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Thread: The Friend? or The Crush?

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    Default The Friend? or The Crush?

    Just a hypothetical question: Suppose you happened to be emotionally attached with a long-time crush (you probably barely talk with) at first, and later, with a long-time friend (who probably is always there when you need), who would you go for?

    Note: Both are of the opposite gender.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    The long-time friend.

    But, you know, it's not like you have to settle for anyone. If you don't have any romantic feelings for the friend, maybe you should just stay, well, alone.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    It doesn't matter what they are, friend or crush. It depends on who you feel strong feelings for. Give it some time then you will find out who you like more, it's best to make your choice then instead of now.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysteresis View Post
    Just a hypothetical question: Suppose you happened to be emotionally attached with a long-time crush (you probably barely talk with) at first, and later, with a long-time friend (who probably is always there when you need), who would you go for?
    *sigh* What's with these relationship threads lately?.......

    I can't imagine being emotionally attached to someone I barely talk to. I've had crushes before and they turned out as most crushes turn out: shallow puppy love. How much of an emotional attachment can I have with someone I barely talk to? Or rather, what relationship could possibly form out of it?

    So of course, if I became emotionally attached to a long-time friend, I would go for them, the person who has always been by my side, versus the person I don't even talk to.
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Hmm. that question is hard but my advice is go for the one whom owns your <3

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    It would have to be the friend. If I've known them long enough, then that should mean that we have a lot in common and I feel plenty comfortable to be around them.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    For most people, it would be the Long Time Friend, considering there's less actual feelings for the Crush because you don't actually know the person.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Senel Coolidge View Post
    For most people, it would be the Long Time Friend, considering there's less actual feelings for the Crush because you don't actually know the person.
    ^ That.

    If I would feel about the same on the "crush level" for them both of course, or else I would try to go for the one I would feel the most for.


    But this is actually a little hard question to answer, because if your old friend would reject you... then what would you do? You could, after all, lose a friend in the process if you would try to go after him/her... So (in a way) going after the person that you have admired from a distance is the must 'safer'choice.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    I had a crush once upon a time on a newly transfered classmate....... But once I realized I liked him I straightforwardly asked if he wanted to be friends. [this was in 7th grade]... He said yes... Almost a year out of highschool my crush became my best friend. He's not exactly datable material in my opinion [learned this via. being friends with him] because he's a bit of a dbag at times. But totally best friend material [a case of you really don't know what your "crush" is like until you REALLLLY meet them.lol. Plus we both have gf's/bf's now... :]

    I don't see the point in having a crush you don't talk to.
    Last edited by blueangel06661; 01-22-2012 at 10:46 AM.


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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Depends on the situation, really. Just because you're very comfortable around a longtime friend doesn't mean you'll want to pursue any different kind of relationship with that person, and just because it's a crush doesn't mean you couldn't end up getting to know them better and find out you both get along very well.
    I've been in situations where I've sort of known people for awhile and wasn't really friends with them, and one conversation showed we really had more in common than I thought.
    So yeah, depends.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Neither, they're both of the opposite gender!

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Hypothetically, what if it's both?

    In my case it is.
    Not everything is black and white like that.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Helvetica View Post
    Hypothetically, what if it's both?

    In my case it is.
    I don't know how you're doing it but I don't think it's a good idea... =.=

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysteresis View Post
    I don't know how you're doing it but I don't think it's a good idea... =.=
    How is that a bad idea? I fell in love with a girl, she became a very good friend and years later we're engaged.
    Not everything is black and white like that.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Helvetica View Post
    How is that a bad idea? I fell in love with a girl, she became a very good friend and years later we're engaged.
    I think you might have misunderstood the question a bit (or I'm misunderstanding you right now). But he ment if you had 2 completely different friends. 1 that is not very close to you and 1 who is your best friend. Attracted somewhat to both, which one would you choose.

