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Thread: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

  1. #1
    Nice Boat Captain Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa.'s Avatar
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    Post Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Okay, so I would like to know if anyone has ever misinterpreted another person's kindness, or friendliness as a sign that they're interested in you. Or, has anyone misunderstood your kindness or friendliness as being interested in them? I would like your opinion of my situation:

    Back when I worked as a cashier for a super market in late 2010, I met this girl whom also worked there as a cashier. We didn't notice each other at first, but a week after she started, we both walked into the cash room together to hand in our register tills. We made some small talk, and introduced each other. Then, her face came way close to mine, about five hunderths of an inch! My face turned completely red, and I got hot. I don't remember why she did that though. I told her I hope to see her again tomorrow. From then on, we would see each other in the market on a regular basis. Whenever we were working on registers right next to each others, we would chat when we had no customers. When our registers were seperate, we would sneak over to each other's register and chat again. I bragged and told her I could find any movie that was already out, and burn it for her. She made a request of three movies and I gave them to her the next day. For the remainder of the time she was there, she would go out of her way, and buy me lunch, and chocolates every day as a small thank you. Some small thank you, eh? I even trusted her enough, and gave her a spare key to my employee locker. We texted occasionally too. She eventually got fired, and I was told by co-workers that there was $100 missing from her register on her last day.
    Anyways, here are the details about her: She is Japanese/Italian American (what a beautiful combination!). She has a fiance. She's a nice, small girl, about 5'2''-5'3''. She likes both sushi and pizza lol. It seems odd that I'm the only guy at the market she ever talked to. One time, one customer told me she was the prettiest girl in the store. I told him, I would have to agree! She isn't into anime. She's from Las Vegas, moved to my town, and then back to Vegas (from what I was told). Before she left, she gave me a thank you letter. Now, this thank you letter has my name on it, and a cute sticker to seal it, and has Minne Mouse on it. It contained two pictures of me pasted onto a beach background of where I was born. I'm not going to explain the whole letter, but her last words were, "Your Japanese twin, <3333 Stacy." You want to know what's even more interesting? We were both born on the same month, on the same day, on the same year XD Right now, she and her fiance are both serving the US military.
    So what do you think? Did she like me, despite having a fiance? Both male and female input would be nice
    Last edited by Hideki Motosuwa.; 02-20-2012 at 09:47 PM.

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    that is way too much to read. so ill just assume some chick turned you down thought she was into you but ended up being a lesbian. happens to me all the time -_-

  3. #3
    Nice Boat Captain Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by sataned View Post
    that is way too much to read. so ill just assume some chick turned you down thought she was into you but ended up being a lesbian. happens to me all the time -_-
    Haha, don't worry man, reading my story is optional. Oh, and that would really suck if something like that happened to me XD

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


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  4. #4
    Senior Member Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty has a reputation beyond repute Matty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Hmmm.... interesting story. I would have to say yes; she was interested. I've come across similar situations actually; her fiance isn't around right? So it gives her the ability to openly flirt, and test the water with other guys.... it's only natural, especially if it's a long term relationship they're in. Now.... would it have gone further than harmless flirting? 50/50 result... it all depends on the girl i guess. I would'nt recommend going for a girl in a comitted relationship tho, because if she does go for you instead, who's to say she won't do the same thing to you down the road.

    Maybe you're just a really good looking Asian? Lol; yeah I think you read the signs correctly tho.

    I should mention that I meant "Test the water" in the sense of seeing your reaction, not analyzing who would make a better fiance, lol.
    Last edited by Matty; 02-21-2012 at 01:14 AM.

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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    I would say she liked you, as a friend. And i'm sure if she was single she would have liked to take it further. Girls love to flirt, even when we're not single. I catch myself having little crushes on other guys now and then, but it's harmless since I'm totally devoted my BF, in fact I usually tell him about guys I like, and vice versa, cos it's innocent. Sounds like a nice experience and you should treasure the memory!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon has a reputation beyond repute Ribbon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Wow. That's called a soulmate or something. O: Nice story, its really cute. I think perhaps she thought you were a wonderful person; but since she was engaged... she didn't want to take it further.

