My First Poem: Random Thoughts

[Miss Marceline]

Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~

[Albear]

*Claps*

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

Very nicely done for your first poem. For the most part everything flowed very nicely, I think I only had to catch myself once or twice with the flow being off a bit. But thats to be expected on a first poem.

Looking forward to seeing more.

As far as poetry only to be expressing sadness, not sure if ofc meant something else, cause I think most poetry expresses other feelings than sadness, unless your only doing emo poetry. Most songs are just a variation of poetry. Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak.

Thanks a lot man
I accept and agree with your critiques, the poem's flow slows down a bit in some verses, I think the first strophe is clearly the best but with the second in a close match, so I feel pleased with my poem 9/10 in the first half/2 strophes, I'd give 8/10 to the third strophe and tough I like the rhymes in the last strophe I think it doesn't sound very melodic so would give it a 7 or 6/10, so guess overally I evaluate my poem 8/10, which is more than acceptable for me as it's my first poem in English

Most songs are just a variation of poetry

That's right! I believe that both songs and poetry are two different but both beautiful way that we found to express our own feelings, no matter how different and towards whom.

You won't have to wait much longer for my next poem
I think I'll try to dedicate more time to it as I finished this in 5 or 10 minutes, and it'll be sad.

Thanks again

Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak.

Oh, that's an original and honestly very smart way of writing poetry, thanks for sharing it, I'll definetely use it in my next poem and then I'll be able to verify whether it produced good results or not

Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~

Yes, I'm very sure Unless I also write poetry while I am asleep xD
In fact, this was my first poem in English but as my last one (in portuguese) was over 6 or 7 years ago I think I can consider this to proudly be my very first one

Oh, so kind of you, thanks a lot for your comment! So be sure to read my next poem, which will be sad

*Claps*

*Grins at you and thanks*

[Albear]

^ Why you grinning?
Because I'm clapping while spinning?
Round and round and round I go
Looks cooler in slow mo.

[Totes Kawaii]

Glad you liked, Sizary nee-chan bro xD *tears of joy for your prase*



Aw, glad you liked it that much, I'm really thankful
And please don't cry 'cause if you do so your eyes will be watery and therefore you won't be able to read my poem very well ah ah xD

Btw, what's an haiku?

PURE AWESOMNESS http://www.ehow.com/how_3336_write-haiku.html

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

PURE AWESOMNESS http://www.ehow.com/how_3336_write-haiku.html

Wooh, that seems really awesome, thanks a lot for making me know it
It definetely looks original and interesting, I'll sure give it a try.

---------- Post added at 11:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------

^ Why you grinning?
Because I'm clapping while spinning?
Round and round and round I go
Looks cooler in slow mo.

Haha, you sure have your own talent for poetry as well, @Cheese the saurus Rex

No, I'm grinning 'cause I feel very happy
And think it's better than if I was snappy
I just haven't anything else to say
So I'll rather just tell you some random thing
As per example I'm freaking out and... bling!

[Totes Kawaii]

@Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku

Uchiha luffy
Awesome forumer luffy is
Always "my friend".
tehee!

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

@Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku

Uchiha luffy
Awesome forumer luffy is
Always "my friend".
tehee!

I like you too, @Grell Loves Jozette

[Totes Kawaii]

I like you too, @Grell Loves Jozette

That was suky and i think my sylables where off.

[animeyay]

Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic.

My spirits will raise and be exalted
raise -> rise ?

Since every soul needs some reparing
reparing -> repairing ?


I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~

[ChibiLovett]

Ooooo I lovett! *claps* You're really a very good poet, especially if that's your first try.

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic.

My spirits will raise and be exalted
raise -> rise ?

Since every soul needs some reparing
reparing -> repairing ?


I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~

Haha, I think you could if you tried I agree, the first 2 strophes of the poem are clearly, it starts very cheerful but then turns melancholic, tough it has a great message of hope and self-trust on it, good analysis you made, my friend

Lol, of course, I thank you for that, I read this poem so many times already but failed to notice those two mistakes *face palm*

[すずめ]

Awesome poem. I really love it

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

Awesome poem. I really love it

Glad you liked it, hope it can somehow contribute to improve your mood dear @すずめ

[ForbichiAnimeTalkOnly]

I have random thoughts about your poem made up out of random thoughts. If that makes any sense?

BUT i've already responded to it. I've read it already a few times... still like it.

[すずめ]

Glad you liked it, hope it can somehow contribute to improve your mood dear @すずめ

Improve my mood? *is confused now*

[モノクロ猫]

Your poem is soooooooo nicely done! I really love how it rhymes, and how it relates to one specific thing.~ I would love to read more of your poems

I Became a fan of your works now~

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

Your poem is soooooooo nicely done! I really love how it rhymes, and how it relates to one specific thing.~ I would love to read more of your poems

I Became a fan of your works now~

Aww, so sweet of you, THANKS a lot my dear
Ha ha, don't worry, your favourite poet (which is me xD) will make you 3 sad poems (1 or 2 of them sad) and will post them as he'll come back!

[モノクロ猫]

Aww, so sweet of you, THANKS a lot my dear
Ha ha, don't worry, your favourite poet (which is me xD) will make you 3 sad poems (1 or 2 of them sad) and will post them as he'll come back!

No, THANK YOU for being too awesome You always brighten my day~
Yay~ I can't wait to read them

[The Rebel]

Hmm, it's interesting. But I have to admit, it sounds more spiritual then what I'm used to. But it does have good structure, and I can feel what you are trying to express.

[BadBoss]

That was a nice read. You should write some more

[SuXrys]

Somehow I started to think about this song;







Both your poem, and the song, is beautiful. ;-; *Takes out a tissue*

[Riia-chan]

This is good, very uplifting

[Mugiwara-no-Basuke]

Hmm, it's interesting. But I have to admit, it sounds more spiritual then what I'm used to. But it does have good structure, and I can feel what you are trying to express.

Yeah, I'm spiritual But glad you liked, thanks a lot!

That was a nice read. You should write some more

Yeah, I definetely will, working on that atm

Somehow I started to think about this song;

Both your poem, and the song, is beautiful. ;-; *Takes out a tissue*

Thanks! That's one of my favourite song and I'd have to lie to say that I actually didn't inspired a bit on it *grinning at you*

This is good, very uplifting

That's my goal, to cheer you up! Poetry does not always have to be sad about broken hearts

[-Ro-]

Wow what a great poem And to think English isn't even your first language - that's amazing!!!