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Thread: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

  1. #26
    Senior Member brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    @blueangel06661 I just thought you should know that what she found was a love letter that I gave my gf on our 6 month anniversary. It was supposed to be something special between me and my gf, not something special between me her and her mom, which is exactly what my gf pointed out when yelling at hermom about what she did. Her mom still welcomes me in there house, but after a betrayal like that, I no longer feel comfortable in there.
    I have never been anything less than kind to her mom. I listen when she speaks to me and help her whenever she asks. It was not until she broke my trust that I started to dislike her. And I will stop referring to it as hatred because it really is just a dislike.
    Also, my gf's parents were divorced when she was young, and she was raised more by her father than her mother. Her father was, from what I know, a kind wonderful man who I would have loved to meet.
    I'm not sure why you think I'm such a bad kid around her parents. Whenever I have nothing nice to say, I say nothing at all. I try to always put a smile on my face and I avoid them if I can so I won't feel uncomfortable.
    Finally, the reason her mom likes me so much is because I have been the best friend her daughter has ever had. I have stayed by her through her losing her pets, I have taken care of her when she was ill with bronchitis, I have helped her study for all of her classes, I have been there when she needed to talk, I have never shown any sign of wavering in my feelings for her. Her mother was estatic when she found out we were dating. It is unfortunate that her mother betrayed my trust, because no matter what she does to try to make it up to her, my forgiveness cannot be bought and I doubt I will ever feel comfortable in that house again, and it'll be at least a year until I can ever give my gf love letters or poetry again.

  2. #27
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Sorry... But I do think it's not cool to bad talk the family of someone you claim to "love" in the internet...

    My apologies. I forgot we can't have opinions on this forum.

    But the guy is insulting his girls family so.. I think it's sorta fair. Guess it's just me.

    You're mad at her all because she read a silly love letter? Heck if it was me I would've shown my mom myself the letter. And what does divorce have to do with anything really?
    Last edited by Rainbow Crash; 07-13-2011 at 04:26 PM.


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  3. #28
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Quote Originally Posted by nathanromml View Post
    You mean.....the father of your gf pulled a gun at you?
    *nods* yes. Long story short she got a bruise at work and thought it would be funny to tell her father that I gave it to her in a fight and yeah. I got the hell out of there.
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  4. #29
    Senior Member brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Quote Originally Posted by blueangel06661 View Post
    Sorry... But I do think it's not cool to bad talk the family of someone you claim to "love" in the internet...

    My apologies. I forgot we can't have opinions on this forum.

    But the guy is insulting his girls family so.. I think it's sorta fair. Guess it's just me.

    You're mad at her all because she read a silly love letter? Heck if it was me I would've shown my mom myself the letter. And what does divorce have to do with anything really?
    well, when my gf made it perfectly clear to me that she didn't want her family finding out about our relationship because of how they treated her last boyfriend, there is one reason to be upset at her going through our things. Also, you said if I hate the people who raised her, I might as well hate her. Well, her mom wasn't the main person who raised her. That's what divorce has to do with it.
    Last edited by brolyx74; 07-13-2011 at 04:33 PM.

  5. #30
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family


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  7. #31
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    1. Sneaky relationships are not a good way to start... And meh.. My mom didn't raise me but she does now so it doesn't make a slight of difference. Just because you're older doesn't mean your parental child-raising is over. And you say her mom likes you so I don't really get what you're so upset about. If she likes you just like her back? I haven't seen anything stating that she did anything bad to you except read a silly love letter.....?
    Last edited by Rainbow Crash; 07-13-2011 at 04:38 PM.


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  8. #32
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    @Scruffy , eat with your mouth closed.
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  10. #33
    Senior Member brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Sorry, I just don't like when people go through others possessions without asking. You may think it was harmless, but that is a big breech in trust for me. everyone would react to it differently. My personal reaction is to dislike and distrust the person who committed the act.

    Oh, and I don't think I'm bad mouthing anybody that badly. I have only stated facts and my reaction to those facts.

    and don't listen to her scruffy. You can eat however you please.

