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  1. #1
    Junior Member DerpyHawk is on a distinguished road DerpyHawk's Avatar
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    Default Manga Idea

    Hi, I'm a new member to these forums, and this is my first post outside the introductions forum. So I've had an idea for a Manga after thinking a few things over in my head, and after watching multiple hours of "Chuck", "That 70's show", "The Boondocks", "Full Metal Panic!", and alot others. I was just wondering if some of you guys here could give some feedback on my ideas and help me tweak it out a bit. I've asked my friends for help, and they said it was a good idea, but your friends won't tell you if they thought it was good or not .
    So I named my idea "Zeta", you'll get it if you read on, or the ending to be precise.
    The story is centered around a boy named Shawn. Shawn lives in a Chicago Apartment with his mother. Shawn's father recently died 2 years ago, and his mother is still working out financial problems because of the death. However, Shawn and his mother were not close with Shawn's father because he was always out on work trips. Shawn's mother is a Bollywood freak, so she watches a ton of Bollywood movies.
    A Nearby movie theater is featuring a popular Bollywood movie from the 90's. The movie is being shown at Midnight, and Shawn's mother (who I'm now going to call "Mom"), doesn't trust Shawn alone at night, so she takes him with her. He doesn't really want to watch the movie, so he sits on a bench outside of the theater.
    It's been a half hour into the movie, and a couple in leather jackets walk up to Shawn. Initially Shawn ignores them, until one of them demands Shawn come with them. Shawn looks at them like their crazy, until each person flashes a knife and a gun. Shawn then gets up slowly, and they walk to their car in the parking lot. Shawn then see's one of the people leave the knife out in the open. He grabs it and shoves it in his pocket. As the one with the gun pushes Shawn into the car, he grabs the kidnappers arm and cuts it with the knife. As the gun drops from the thugs hand, he catches it and holds the knife in a tactical position. He shoots the gun at one of the thugs and drops the gun, then using the knife, he lashes out at the other kidnapper and stabs them in the chest. Of course, people are staring at all them as it goes down. Shawn then realizes what he's done, and see's the 2 of the kidnappers on the ground writhing on the ground, and realizes people are staring. He stares at the knife in his hand, and the bloody blade. 5 security guards come running at Shawn, forcing him on the ground, and they take him to the security office at the movie theater. Later, as the Bollywood movie ends, Mom comes out, and is escorted to the office where Shawn is being held. She is surprised at Shawn's sudden Commando type behavior, and Shawn and Mom are escorted to a nearby police station. They're forced to stay there the night. Meanwhile, at the United Nations headquarters in London...
    3 "higher ups" (don't know what to call them as of yet ), watch the video tape of the fight Shawn and the kidnappers recently had. One of the higher ups, the highest rank, tell one of the other one to fetch the kid (Shawn). They two look at eachother and say nod.
    It's been a week since the "incident", and Shawn and his mother try ignoring it. It's about 10 pm, and Shawn is chillin on the couch with his ipod and laptop. The doorbell rings and Mom opens it. 2 men in suits are at the door, with crew cuts, and headphones. They ask Mom if they can see Shawn, and she says why. They talk in monotone and say "Classified Information" (Someone should get that reference ). Mom says no, but one of them sticks their foot in the door, and says they won't take no for an answer. They barge in and one takes Shawn and puts him in their BMW. Mom is screaming at the top of her lungs, but one injects her with a needle, and she falls asleep.
    Shawn is forced into the backseat, while the 2 men in suits get in the front seat, they ask Shawn if he's had dinner. Shawn thinks they're crazy, so decides to go along with it. He replies, "Fridays". They go to Fridays in silence, and then they arrive at Fridays. They're seated, and the two men ask Shawn questions about his life, but then they ask him, "Where did you learn to fight, Shawn?" Shawn is dumbfounded at the question and jokingly replies "What?".
    "We're very serious people, Shawn."
    "So?"
    "Where did you learn to fight Shawn?"
    "I don't know what you're talking about."
    "A week ago, you were assaulted by two kidnappers, both of them were ex-convicts, trained in Ju-Jitsu and Tae Kwon Do. No one easily walks away without a scratch after fighting 2 people like that."
    "It just happened, I don't know how I did it."
    The 2 men stare at eachother and nod.
    "We want you to come with us, Shawn, to London."
    "As in London London?!"
    "Actually it's pronounced London, you only say London once. But yes, we want you to come with us to London."
    "You're not serious are you?!"
    "As I've said before, we're very serious people Shawn."
    "Well, uh, why?"
    "We want you to join us."
    "Where?"
    "United Nation's Secret Headquarters."
    "Why, again?"
    "Your skills with handling the 2 convicts were phenominal, exceptional even."
    "So?"
    "Join the UN's secret forces, Shawn."
    Shawn is dumbfounded, and stares at them with his mouth open.
    "But I'm a kid!"
    The 2 men stare at eachother and they both laugh in unison.
    "You'll fit in just fine Shawn. Please join us."
    "What about my mom?"
    "She can come too."
    "But I have friends!"
    "Actually on the contrary, we've looked into your personal life, you have no friends, putting it bluntly."
    "U-u-u-uh no, I refuse."
    "Please reconsider."
    "No, why should I?"
    "If you were to accept, Shawn, you would have a very bright future."
    Again, Shawn stares at them with his mouth open, as he processes what he is hearing.
    "W-Well no, I'm sorry,... I can't."
    The men stare at eachother and nod, again.
    "Very well Shawn"
    The 2 men walk Shawn out the door of Fridays, and they take him home.
    "You may have refused our offer, but this is not the end of us, Shawn. Be prepared for change."