    Personally though, the friendly thing happens all the time. I meet a lot of nice guys and then I get confused. It's the same thing vice versa, I always try to be kind of people I don't know so much so people assume I have a crush on them. Tis life~

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  7. #7
    Nice Boat Captain Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa.'s Avatar
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    Post Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Matty View Post
    Hmmm.... interesting story. I would have to say yes; she was interested. I've come across similar situations actually; her fiance isn't around right? So it gives her the ability to openly flirt, and test the water with other guys.... it's only natural, especially if it's a long term relationship they're in. Now.... would it have gone further than harmless flirting? 50/50 result... it all depends on the girl i guess. I would'nt recommend going for a girl in a comitted relationship tho, because if she does go for you instead, who's to say she won't do the same thing to you down the road.

    Maybe you're just a really good looking Asian? Lol; yeah I think you read the signs correctly tho.

    I should mention that I meant "Test the water" in the sense of seeing your reaction, not analyzing who would make a better fiance, lol.
    Well, I only saw her fiance only once, so I assume they picked out a place to live temporarily in my town for the duration of the time she was working there.

    You're right. That makes me reconsider going for a girl who openly flirts with other guys behind their backs.

    Indeed, that's what I've been told lol. The ladies don't know what they're missing.

    Before and after I found out she had a fiance, I still think that I was a guy she put some trust in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jasanime View Post
    I would say she liked you, as a friend. And i'm sure if she was single she would have liked to take it further. Girls love to flirt, even when we're not single. I catch myself having little crushes on other guys now and then, but it's harmless since I'm totally devoted my BF, in fact I usually tell him about guys I like, and vice versa, cos it's innocent. Sounds like a nice experience and you should treasure the memory!
    Maybe it was only her trying to be a friend, but I do indeed treasure the memory But are you sure a girl mingling with other guys while having a partner is harmless though? I'm sure it is for a trusted relationship, and that's what you two seem to have.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbon View Post
    Wow. That's called a soulmate or something. O: Nice story, its really cute. I think perhaps she thought you were a wonderful person; but since she was engaged... she didn't want to take it further.

    Personally though, the friendly thing happens all the time. I meet a lot of nice guys and then I get confused. It's the same thing vice versa, I always try to be kind of people I don't know so much so people assume I have a crush on them. Tis life~
    You really think so? XD Well, if her fiance was scum of the earth, do you think I could have pulled a "Jack Dawson?" lol. Wait, nah, that wouldn't be a good idea. Then I'm the scum.

    Perhaps it's the people that need someone that are quickest to assume you like them?

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


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  8. #8
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    @Hideki Motosuwa , It only happens occasionally of course. But I would never like, lead someone on or pretend to be single or anything like that! And I certainly wouldn't buy chocolates for another guy on a regular basis, so maybe this girl really was tempted!

    When you are with someone for so long, you are bound to find someone else attractive now and then. For example my bf at the moment thinks the girl at the the liquor store is cute, and is convinced she likes him! So I went with him to check her out and was actually disappointed in his bad taste!

    I think things like this strengthen our relationship because we know neither of us would throw away what we have for a little crush. I think it's important to be honest so that you can trust each other, because IMO anyone in a long term relationship who says they have NEVER found someone else attractive is lying.

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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    I find her actions rather...questionable.

    To start, unless you get confirmation from someone, never assume that their kindness and friendliness is a sign of romantic interest. Because then you can get issues. As I've admitted before, I'm the type of girl who flirts a lot. I'm surrounded by guys, I hang out with them a lot, so I tend to flirt a lot. Does that mean that I am "interested" in every single guy that I flirt with? No, because I would be humped 24/7 if that was the case.