    And am i the only one to think about a friend zone situation occuring here.. I was almost certain someone else would have posted a friend zone comment. @SuXrys did mention the about the newer person being your safer way to go and other things as well i guess. I'ts actually what i'm agreeing with as well. You could end up having that awkward moment if you go after your best friend and then they reject you and stick you in the dreaded "friend zone". Then you are just stuck there being all sad and depressed for awhile, and things could become awkward between you and said "best friend".
    And as @wolfgirl90 said about the lesser known friend, it's just puppy love. You really don't know what you are getting into when you go after someone this way. You could end up having like nothing in common at all and if that happens where does the relationship go from there? what do you build off of? how can you even have a working relationship like that.
    So, overall
    Best friend
    1. Can build a far better relationship with this person most likely
    2. you know what you are getting into with this person, their likes/dislikes, personality etc.
    3 . Can be a riskier choice though and you could possible screw up a friendship
    Other friend
    1. You barely talk so you dont know what you would be getting yourself into with this girl
    2. as it was said before, you dont know what you are getting into so your likes and dislikes could not match up very well and there will be no middle ground for your relationship to build off of.
    3.Less risky, as of this point you are not as emotionally attached to this girl as you are with your best friend. If you were to get shot down and things became awkward it wouldnt matter as much since you really dont talk much right now anyways.

    In my opinion your other friend option is like a grab bag sorta situation. You are just reaching into the random bag hoping to pull something good out of it. You may find a diamond, but chances are you are going to end up with just a lump of dirt.
    Last edited by aerophobia; 01-23-2012 at 03:55 AM.
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    I agree with what most are saying about going with the long time friend. But keep this in mind also, if you haven't developed the nerve to get to know and express your feelings for the crush, though comfortable with them, you may have the same problem with revealing your feelings to the friend. If you don't know how your friend feels be ready if they wish to remain good friends.

    Why does it have to be opposite gender btw? What if someone gay was in the same situation between their friend and that person they cross paths with often that they've developed an affection for? I mean, generally, it is the same issue for them; is it not? You could say its harder because both choices may result in not having equal feelings for the individual, but the same chance of rejection would cover for the opposite gender scenario as well.

    (Lets stay on the topic though. I know how these can get away when adding other subject matter.)




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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Crush :P It would be kinda awkward going out with a friend since our original purpose was to just talk to each other and be friends :/

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by aerophobia View Post
    I think you might have misunderstood the question a bit (or I'm misunderstanding you right now). But he ment if you had 2 completely different friends. 1 that is not very close to you and 1 who is your best friend. Attracted somewhat to both, which one would you choose.
    Not at all. I was asked which one I would choose, I chose a hypothetical situation where they're both the same person.
    Not everything is black and white like that.

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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Helvetica View Post
    Not at all. I was asked which one I would choose, I chose a hypothetical situation where they're both the same person.
    I see. I have misunderstood.

    @aerophobia , to give justice to your long explanation, I believe it's better if I get down to details. And yes, it's a personal situation.
     
    I think it was about the same time I got acquainted with both of them.

    I became interested with my crush because of our similar, peculiar interests. Every time I have the chance to show off to her, I did. I fell in love particularly with her cute smile. But this crush is more obsessed in studies than me, so although we're "friends" somewhat, I seldom talk to her. And if we do, it'll be only about our interests. Me? I became obsessed with her; the gap between our communication might have caused it. I was longing for her. The reason I'm chasing after her was because she's treating me differently. I thought it was fine because I didn't want to be friend-zone'd. A year of courting and I ended up nowhere--she rejected me. Although she's now acting that she likes me; it's torturing me. I knew that she prioritize studies more than anything like "love".

    And here's my friend whom I can't exactly remember when did we start being friends. But I found out earlier that we take the same route going home. She is not as physically attractive as my crush; I had a scary first impression of her, until I got to know her more. Back then, I think it was every night that I get to chat with her, and sometimes besides her when in class. When I was about to like her, she told me that she used to be in a relationship; she had an ex. And I believe that what she told me not too long ago that she still likes him--is still true. She was the only accessible female person when my crush rejected me; and I'm holding back a feeling that I may regret.

    So that's the gist of it. I'm confused with whom I like or what to do. And now I'm here to call you AF peeps for help.