  11. #34
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Yeah my mom went through my bank statements even when I didn't want her knowing how much I had in my bank.. But oh well.. Didn't take it to the internet.. Just brushed it off that now she knows how much money I have when she shouldn't no big deal.

    But you don't have to trust the mother.. the mother is the one trusting you with her daughter.. imo.


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  12. #35
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    I didn't like my ex-fiance's family. Well I liked his younger siblings but I didn't like how his mom was so controlling. So it does happen.

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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Blueangel... Opinions =/= Flaming. It IS possible to give an opinion without screeching like a banshee. Most of your posts are more flaming and less real points. The points you have can be valid and good, but they are lost in the "OMG YOU SUCK AND IF I WERE HER MOTHER I'D BAN YOU FOREVAR!!!!!11!!1!"

    Try using logical arguments that don't have direct attacks and you might get further with your points. Your going to extremes and attacking the forum because I pointed out that you use insults and flames to try to explain your argument is only reinforcing my original comments. No one is going to suddenly go "OMG You're right I'm a COMPLETE MORON, I see your point of view and totally agree!!!" Ever heard the saying you get more flies with honey? I only point out that you call everyone else immature, when you yourself exhibit immature behaviors... pot... kettle...


    As for the parent issue... really? she read a love letter and you are not going to give your girlfriend another one? You're going to let someone else ruin that for your girlfriend? really? wow...

    Who cares? In true teenage fashion you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. You are letting the world ruin your relationship, you are giving her mother control over your relationship. She was probably trying to figure out if her daughter, who is probably too young to be doing so, was having sex with you. Which is a valid concern any parent of a teenager should have. Once again, you are unable to look at anything objectively because you are in the situation.

    It seems to me rather than the mother, you are the one with the problem. If you weren't doing/saying anything inappropriate what does it matter who reads it? I'll post the last love letter from my husband, I'm proud of it. He loves me, I love him.... and I'll tell the world!!!! True love is not something to be hidden under a bush! Let it free, let it live. Obviously she has no problems with you two dating, but you're still holding this grudge. You should be more worried about if she trusts you than if you trust her. She's the one with something to lose, her daughter, her daughter's future, her daughters dreams, If you make a stupid decision. You are the one that needs to earn trust, its her responsibility to ensure her daughter is making good choices. Looks to me like she's being a good mother, and you're being a generic teenage boy.
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  15. #37
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Yoko, it seems to me like you're writing people off for really trivial things. Like with your father and now your in laws...

    Do you ever thing things like... "well maybe this person is a good person because they aren't a manipulative psycho." Consider that these are people you're going to have to tolerate to an extent. If you're so dismissive of people and don't try to look on the bright side, you're just making it harder for yourself.

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  17. #38
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Haha! Oh god, this thread made me remember something messed up, but hilarious. So I was at my ex-boyfriends house in California on a computer in his room, trying to buy and print out a ticket to go back to Minnesota on a bus, because he was letting me use it for that purpose and the library by where I lived was closed so I couldn't buy and print off a ticket there. Then his mom got home and came in his room, the first time me seeing her ever, and said to me, "Who are you? Why are you on my computer?" Then I said, "Oh, hi. I'm Alannah. I'm using your computer to buy and print off a ticket for me to go back home to where I live in Minnesota on a bus from around here." "Well you need to get off my computer, because I don't feel comfortable with a stranger using it." "Well your son and I are dating, and he said I could use it." "Well it's my computer. I paid for it. Get off it, or I'm going to call the police." The tickets printed out just when she said that, so then I snatched them and got the hell out of that house with my ex. I never went to his house ever again.

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  19. #39
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Seriously, if you really love your partner then you try to get along with their parents/your in-laws and the other way around, the parents should try to get along with their child's parent for the sake of their child if they really cared about them.
    Last edited by Kaitou+; 07-13-2011 at 05:31 PM.


