xanikar's darkest light work in progress

[brantkin]

i don't if this should go in here or not but it seemed like the best place if its in the wrong place please move it mods. this is made by me and only me its not done yet. this is also the evil or demonic book. i will be making a book where he becomes an angle for people that would like him to become good.
characters
xanikar kitomashi gender male age ??? look like age 23 alignment demonic social life shy hobby video games and computers occupation unemployed high school drop out pets white tiger,black panther, fox,wolf, white with a golden tint lynx with wings apox 15inch long on both sides of the body it is also his guardian pet. sent down from the deepest depths of hell.
xukie matogumi gender female age 19 look like age 17 alignment angelic social life hikikomori also known as social withdraw in japanese hobby kendo running working out electronic hacker mma occupation guard at fort xion pets none favorite type of animal cats

xanikar. it was like any other day walking down the same streets and ally except. someone ran up to me before i had time to react next thing i knew i was laying in my own puddle of blood as i stare death into his eyes my only thoughts where is this how it ends? don't i get a chance to tell my family i love them. than i was in a daze of sorrow as my final words where i will get revenge you stupid son of a lady then it all went black as i heard one last gun shot. later i woke up and glazed at what i saw it was a giant gate i read what was on it chose your path darkness or light. if only i knew what it meant before i wouldn't have chosen darkness. then words a paired where it said darkness once before.
it said it will send me back down to earth to live once more. but in return i had to 35 people a month. so i could become a demon as soon as i got done reading i blacked out. when i woke up i was in the same spot as before in my same puddle of blood. i went back to my house changed my clothes when i looked into the mirror. i couldn't believe my eyes i started to panic and freak out i had cat like ear. my hair was white with a golden tint i had a tail and my eyes where white and golden cat like eyes. i had fangs and i could grow claws when ever i wanted but only two of my index and middle finger on each hand could do it. so i walked out side and i heard a gunshot i figure that must of been the bastard that killed me and made me into this thing.
hi ran as fast as i could i was so fast i could run on the sides of building it was awesome. when i got there sure enough it was the guy that shot and killed me. i shouted at him and said miss me? remember the guy you shot and killed. he turned around looked at me he trembled in fear as he seen my eyes darker then the night could ever be. i told him you get a fifty second head start he ran as fast as he could times up. i ran as fast as i could i caught up to him in three seconds i confronted him. and i said next time when you kill someone make sure you finish the job. he aimed his gun at me and shot i stood there and not even in a blink of an eye i dodged the bullets as if he was tossing me a football he dropped his pistol and took off of his back a smg.
and started shooting it at me i knew i couldn't dodge all the bullets and then all of a sudden i seen a red glow coming from my body i could see a reflection coming from a mud puddle i seen my eyes turn pure red. i started saying something without control it was. give up get on your knees make peace with yourself because god can't even save you may your soul burn in a lava forever. and when your dead just know your family and friends will not be at your funeral. no one will miss you your a disgrace to the whole human race your so pathetic you make me think cockroaches are the dominant species. and now i will hand you redemption by killing you so no one else will suffer the same fate i had. as i walked towards him he fell down on he knees as he freaked out and accepted his fate.i grew my claws out i put my hand on his head and with my other hand i stabbed him in the back of the neck.

so this is all i have so far its been a day i hope you guys leave a reply. and tell me what you guys think of it so far.

[vrarsenal]

Not to be rude or anything but it's too fast paced.
You can't keep up with what's going on.
Secondly there are a lot of punctuation errors.
And I mean a lotxD
Also some past tense errors. (first sentence of the second paragraph- I seen....)
"It's a good first try but look over what your writin' before postin'"