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Thread: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

  1. #26
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~

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  3. #27
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    *Claps*


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  5. #28
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by threewolves View Post
    Very nicely done for your first poem. For the most part everything flowed very nicely, I think I only had to catch myself once or twice with the flow being off a bit. But thats to be expected on a first poem.

    Looking forward to seeing more.

    As far as poetry only to be expressing sadness, not sure if ofc meant something else, cause I think most poetry expresses other feelings than sadness, unless your only doing emo poetry. Most songs are just a variation of poetry. Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak.
    Thanks a lot man
    I accept and agree with your critiques, the poem's flow slows down a bit in some verses, I think the first strophe is clearly the best but with the second in a close match, so I feel pleased with my poem 9/10 in the first half/2 strophes, I'd give 8/10 to the third strophe and tough I like the rhymes in the last strophe I think it doesn't sound very melodic so would give it a 7 or 6/10, so guess overally I evaluate my poem 8/10, which is more than acceptable for me as it's my first poem in English

    Most songs are just a variation of poetry
    That's right! I believe that both songs and poetry are two different but both beautiful way that we found to express our own feelings, no matter how different and towards whom.

    You won't have to wait much longer for my next poem
    I think I'll try to dedicate more time to it as I finished this in 5 or 10 minutes, and it'll be sad.

    Thanks again

    Quote Originally Posted by threewolves View Post
    Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak.
    Oh, that's an original and honestly very smart way of writing poetry, thanks for sharing it, I'll definetely use it in my next poem and then I'll be able to verify whether it produced good results or not



    Quote Originally Posted by River Kingston View Post
    Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~
    Yes, I'm very sure Unless I also write poetry while I am asleep xD
    In fact, this was my first poem in English but as my last one (in portuguese) was over 6 or 7 years ago I think I can consider this to proudly be my very first one

    Oh, so kind of you, thanks a lot for your comment! So be sure to read my next poem, which will be sad



    Quote Originally Posted by Cheese the saurus Rex View Post
    *Claps*
    *Grins at you and thanks*


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


  6. #29
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    ^ Why you grinning?
    Because I'm clapping while spinning?
    Round and round and round I go
    Looks cooler in slow mo.


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  8. #30
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Uchiha_Luffy View Post
    Glad you liked, Sizary nee-chan bro xD *tears of joy for your prase*



    Aw, glad you liked it that much, I'm really thankful
    And please don't cry 'cause if you do so your eyes will be watery and therefore you won't be able to read my poem very well ah ah xD

    Btw, what's an haiku?
    PURE AWESOMNESS http://www.ehow.com/how_3336_write-haiku.html
    hella

  9. #31
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Grell Loves Jozette View Post
    Wooh, that seems really awesome, thanks a lot for making me know it
    It definetely looks original and interesting, I'll sure give it a try.

    ---------- Post added at 11:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Cheese the saurus Rex View Post
    ^ Why you grinning?
    Because I'm clapping while spinning?
    Round and round and round I go
    Looks cooler in slow mo.
    Haha, you sure have your own talent for poetry as well, @Cheese the saurus Rex

    No, I'm grinning 'cause I feel very happy
    And think it's better than if I was snappy
    I just haven't anything else to say
    So I'll rather just tell you some random thing
    As per example I'm freaking out and... bling!
    Last edited by Mugiwara-no-Basuke; 07-26-2012 at 05:57 PM.


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


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  11. #32
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    @Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku

    Uchiha luffy
    Awesome forumer luffy is
    Always "my friend".
    tehee!
    hella

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  13. #33
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Grell Loves Jozette View Post
    @Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku

    Uchiha luffy
    Awesome forumer luffy is
    Always "my friend".
    tehee!
    I like you too, @Grell Loves Jozette


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


  14. #34
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Uchiha_Luffy View Post
    I like you too, @Grell Loves Jozette
    That was suky and i think my sylables where off.
    hella

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  16. #35
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic.

    My spirits will raise and be exalted
    raise -> rise ?

    Since every soul needs some reparing
    reparing -> repairing ?


    I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~

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  18. #36
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Ooooo I lovett! *claps* You're really a very good poet, especially if that's your first try.


    Immortal fear, that voice so clear
    Through broken walls, that scream I hear
    Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall
    Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear

  19. #37
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by animeyay View Post
    Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic.

    My spirits will raise and be exalted
    raise -> rise ?

    Since every soul needs some reparing
    reparing -> repairing ?


    I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~
    Haha, I think you could if you tried I agree, the first 2 strophes of the poem are clearly, it starts very cheerful but then turns melancholic, tough it has a great message of hope and self-trust on it, good analysis you made, my friend

    Lol, of course, I thank you for that, I read this poem so many times already but failed to notice those two mistakes *face palm*


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


  20. #38
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Awesome poem. I really love it
    A set by blueangel06661

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  22. #39
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by すずめ View Post
    Awesome poem. I really love it
    Glad you liked it, hope it can somehow contribute to improve your mood dear @すずめ


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


  23. #40
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    I have random thoughts about your poem made up out of random thoughts. If that makes any sense?

    BUT i've already responded to it. I've read it already a few times... still like it.

  24. #41
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Uchiha_Luffy View Post
    Glad you liked it, hope it can somehow contribute to improve your mood dear @すずめ
    Improve my mood? *is confused now*
    A set by blueangel06661

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Your poem is soooooooo nicely done! I really love how it rhymes, and how it relates to one specific thing.~ I would love to read more of your poems

    I Became a fan of your works now~



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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by -Otaku Forever- View Post
    Your poem is soooooooo nicely done! I really love how it rhymes, and how it relates to one specific thing.~ I would love to read more of your poems

    I Became a fan of your works now~
    Aww, so sweet of you, THANKS a lot my dear
    Ha ha, don't worry, your favourite poet (which is me xD) will make you 3 sad poems (1 or 2 of them sad) and will post them as he'll come back!


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Uchiha_Luffy View Post
    Aww, so sweet of you, THANKS a lot my dear
    Ha ha, don't worry, your favourite poet (which is me xD) will make you 3 sad poems (1 or 2 of them sad) and will post them as he'll come back!
    No, THANK YOU for being too awesome You always brighten my day~
    Yay~ I can't wait to read them
    ||- Sig by Kaleohano -||


    Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Hmm, it's interesting. But I have to admit, it sounds more spiritual then what I'm used to. But it does have good structure, and I can feel what you are trying to express.

    Playstation Network ID: animerebel

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    That was a nice read. You should write some more

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Somehow I started to think about this song;







    Both your poem, and the song, is beautiful. ;-; *Takes out a tissue*

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    This is good, very uplifting

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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by The Rebel View Post
    Hmm, it's interesting. But I have to admit, it sounds more spiritual then what I'm used to. But it does have good structure, and I can feel what you are trying to express.
    Yeah, I'm spiritual But glad you liked, thanks a lot!

    Quote Originally Posted by BadBoss View Post
    That was a nice read. You should write some more
    Yeah, I definetely will, working on that atm

    Quote Originally Posted by SuXrys View Post
    Somehow I started to think about this song;

    Both your poem, and the song, is beautiful. ;-; *Takes out a tissue*
    Thanks! That's one of my favourite song and I'd have to lie to say that I actually didn't inspired a bit on it *grinning at you*

    Quote Originally Posted by Riia-chan View Post
    This is good, very uplifting
    That's my goal, to cheer you up! Poetry does not always have to be sad about broken hearts


    "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
    "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
    "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
    "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge."


  38. #50
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    Default Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts

    Wow what a great poem And to think English isn't even your first language - that's amazing!!!
    After more research it was determined that 2012 was the end of twinkies.


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