  21. #20
    Senior Member Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel has a reputation beyond repute Saeriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfgirl90 View Post
    I can't imagine being emotionally attached to someone I barely talk to.
    ^ This. If you don't talk to them, you don't really know anything about them probably *shrug*. In that case it's likely simply an aesthetics preference, and in that case, it just sounds like it shall turn out poorly.

  22. #21
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    My best friend. A friend knows your likes, dislikes, been there for you from thick and thin, and genuinely loves you (in most cases). A crush, first of all you already like them, but what are chances of them returning the feelings towards you? It's real slim. And for telling a friend you like them, it takes the friendship into the next level. But you should be prepared for it, right? I just think I was lucky to end up with my best friend. hehe

  23. #22
    Senior Member SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by aerophobia View Post
     
    I think you might have misunderstood the question a bit (or I'm misunderstanding you right now). But he ment if you had 2 completely different friends. 1 that is not very close to you and 1 who is your best friend. Attracted somewhat to both, which one would you choose.

    And am i the only one to think about a friend zone situation occuring here.. I was almost certain someone else would have posted a friend zone comment. @SuXrys did mention the about the newer person being your safer way to go and other things as well i guess. I'ts actually what i'm agreeing with as well. You could end up having that awkward moment if you go after your best friend and then they reject you and stick you in the dreaded "friend zone". Then you are just stuck there being all sad and depressed for awhile, and things could become awkward between you and said "best friend".
    And as @wolfgirl90 said about the lesser known friend, it's just puppy love. You really don't know what you are getting into when you go after someone this way. You could end up having like nothing in common at all and if that happens where does the relationship go from there? what do you build off of? how can you even have a working relationship like that.
    So, overall
    Best friend
    1. Can build a far better relationship with this person most likely
    2. you know what you are getting into with this person, their likes/dislikes, personality etc.
    3 . Can be a riskier choice though and you could possible screw up a friendship
    Other friend
    1. You barely talk so you dont know what you would be getting yourself into with this girl
    2. as it was said before, you dont know what you are getting into so your likes and dislikes could not match up very well and there will be no middle ground for your relationship to build off of.
    3.Less risky, as of this point you are not as emotionally attached to this girl as you are with your best friend. If you were to get shot down and things became awkward it wouldnt matter as much since you really dont talk much right now anyways.

    In my opinion your other friend option is like a grab bag sorta situation. You are just reaching into the random bag hoping to pull something good out of it. You may find a diamond, but chances are you are going to end up with just a lump of dirt.
    I agree with you so much... Even if you know your friend so much more then a long distance "puppy-love-crush" it's a much more difficult choice to make in a way, since you are in the risk of being "friend zoned". I have for example rejected atleast one/two guy/guys now each year these last couple of years since I started at the Univeristy (and then they havn't even all the times been those kind of guys that never talks to girls, but instead most of the times being on the more popular/social side. So no prejudices now please).... and them been asking me... it hurts. Because after I have said that im not interested in taking our friendship further and that Im sorry if they have been thinking something else - I have lost the friendship that I had with them; I don't hang with them anymore. It have just proven to be too difficult. Losing the friendship that I had with them hurts so much, especially since one of them was one of the best friends that I have ever had... If I could go back in time I think I would do that on the spot, since I miss the friendship that I had with them so much. I miss them, but now because of me rejecting them I have lost them.

    I think that before you're going to take the risk of asking a friend about his/hers feelings for you then you have to try to make yourself as sure as you possible can get about her/his feelings before "asking the question". Try to flirt with them; do they reply back?? exc exc. Try to figure out how she/he feels about you aswell, before even thinking about asking. Don't just go and ask if she/he likes you if you don't have any hunch/clue about that persons feelings in return: because you are then in a bigger risk of being rejected (and losing a friend also in the process). Being loved in return by the person that you love can be the most wonderful feeling in the world, but please, for your own sake then try to do as much as you possible can in beforehand in trying to figure out that persons feeling for you / before asking. Because trust me, being rejected and also losing her/him as your friend isn't worth the risk.

  24. #23
    Senior Member aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia has a reputation beyond repute aerophobia's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysteresis View Post
    I see. I have misunderstood.

    @aerophobia , to give justice to your long explanation, I believe it's better if I get down to details. And yes, it's a personal situation.
     