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  20. #40
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Sorry, but the way I see it, someone going through your things without permission carries the same moral wrongness as stealing or lying. I know not everybody shares this view, but that's I do. It's like if someone takes something over yours (like say an ipod) while you are at their house, you would probably stop bring nice/expensive things to that persons house. Maybe I am acting immature in not trusting her mom, but that realization wouldn't make me trust her any more or less. I will admit that I might be overreacting, but however I am reacting, it is in a conscious manner of everything that occured. I am not holding anything against her for petty reasons. I try to stick to a moral code, and expect others to abide by similar ones, or at least be aware of my own. I have been friends with my gf for a year, so her mom knows me pretty well by this point. What I'm getting at is that while not everyone may empathize with my situation, they might be able to understand how one might feel betrayed if someone delibrately did something against one's wishes. Something that one might take particular offense to more than other actions of a calibur unrelated parties might find personally worse.

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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Take the advice in your own signature:

    'When I'm sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.'

    Stick with the relationship, I think true love wins out in the end, lest we all forget ROMEO AND JULIET, where both sides of the family hated not only the people, but the very families. I think persistence pays, the fact that she has apparently stayed with you this long irrespective of her own family's feelings is a good sign.

    And who knows, maybe later on in life you can look back on this and laugh.

    \/CLICK\/


  22. #42
    The Warrior of Insanity and Perplexing aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether has a reputation beyond repute aether's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Yh the in-laws you always tend to have one lot that you hate the most like my aunt she is just a spoilt person from her mom due to her being an only child god I hate her but soon shall never have to see her again as my uncle is splitting from her thankgoodness

  23. #43
    Senior Member brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Quote Originally Posted by Serated View Post
    Take the advice in your own signature:

    'When I'm sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.'

    Stick with the relationship, I think true love wins out in the end, lest we all forget ROMEO AND JULIET, where both sides of the family hated not only the people, but the very families. I think persistence pays, the fact that she has apparently stayed with you this long irrespective of her own family's feelings is a good sign.

    And who knows, maybe later on in life you can look back on this and laugh.
    No worries there. There's no way I could ever leave someone I love that much. I mean, we usually spend everyday at my place anyway, so being uncomfortable at her place doesn't make too much of a difference. And even if her parents did hate me and yelled at me every day and were just flat out mean to me, I still wouldn't leave her. She's not just my girlfriend. She's my best friend, and I wouldn't let anything come between us.

  24. #44
    NII-CHAN SOLOS! Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber has a reputation beyond repute Amber's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Oh god. Family drama's...

    We do have blogs for this kind of stuff, y'know?

    But me, as an adopted kid. :l I don't have family issues on my side, (My mom and dad are barely home and could care less for what I'm doing/who I'm dating. Pretty neat.) plus, I seem to get along with any of my boyfriend's parents just fine. I have a natural kindness towards strangers, and I guess they sense that and are kind to me as well.
    As for what Minako said about judging, she's quite right. Situations are different for everyone, and people see things through different perspectives. Why else would we need multiple political parties? Sadly, everyone can be a bit judgemental. Maybe you know you are judgemental, maybe you don't. But whatever you say, somewhere deep inside are always those little devils called prejustice and judgement. For example, do you like muslims just as much as fellow americans? Or gay people? People judge.
    Minako is also right about the whole "cool" thingy. Personally, I'm uncool. People know I am. I could care less though, because I have real friends and real fun. I know my friends will always be there for me, and they're not friends with me just because I'm "cool". Kindness is the keyword. Friendship and love are way better than coolness.

    And I'm kind of getting tired of typing. I know that what I say will only get through minds that think like mine. And that's not everyone. The rest will just plainly ignore my opinion and rant with their own opinion. And that's okay, the world would be pretty boring without ranting.

    But please, keep it civilized.

  25. #45
    Team Aki! -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Well, I suggest a better word choice instead of "hate". What about "dislike"?