    She seems to a bit of the flirtatious type but seems to be blind of how you actually feel about her (or she knows and doesn't care). I mean, is it really unusual for a friend to buy lunch or buy candy for another friend? Not really. It can certainly be romantic if the two people are actually in a relationship, but its not a definitive thing. Now, because of this, she isn't going to point out the fact that the two of you are just friends, since it is a friendly gesture and since she has a fiance (you should know better). You guys worked next to each other, talked to each other, and gave other things. Just like friends do. Not really a sign of romantic interest.

    Of course, considering the fact that she was freaking FIRED from her job, what with a substantial amount of money missing from her register and all, I would try to push that romance out of your head.
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  10. #10
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    Post Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasanime View Post
    @Hideki Motosuwa , It only happens occasionally of course. But I would never like, lead someone on or pretend to be single or anything like that! And I certainly wouldn't buy chocolates for another guy on a regular basis, so maybe this girl really was tempted!

    When you are with someone for so long, you are bound to find someone else attractive now and then. For example my bf at the moment thinks the girl at the the liquor store is cute, and is convinced she likes him! So I went with him to check her out and was actually disappointed in his bad taste!

    I think things like this strengthen our relationship because we know neither of us would throw away what we have for a little crush. I think it's important to be honest so that you can trust each other, because IMO anyone in a long term relationship who says they have NEVER found someone else attractive is lying.
    Hm... perhaps.

    Ha, what about the girl made you think he had bad taste?

    That's true. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I've never had a real relationship before, and I'm worried a girl might leave me for some other guy who suits her fancies. That's why I haven't tried yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by wolfgirl90 View Post
    I find her actions rather...questionable.

    To start, unless you get confirmation from someone, never assume that their kindness and friendliness is a sign of romantic interest. Because then you can get issues. As I've admitted before, I'm the type of girl who flirts a lot. I'm surrounded by guys, I hang out with them a lot, so I tend to flirt a lot. Does that mean that I am "interested" in every single guy that I flirt with? No, because I would be humped 24/7 if that was the case.

    She seems to a bit of the flirtatious type but seems to be blind of how you actually feel about her (or she knows and doesn't care). I mean, is it really unusual for a friend to buy lunch or buy candy for another friend? Not really. It can certainly be romantic if the two people are actually in a relationship, but its not a definitive thing. Now, because of this, she isn't going to point out the fact that the two of you are just friends, since it is a friendly gesture and since she has a fiance (you should know better). You guys worked next to each other, talked to each other, and gave other things. Just like friends do. Not really a sign of romantic interest.

    Of course, considering the fact that she was freaking FIRED from her job, what with a substantial amount of money missing from her register and all, I would try to push that romance out of your head.
    Speaking of that, there's one girl I can get confirmation from (I'm pretty sure of it), and she was also a co-worker of mine. Surprisingly enough, this girl confessed to me out of the blue, and told me that if she didn't have a fiance, she would have gone for me lol. About you being flirty, you do tell the guys that you're just being friendly, right? Or do they have to figure that out for themselves? That would be kind of egging them on if you don't tell them somehow XD

    You're most likely right about that. It just felt too awkward to ask, considering our time together was brief. Whether she liked me or not, it was a pleasure to know her.

    Nah, I'm over that. I was just curious is all. I don't really think much of it anymore. I had to, in order to type this thread though! lol. Fortunately for her, there was no investigation. I hope she and her fiance are doing well in the military.

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    @Hideki Motosuwa (great name by the way) the girl was just very plain looking and quite ordinary. Nothing wrong with that of course, but I like ppl who stand out! You shouldn't let your fear hold you back either. Chances are you will get hurt a few times before you meet the right girl, but the bad experiences help you recognise a really good experience!

