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Thread: what's the point?

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    Default what's the point?

    I was wondering, what's the point of pursuing a relationship with a person you have no intention of staying with? I hear people describe others as the type you date, but not marry. What's the point of dating them if you never plan on pursuing a greater relationship with them. I don't mean for the people who don't like marriage, but the people who don't plan on staying together with that person. Is it just to waste time? I feel like that time could be spent on better things.

    Then again, I'm more of a romantic than a bachelor, so I wouldn't see the point in a shallow relationship anyway, bt I am having a hard time understanding this concept. Anybody care to offer an opinion.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Probably to pass time.
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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    I was wondering, what's the point of pursuing a relationship with a person you have no intention of staying with?
    People are different. They date to get to know the person. How would they know that they would stay long with them? Unless they're the player type, its different. What you call them is a jerk if you ask me. I've dated a few people in my life, and it was just to get to know them. Nothing more, in my case I'm in a relationship and planning to stay with that person only.

    I hear people describe others as the type you date, but not marry.
    Its why you date, just to see if you'd see your life with the person and marry them. After all marriage is love and commitment, right? We date people and think we'd marry them, but as time passes, people will kind of think twice if they want to really marry them.

    What's the point of dating them if you never plan on pursuing a greater relationship with them.
    I can agree with you on that, but how can you start up a greater relationship without doing step one first which is dating them? Its a first way to get to know the person better and then you decide on the long run if the person you want to date is good for you.

    I don't mean for the people who don't like marriage, but the people who don't plan on staying together with that person.
    Everyone is different, so I can't really answer that and make it sound like I'm completely correct. But again like I've been telling you, I feel like they do that to see if the person they're getting to know is the one for them. You can't alway guarantee that the first try with a person you'll date is really the one.

    For an example, my mom dated once and she's just damn lucky to get the right guy. Some has to keep looking, which is not so bad unless you do it in malicious intent.


    Is it just to waste time? I feel like that time could be spent on better things.
    How is it a waste of time to find someone that will truly make you happy? And what things do you believe that can be spent better on? I don't think it'll hurt to get to know people.

    Then again, I'm more of a romantic than a bachelor, so I wouldn't see the point in a shallow relationship anyway, bt I am having a hard time understanding this concept. Anybody care to offer an opinion.
    Hehe well thats good that you want a real and steady relationship. And I don't see it as a shallow relationship, it all depends on a person and how its dealt. All I'm doing is saying how I interpret things that are being done and I see things very differently so I can weigh things out. There is pros and cons in stuff like that. I guess the bottom line is just be a good person, make good choice, appreciate and love. (:

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    It's not always a waste of time, maybe relationships are new to them, they may desire to be with someone for a while, and see how things go. Once they've experienced one thing, maybe they want something else, and that person isn't right for them.
    The only difference between marriage and a relationship is signing a piece of paper, entitling you to that person. It's also harder to get out of.
    And other people just want those no strings attached relationships. It's not that hard to get bored of someone.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    It's not really that they have no intentions to stay together. Seriously, 99.5% of the time, the first person you'll date is not the person you'll end up with.

    And pretty much what Seungie and Stickie said.


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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    I was wondering, what's the point of pursuing a relationship with a person you have no intention of staying with? I hear people describe others as the type you date, but not marry. What's the point of dating them if you never plan on pursuing a greater relationship with them. I don't mean for the people who don't like marriage, but the people who don't plan on staying together with that person. Is it just to waste time? I feel like that time could be spent on better things.

    Then again, I'm more of a romantic than a bachelor, so I wouldn't see the point in a shallow relationship anyway, bt I am having a hard time understanding this concept. Anybody care to offer an opinion.
    Because life is way to boring to be single and to be waiting for that "Special someone". Take me for an example.

    None of my relationships were never ment to last. Why?
    60% of the time the girl "Liked being passed around"
    35% it just never was ment to be
    5% we did it because it was for a dance tried to make it work and failed. lol

    You learn from your past mistakes, Being in alot of relationship's doesn't make you a bad person to date, It makes you a more experienced person. (Thats what i think anyways.) Besides im 20 and i puke at the thought of a Long term relationship at such a young age. Why?