    Is it normal to dislike your gf/bf's family...Okay, it isn't complicated to answer this question. It really depends on WHY you hate them. If I were you and happen to find out that my bf's family doesn't seems to like me, I would find out why and would ask for specific reasons. If his/her family doesn't like you because you misbehaved, then I would say that it is you that needs a little change. However, if you do find the reason to be making no sense at all, you can talk it over with them instead of jumping into conclusion. Just ask for specifics and make sure you do paraphrase to make sure you understand their reasoning.
    --------------------------
    In my case, I have been dating the same guy for 4 years, and I have been conflicting with his mom for 3 years. The reason why we are in such long-term conflict is because of our differences. His mom is Chinese-Chinese, and she would go around and tell people that she only makes friends with rich people. She loves to talk about money and how her country is starting to develop to becoming the richest country (ignorant). She thinks she is the most intelligent woman, and she doesn't like that I didn't like the way she behaves. One time we got into a fight just because I didn't greet with her WHILE I was having a conversation with someone else. She thinks she is the queen who deserves to be treated like a queen just because of how much cash she carries in her Chanel purse. She eventually feels embarrassed to have me sitting next to her because I don't carry expensive stuff. The worst thing she said that I can never accept hearing was how she was judging how Americans are not as rich as she is, which I found that to be strong prejudice. Because of all these problems, I found nothing wrong to dislike her. I told my boyfriend that I will turn against his mom, and I find no reason to respect her at all.


  26. #46
    Senior Member tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari has a reputation beyond repute tesaamari's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    yeah... to know lots of boys and girls having problems with his/her gf/bf's family, i can say that's the norm hihihi

  27. #47
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    Well, my mom absolutely abhors my dad's sister and was cornered by his family one day where they yelled at her and told her really mean stuff.
    And my aunt reaaallly hated my dad when they got married.

    But, they've been together for over 33 (I think) years and are still happy so I guess you'll survive.

    As for if it's normal or not . . . well, from what I've seen, yes.
    It's not necessarily healthy, but you'll be alright.

    Of course, if the person you're dating really loves their family and is extremely proud of them all then you might have a few issues and that is probably a very bad thing.
    But, if they don't like their family very much, either, then I guess you're alright.
    Last edited by Tsuki.; 07-18-2011 at 03:13 AM.


  28. #48
    Senior Member brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74 has a reputation beyond repute brolyx74's Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    hey @-akichan- , I decided to switch it to dislike a while back. I just don't know how to change the title of the thread.
    Last edited by brolyx74; 07-20-2011 at 07:47 AM.

  29. #49
    Team Aki! -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan- has a reputation beyond repute -akichan-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    hey @-akichan- , I decided to switch it to dislike a while back. I just don't know how to change the title of the thread.
    Oh the word choice is really up to you. I suggested the word "dislike" because his/her parents are still elders no matter how terrible they are, and that's the reason why I chose not to use the word "hate". You're a male, so I'll use "she" and "her" to help ya out. If you and your girlfriend will last, then her parents will become your parents-in-law, and you must keep that in mind. Of course, you don't have to live with your wifey under their control (that'd be pain in the butt!) but at least one reason that they must be respected is because they will be your parent-in-law.

    I don't like my boyfriend's mom either because she doesn't respect the people around me, my family, friends, and me. But, I will still greet her the way I suppose to. I just wouldn't go any further with her such as talking to her a lot about myself and such.
    -------------
    From my experience, changing the title of the thread was rarely possible. You could change the title of your first post, but the thread title won't change XD


    edit: Oh I wanted to add more (I know I talk too much! XD) My parents often fight over family thing. My mom doesn't like my dad's family because of how my dad's parents and sibling look at my mom, and my mom's family doesn't like my dad's side because they do not respect my mom. Sometimes family and family issues create the problems. Because of such family conflict, my parents often fight over why my mom hates his family and why my dad hates my mom's family. It's a cycle y'know.
    Last edited by -akichan-; 07-20-2011 at 01:50 PM.


  30. #50
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    Default Re: is it normal to hate your gf/bf's family

    No, it's not normal, since most people doesn't have so many problems with their loved ones families, but reading threw this thread I understand why you @YokoKuwabara felt that way. If my mother-in-law would've search threw my things without my permission I would've also becomed angry. It's not an acceptable behaviour to do those kind of things without permission. But I don't think I would've hated her for that, most certainly not. I would've more become angry / sulky and would've told her to never do those things again. Then if she wouldn't listen to me but continued... I am not sure how I would've feelt about it. I have never been in that situation yet (as far as I know it) so it's little hard to say how I would have felt in your shoes.


    Have it become any better?
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    Det, är mina drömmar vävda av

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