsh and like you would be forcing her into a big leap but sometimes depending on the person is the best way rather than slow steps, all the best with it.

  26. #21
    Senior Member Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia has a reputation beyond repute Hypatia's Avatar
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    I know that facebook is not the best place to meet people. But as much as I dislike it myself, it is a way of talking to the people that I know. Just so that I can inbox them every now and again to see what is going on or if we want to plan an outing.
    I was just trying to say that if this friend meets new people then she should keep in contact with them in some way.

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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    After briefly reading through this thread, it sounds like your friend had it rough. For now, it would probably be good for her just to be exposed to more and more social situations. invite her over when you are with friends. Take her out to the bars. Let her get acclimated to other people while she is around somebody whom she trusts. You can't really force a friendship but you can maximize the chances that she meets other people that she likes.

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    Senior Member Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith has a reputation beyond repute Sadrith's Avatar
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    Default Re: I really need help with one of my friends. Any advice would appreciated.

    To be honest taking her to a support group for people who have social problems might be a good idea. Or the one that I have found works is just make her go with you on errands to get used to simple interaction and take her to situations where there will be people and let her just decide what she wants to do. If she sits in a little corner and just waits let her she has to make a first step enough interaction will ease her to talking and trying to make other friends you might still have someone who shadows you for a while you just got to tell her you need some space if you do. A forum would help just to allow her to get a basic social interaction without having to be face to face till she understands that it isn't all that scary to try to talk to people.

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