    Because life is to short and your making it shorter, Committing to something like that, (So quickly)

    Also your not going to find the person your ment to marry if you dont go out and actually TRY
    And You really shouldn't have the mindset that I only want to date, if were getting married. Thats really creepy.
    Last edited by CryBabyWearingDiaper; 07-02-2011 at 12:14 PM.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Perhaps its simply to help them to gain knowledge of how different people work

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    It's like a person is a lock and they are going to find out which key will open them. They got many options but among those is only one.

    (Or several.. if that person is into polygamy).
    ....

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    The benefits.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Well, some people are very lonely and just need someone to be around, and someone around who is more than just a friend. Plus all the obvious said stuff of "the benefits" or just simply to get through a phase of life.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Well, I think everybody already got all the good answers, so I'll reply in a slightly different manner. I am just going to assume that person A is trying to date person B with a 100% intent to brake up in like a week or two. In this case, I don't think person A wants to date out of interest for person B. It's probably more about sex or some social thing (high school prom, for example, which I don't get at all). Or maybe person A just wants to experience something new for the heck of it. Like a perky person who dates similar people but is getting bored with that, so, even though they dislike your classic emo person, they will temporary date one for a change of pace. Perhaps person A is just depressed over a previous relationship and will temporarily date just about anybody to get there mind off of there failed love. Well, that's about all I can think of.
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    Default Re: what's the point?

    @bug that was more of something I was looking for. I understand trying to get to know someone and that stuff, but the whole "this person isn't my type, will never be my type, and I know a relationship would never last, but I'm gonna do it for a week then pick another one" thing. And as for the failed relationship one, I kind of understand that, but that is really selfish, selfish to your ex and slfish to any future serious partners...

    ...I know that from experience because my current gf has three ex's who I can't stand, not just because they are her ex's, but because they are bad people. One of them has no idea what the words dignity or modesty mean. One of them is the biggest underachiever and pot head you will ever meet. And one of them is really rude and a jerk to all women. (I may make sexist jokes and whatnot, but he actually believes all the stuff he says.) (I love group therapy XD)

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    I was wondering, what's the point of pursuing a relationship with a person you have no intention of staying with? I hear people describe others as the type you date, but not marry. What's the point of dating them if you never plan on pursuing a greater relationship with them.
    Things happen. I'm dating my BF love him a lot but it's weird and awkward when the topic of marriage comes up. It's called being realistic if you think you probably won't marry. I probably won't make that hurdle in life to marry my BF since a lot of first time relationships don't last. I know that so I'm not expecting it to blindly and getting destroyed emotionally later if something happens.

    It's just playing it safe.


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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by blueangel06661 View Post
    Things happen. I'm dating my BF love him a lot but it's weird and awkward when the topic of marriage comes up. It's called being realistic if you think you probably won't marry. I probably won't make that hurdle in life to marry my BF since a lot of first time relationships don't last. I know that so I'm not expecting it to blindly and getting destroyed emotionally later if something happens.

    It's just playing it safe.
    I don't mean realistically and statistically they wouldn't last, but that the two are incompatible from the start and know this, and that is why they would never last.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara View Post
    I don't mean realistically and statistically they wouldn't last, but that the two are incompatible from the start and know this, and that is why they would never last.
    What does that even mean, realistically and statistically won't last? It's bull crap. There are no "realistically and statistically will last" relationships. It's a total failure to understand how probability works.

