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Thread: Lullaby

  1. #1
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    Default Lullaby

    I would like to submit this poem in a contest and I was hoping to get some honest feedback on if I should change anything or add more to it. Tell me what you liked about it and what you didn't.

    Lullaby

    Flickering light in the distance
    Dances under the star's assistance
    Portrayed the night in simple terms
    Left me lifeless and never learns

    "Take a seat," said the crescent moon
    "Close your eyes, but hear my tune"
    A voice rather calming, it would seem
    Then, slowly I drifted, into a dream

    How unreal such visions had been
    This must just be, my imagination
    Without any windows, without any walls
    Without inhibitions, nature calls

    Kaleidoscopic world, so far away
    Nice to visit, too bad I can't stay
    Where lines connect and colors collide
    We remind our mind to open wide
    Last edited by Princess Cupcake; 03-12-2012 at 01:12 PM.

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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Lullaby

    I think it is great , it sounds very surreal. For some reason when i read it i kept thinking about psychedelic rock...With that said, you should really submit it in the contest.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Quote Originally Posted by Munchman View Post
    I think it is great , it sounds very surreal. For some reason when i read it i kept thinking about psychedelic rock...With that said, you should really submit it in the contest.
    Thank you! That's exactly what I was going for.

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  5. #4
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    Default Re: Lullaby

    I think of non-concrete, imaginative settings. Like you are talking about dreams.
    I liked the flow of the poem, almost like a song.


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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Thank you Cheesecake <3
    Quote Originally Posted by Aerodynamic Cheesecake View Post
    I think of non-concrete, imaginative settings. Like you are talking about dreams.
    I liked the flow of the poem, almost like a song.
    It's like a dream,
    but is it a dream?
    Or is it reality?
    Maybe just a fantasy.
    Maybe it was real,
    but now it's not...
    could be,
    that is doesn't exist at all.

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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Smells like fantasy is what I feel..
    You write your poems beyond what is real.

    Too lazy right now so this is all I could make..
    Time to chow down on some mudda frippin cheesecake.


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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Quote Originally Posted by Aerodynamic Cheesecake View Post
    Smells like fantasy is what I feel..
    You write your poems beyond what is real.

    Too lazy right now so this is all I could make..
    Time to chow down on some mudda frippin cheesecake.
    Omg~ I love this! You are fuggin hilarious <3

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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Poems are used to express both reality and imagination

  14. #9
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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Quote Originally Posted by Hattatori Hanzo View Post
    Poems are used to express both reality and imagination
    To me, they are the same.

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    Default Re: Lullaby

    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Cupcake View Post
    To me, they are the same.
    indeed

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