    I think it was about the same time I got acquainted with both of them.

    I became interested with my crush because of our similar, peculiar interests. Every time I have the chance to show off to her, I did. I fell in love particularly with her cute smile. But this crush is more obsessed in studies than me, so although we're "friends" somewhat, I seldom talk to her. And if we do, it'll be only about our interests. Me? I became obsessed with her; the gap between our communication might have caused it. I was longing for her. The reason I'm chasing after her was because she's treating me differently. I thought it was fine because I didn't want to be friend-zone'd. A year of courting and I ended up nowhere--she rejected me. Although she's now acting that she likes me; it's torturing me. I knew that she prioritize studies more than anything like "love".

    And here's my friend whom I can't exactly remember when did we start being friends. But I found out earlier that we take the same route going home. She is not as physically attractive as my crush; I had a scary first impression of her, until I got to know her more. Back then, I think it was every night that I get to chat with her, and sometimes besides her when in class. When I was about to like her, she told me that she used to be in a relationship; she had an ex. And I believe that what she told me not too long ago that she still likes him--is still true. She was the only accessible female person when my crush rejected me; and I'm holding back a feeling that I may regret.

    So that's the gist of it. I'm confused with whom I like or what to do. And now I'm here to call you AF peeps for help.
    As for your first friend you mentioned, girls can be teases sometimes. FACT: girls like to act flirty all the time. <--- I'm not saying that is all girls, but a big majority id say. I think you gotta have a really keen eye to tell if a girl is flirting directly to you or just being a flirt in general. I understand what you are saying as well but all there is to say is that if you don't start talking to this girl more often there will not be any relationship chance. You gotta get active with this girl, invite her to do stuff, and it doesn't have to be just you and her, it could be with a group of friends. Talk to her more, if its just in class or during lunch even. Or just txt her every once in awhile (assuming you both have phones).
    As for your best friend there...If she did in fact mention to you that she still likes some other guy, i would suggest not going after her since you will most likely be getting rejected then.
    I could just say sit and wait it out for your feelings to mature and the answer will come to you, but in the back of my head i am sure you would be falling for your best friend since she will be the one thats around you all the time while your other friend is just sittin over there bein all distant still. Your best option would have to be to get active with this. Go out there and do stuff with both of them, send some subtle hints that you like them if you can and take note of their reaction.
    "“Loneliness is a disease that can lead to death. They might as well be the same thing.”---spice and wolf

    “When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.” -- Fiona Apple

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  26. #24
    Senior Member SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys has a reputation beyond repute SuXrys's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    Quote Originally Posted by aerophobia View Post
    As for your first friend you mentioned, girls can be teases sometimes. FACT: girls like to act flirty all the time. <--- I'm not saying that is all girls, but a big majority id say.
    No we don't.

    I think that it's more common that someone are misinterpreting someone's actions as "flirty" (when that person maybe are just being nice) then that a person actually are flirting with someone. Now Im also just talking in general.

    I think you gotta have a really keen eye to tell if a girl is flirting directly to you or just being a flirt in general. I understand what you are saying as well but all there is to say is that if you don't start talking to this girl more often there will not be any relationship chance. You gotta get active with this girl, invite her to do stuff, and it doesn't have to be just you and her, it could be with a group of friends. Talk to her more, if its just in class or during lunch even. Or just txt her every once in awhile (assuming you both have phones).
    That is things even a normal guy friend could do with a female friend of his. If you are having a close female friend that you want to get even closer with, then those things won't "be enough". If you are supposed to flirt - then you have to flirt. Be "over clear" with it, so there are no rooms for missunderstandings. If you flirt with her and notices that she doesn't reply back in the way that you wanted, fine, then just joke it away and change the subject. But just hanging out with a girl isn't to flirt with her.


    ---------------------------------
    Also something that I would like to add to this thread, since I have had this discussion with a friend of mine:
    * When exactly do you "date" someone - and when is it just a "hanging out with a female/male friend"? When does it tip over to the other situation?

  27. #25
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    Default Re: The Friend? or The Crush?

    long time friend. you know they'll be ther for you






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