    Obviously when someone is dating a person they're not really interested in, it is done out of selfishness. The two main causes for this is that they're too cowardly to be straight with the person and dump them, or they're afraid of being alone and are waiting for a chance to trade up before the break it off. It's not that uncommon of an activity, but it is cruel because it's deceptive.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    humans are polygamous, as are most animals. Dating is just a natural variance of that fact.

    in fact, very, very few animals will ever actually 'mate for life'.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ericgamer1 View Post
    humans are polygamous, as are most animals. Dating is just a natural variance of that fact.

    in fact, very, very few animals will ever actually 'mate for life'.
    This is a total abuse of the language. Are you talking about sex itself, or exclusive relationships? You're talking about former when the thread is about the latter (i.e. the comment is irrelevant). Plenty of people like monogamous relationships, and they get jealous and feel betrayed when the person they like is cheating on them. That is just as natural as is a craving for variation in sex partners. If someone gets mugged, are you going to say "humans are naturally aggressive" or "humans are naturally without property rights" (well, this one coming from you might not be too surprising)?

    When one person is committed to a relationship and another is looking to trade up, it's somewhat of a fraudulent deal.

  23. #18
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    Default Re: what's the point?

    you took my post a little out of context.

    Yoko was inquiring WHY people date more than just the one person, and I was showing that it's a natural tendency of humans to seek out multiple partners over the course of his/her life. Sex and dating are not synonymous on a social level, but biologically speaking, they are indistinguishable.

    also, when I say "polygamous", I'm referring to the overall, not dating multiple people at the same time. To truly be monogamous means that the person you first engage is the one that you stay with for the rest of your life, which very few animals on earth are wired like that.
    Last edited by Ericgamer1; 07-03-2011 at 01:12 PM.

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  25. #19
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    Default Re: what's the point?

    It's not really about dating more than one person, but about continuing to date someone you're not really interested in. In that case, a desire to have multiple partners would be a reason to break off, rather than to stay, with someone who wants a monogamous relationship. It doesn't really answer the question.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    i kinda feel that people that just date just for the hell of it are selfish and/or immature .



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    Default Re: what's the point?

    I can only think of a few reasons for that:

    -To have somebody to regularly sleep with. (safer than sleeping around with random people)
    -An addition for the collection. Players are players.
    -Peer pressure (It happens)
    -"He/She likes me, He's/she's hot. I should date her and let the whole world know that I'm dating a hottie."
    -"He/She always gives me what I want, I'll keep him/her for a while."
    -Companionship

    Live Fast. Die Young. Be Wild. Have fun.
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  30. #22
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    Dating to marry?

    Once upon a time a prince proposed to a beautiful princess, and she said no, and the prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and drank milk straight from the carton and dated girls half his age and partied all the time and never had his favorite jeans stolen and never was cheated on while working and drank beer and jack daniel's and samuel adams and all his friends and family thought he was freaking cool and he had tons of money and he left the toilet seat up. The end.
    Last edited by Cantelope; 07-04-2011 at 11:56 AM.

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    Default Re: what's the point?

    First, you can't really know what people are fit to date or fit to marry without dating them (Even if they claim one way is the case). By dating, I simply mean that you must be intimately involved with them (Not necessarily sex, intimate as in the personal zone can be sufficient). Some people like dating but never want to settle down, so they continually date. It doesn't mean they won't settle down, it simply means they don't intend to at that moment. I guess others like to assume people are one way or another. Conversely, people date only to find someone they can settle down with. Dating brings experience. It lets you know what you'll tolerate and what you won't, what you like in a person and what you don't like, etc.

    On a side note, however, I will admit that dating does seem to be a socially conditioned behavior and that you can learn intimate details about someone without dating them. As a consequence of this, though, some people will not open up unless the dating qualification has been met.


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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by YokoKuwabara
    but that the two are incompatible from the start and know this, and that is why they would never last.
    Well most people actually have no idea that they are incompatible. Even through numerous break-ups some people still believe they were ment to be [I've seen it happen one too many times] It seems to me you're talking about the childish sort of love. The type where you're like "hey lets go out" and so you hug/kiss go on dates to the movie or something and hang out but you don't "truely" love them. Those are what I call experimental dates. Where you learn things. In your younger years you are not really level headed and mature to typically keep an honest and true long term relationship.


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    Default Re: what's the point?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kittyinpink View Post
    i kinda feel that people that just date just for the hell of it are selfish and/or immature .
    Perhaps those people are selfish and immature to begin with if they will do that.

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