    When Shawn walks in the door, his mother is on the phone with the police, but she see's him walking in, and drops the phone. Mom runs over to Shawn and hugs him.
    Forward...
    It's been three weeks since the Fridays incident, Shawn is in school. Everyone is half asleep as the teacher is teaching the class.
    Suddenly, 2 men break through the window, and 2 others bust in through the door. The teacher is unaware anything is happening, as he is writing a complicated math equation on the board. All the children are screaming, and the 4 men stand in the 4 corners of the room, with guns pointed at the kids. Then one of the men from three weeks ago walks in through the door. Shawn exlaims "You!", but is cutoff midsentence as the man injects Shawn with the needle that he used to knock out his mother. Shawn blacks out. Afterwords the teacher turns around and says "Quiet down class."
    Shawn groggily wakes up, but he is still dazed, and doesn't remember much that has happened. As he looks around, he see's he's in an office. Shawn sits there for a minute, trying to remember what happened. He gets up, and walk to the door, still shaky from waking up. He stumbles to the door and opens it. As he opens it, he sees a giant statue of Atlas holding up the World, and offices around it. People are walking all over the place, and Shawn marvels at it all. He walks up to the statue holding up his head. He reads "United Nations". Shawn then realizes where he is. Now completely awake, Shawn runs through the crowd of people and crosses a corner. He runs through the hallway, and crosses another corner. Then he runs into someones chest, or a girls chest to be exact. Shawn is smothered, and falls down. Shawn sits up and feels his head. He stares up at the girl and is about to say "Sorry,", but is cutoff. She says "What. The. Hell. Were you doing?" Shawn doesn't here her and gets up. She says "You will pay for what you have done." Shawn looks at her from the first time. She has long dark hair and is very tall. Her face is beutiful , and she has long slanted eyes. She is around 15 or 16 years old. The girl grabs him by the neck, and starts choking him and then flings him and the statue of Atlas. Shawn says, "Wait, I said I was sorry!". He sees her slowly walking toward him, and starts to run away. He runs as fast as he can the other away, and crosses another corner, but runs into another person. She was carrying files of papers, and there all on the floor. Shawn says sorry, and tries to help her pick them up. The girl says "Erm, uh, it's okay...". By her accent you can clearly tell she's British, and she is about Shawns age.. Shawn looks back and sees the girl with long dark hair walking toward them. Shawn gets up and runs away, and the girl follows him. Shawn runs through a crowd of people, and sees a door to his right. He tries opening it, but then realizes it doesn't have a doorhandle. He tries pushing it open as fast as he can, but it won't budge. He keeps on stumbling with the door, but then it slides open to the right. Inside are 2 boys, Shawns age. One is dressed in full martial arts clothing, and is holding a tanto. The other is in a fencing outfit and has a french sabre. They both stop what their doing and stare at Shawn. Shawn says "Uh-uh." And runs in the middle of them. The girl following Shawn walks through the group, and grabs Shawn by the neck. One of the boys, the one in the fencing outfit, says "Oh, hey Athe-", but is stopped midsentence by the girl, "Shut up, Dureu.". The girl throws Shawn out the room, and his face hits the wall. Shawn quickly gets up, and runs towards a hall labled "Zeta". There is a room with big metal doors, and one of them is open. He runs into the room, and immediately covers his ear as Rap music fills the room.
    There is a bed in the middle of the room, it is the only clean part of the room. Then entire room is messy. There's a half open fridge to the side of the fridge, multiple flat-screen TV's and gaming consoles, and the floor is littered with food. On the bed a boy sits while mouthing the words to the song. He doesn't notice Shawn until about a minute.
    "Damn Muthafrella, the hell you donkey in here?"
    "Uh-"
    "Get yo donkey outa here!"
    "I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Damn."
    Shawn gets out of the room, and finds himself where he started again at the statue of Atlas. Shawn walks toward the statue, checking behind him if he's being followed. Shawn looks back at the statue, and when he looks at it more carefully. He sees some strange writing on it, but he can't make out what language it's in.
    "It's beutiful, isn't it, Shawn?"
    "Wha-?"
    Shawn looks behind him, but a needle is inserted into his neck, and he falls into a deep unconciousness.
    When Shawn wakes up, he is back in the bed he woke up in. Shawn is groggy like he was before, but this time he isn't alone. He's still fuzzy, but he makes out voices around him.
    "So you see the game yesterday?"
    "No, who won."
    "Jones."
    "Oh, look, I think he's up."
    One of the men from Fridays is staring at Shawn intently. Around him, Shawn sees all the people he's met so far. The tall, long dark haired girl, the British girl he bumped into, the two boy swordfighters, and the boy with a temper all stare at Shawn. They all stare at him for a minute, until the boy with the temper says "Well, since you sons of biches make this as akward as possible, I'ma just let myself out ." The boy tries walking out the door, but is stoped by the man, "Sit down Terrence."
    "I said to call me Treyshawn!"
    They all stare at Shawn for a minute more. Shawn tries breaking the silence by saying, "Sooo..."
    The man says, "Well, Shawn, welcome to the United Nations Secret Headquarters. I hope you'll enjoy your stay. You will stay with these 5, on Team Zeta."
    So this was my idea, I was wondering if you guys could give me some feedback on my idea, and thanks in advance!
    Last edited by DerpyHawk; 05-01-2012 at 12:12 PM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member Mini-Hawk will become famous soon enough Mini-Hawk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Zeta idea

    I think it's a cool idea

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