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasanime View Post
    @Hideki Motosuwa (great name by the way) the girl was just very plain looking and quite ordinary. Nothing wrong with that of course, but I like ppl who stand out! You shouldn't let your fear hold you back either. Chances are you will get hurt a few times before you meet the right girl, but the bad experiences help you recognise a really good experience!
    It's a cool name, but I think you got the wrong Hideki XD That Hideki hasn't been online since 2005.

    Ah, a plain jane, okay lol. Though not unexpected, I don't really look forward to being hurt. Yes, I'm a sensitive bloke. Oh well, whatever happens, happens.

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE38SKRT4ak



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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Hideki Motosuwa. View Post
    It's a cool name, but I think you got the wrong Hideki XD That Hideki hasn't been online since 2005.

    Ah, a plain jane, okay lol. Though not unexpected, I don't really look forward to being hurt. Yes, I'm a sensitive bloke. Oh well, whatever happens, happens.
    The wrong Hideki? I'm new to the forum so never met any others....

  14. #14
    Nice Boat Captain Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasanime View Post
    The wrong Hideki? I'm new to the forum so never met any others....
    Lol, just make sure to put a dot after the name Hideki Motosuwa whenever mentioning me XD In fact that's how I was able to use this name in the first place, because I didn't feel like making a request to have someone else's unused account.


    Thank you to everyone who responded. Your input is very much appreciated

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE38SKRT4ak



  15. Likes Jasanime liked this post
  16. #15
    Great Witch of Britannia wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90 has a reputation beyond repute wolfgirl90's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Hideki Motosuwa. View Post
    About you being flirty, you do tell the guys that you're just being friendly, right? Or do they have to figure that out for themselves? That would be kind of egging them on if you don't tell them somehow XD.
    I don't tell them initially, if only because the female population at my school is very low and most of the girls here do their share of flirting since we are surrounded by a bunch of smart, nerdy guys. So most of the guys already know what the deal is. Not every girl is romantically interested in them. However, I do tell guys directly that I'm not really interested; I'm the direct sort of person. If I just left them to their own devices so that they could figure it out for themselves, I would probably have a bunch of guys chasing me. And I don't need that...
    ...
    I have finals coming up.
    This is my war face.

    This is what happens to trolls who mess with me.

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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    You know, this is pretty much how most romantic misunderstandings happen. More common than you think.
    If each mistake being made is a new one, then progress is being made.

  18. #17
    Senior Member DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    dude, you're a lesbian!

     


  19. #18
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by Matty View Post
    Hmmm.... interesting story. I would have to say yes; she was interested. I've come across similar situations actually; her fiance isn't around right? So it gives her the ability to openly flirt, and test the water with other guys....
    this is why i'm staying single until i'm out of the device. you guys can not be trusted lol

    Last edited by Kaleohano; 02-28-2012 at 07:55 PM.
    Kaleohano derailing threads everywhere he go
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  20. #19
    Senior Member tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    our story is quite the same. well i have this crush of mine who already has a girlfriend but spends with me most of his time. we call eachother names and he often tells me i'm crazy and i tell him he's abnormal. he's very sweet to me though. but others advise me to avoid him "~

  21. #20
    Nice Boat Captain Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa. has a reputation beyond repute Hideki Motosuwa.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Mistaking kindess and friendliness for interest

    Quote Originally Posted by tesaamari View Post
    our story is quite the same. well i have this crush of mine who already has a girlfriend but spends with me most of his time. we call eachother names and he often tells me i'm crazy and i tell him he's abnormal. he's very sweet to me though. but others advise me to avoid him "~
    Well, that's cute. I think they're telling you to avoid him because he's taken maybe? For me, people are so confusing sometimes =O Believe it or not, I think some males are more complex than a lot of females. Anyways, that's interesting that he has a girlfriend, but spends most of his time with you. Perhaps he's not able to see her that often? You don't have to tell me details if you don't want to though.

    Oh, Hi-deeki, imagine... your kind not eating raw fish! ^_^


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE38SKRT4ak



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