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Thread: Sampaguita - "Hold on", by Marlene (A line bugs me)

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    Default Sampaguita - "Hold on", by Marlene (A line bugs me)

    Hi everyone.

    I've completed the translation of the Ending Song of the Playstation 1 game Sampaguita (3rd game of the Yarudora series), "Hold on", by Marlene Pena Lim.

    It's a frikkin' awesome song, fitting for that great game, and I had tons of fun translating it. But there's a single line I'm not exactly sure if I translated it correctly. Can someone please look at it, see if I got it right, and if not, propose me an alternate translation of it? (And if you eventually see something that could be improved somewhere else in the lyrics while we're at it, don't hesitate pointing it out, I'm open to all suggestions). Thanks in advance!


    Giving you the lyrics in Kanji, and my English translation of it. The line bugging me is bolded and orange-coloured.



    Japanese lyrics, Kanji:


    夜が終わらなければ いいと思った
    二度と目覚めなくても いいと思った

    あなたの胸に 抱かれた時の
    鼓動が 心 溶かす

    Hold on
     もう迷わずに
    Your love
     進んでゆける
    あなたと出会えた 場所から始める

    Hold on
     会いたい気持ち
    Your love
     痛みに変わる
    約束した日のあなたの声を
    耳に残して

    いつも過ちばかり 繰り返していた
    私 導いたのは あなたの強さ

    子供の頃に 感じたような
    柔らかな手で つつむ


    Hold on
     幸せなんて
    Your love
     知らなくていい
    凍えた思いは過去に消えていた
    Hold on
     二人で生きた
    Your love
     時を抱きしめ
    もう一度あなたに会えるときまで
    振り返らない

    Hold on
     もう迷わずに
    Your love
     進んでゆける
    あなたと出会えた 場所から始める

    Hold on
     会いたい気持ち
    Your love
     痛みに変わる
    約束した日のあなたの声を
    耳に残して



    My English translation:


    I once thought it didn't matter if the night wouldn't end
    I once thought it didn't matter if I would never wake up again.

    But the instant you held me into your chest,
    Your heartbeat thawed my heart.

    HOLD ON! I won't waver anymore
    YOUR LOVE! I will walk forward,
    Starting from the place we first met.

    HOLD ON! This desire of meeting you again
    YOUR LOVE! Changes into pain,
    Leaving in my ears
    Your voice from that day we promised ourselves to each other.

    Ever since, I did nothing but repeat my mistakes.
    What guided me throught the right way, was your strength.

    When you're embracing me with those tender hands of yours,
    It feels like I'm in my childhood days.


    HOLD ON! It's fine if
    YOUR LOVE! I don't experience happiness
    My cold feelings vanished with the past
    HOLD ON! Cherising the times
    YOUR LOVE! We were living together,
    I won't turn back
    Till the day I'll meet you once again.

    HOLD ON! I won't waver anymore
    YOUR LOVE! I will walk forward,
    Starting from the place we first met.

    HOLD ON! This desire of meeting you again
    YOUR LOVE! Changes into pain,
    Leaving in my ears
    Your voice from that day we promised ourselves to each other.
    Last edited by AceNoctali; 03-19-2012 at 04:23 PM.
    人の悲しみがわかる優しさと
    人の悲しみを救える勇気と
    人の悲しみに打ち勝つ力を
    『「ファイアーエムブレム:聖戦の系譜」のA-ランクエンディング』

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    Default Re: Sampaguita - "Hold on", by Marlene (A line bugs me)

    I think I know what the problem is, but I'm not sure how to explain it. Your t/l puts the recollection as a causative (whenever...) whereas the line only mentions it as fact. That is, it doesn't really mean everytime the singer is being touched they would remember their childhood days.
    You wrapped around me with your gentle arms
    That reminds me of my childhood days

    The line above is similarly at fault since it does not specifically say that the arms were the one the singer feels back when they're young, like what the line is saying.
    So if you want a more literal way of saying it (along with your punctuation style):
    You wrapped around me with your gentle arms,
    The same touch I felt when I was little.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Default Re: Sampaguita - "Hold on", by Marlene (A line bugs me)

    I see what you mean, now that you say it: the line is indeed a fact. And I like a lot your "same touch" suggestion, I'll use it, and as always, will duly credit you when I'll upload the lyrics. Thanks a ton for your help!
    人の悲しみがわかる優しさと
    人の悲しみを救える勇気と
    人の悲しみに打ち勝つ力を
    『「ファイアーエムブレム:聖戦の系譜」のA-ランクエンディング』

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