SYNC.ART'S - The Pacifier -楽園の調停者-

[Aku no Hikari]

This time my problems are mostly with English vocabulary. If anything isn't right, please inform this poor soul. (Romaji here.)


「夢ならよかった」と
悔やんだ言葉を
夢へと返して

"It's alright as long as it was a dream..."
these words I mourned,
send them back to the dream

哀しみ、楽園を染めれば
憂いの溜息を吐く

When paradise is dyed with sorrow,
you'd be uttering sighs of grief

吹き荒れる災いが
神の仕業でも
思惑を断ち切れるなら

Devastating calamities
are acts of God
But if they will break my hopes,

Couldn't find more suitable words to translate this one...

この幻想（ゆめ）を
必ず守ってみせるから
独りで舞い上がる大空へ

I'll show you
that I'll definitely keep holding my dream
And I'll soar high up in the sky by myself

突き刺す激しさが
余りに大きくても
恐れない
信じるこの力があれば

Even if the impulse of the thrust
is going to be vast,
I won't fear it
as long as I have this power to believe

誰もが重ならぬ
欲望持つなら
均衡は保ち

If everyone held
non-cumulative desires,
equilibrium would be preserved

Ugh... this is a rather technical way to put it. Any help to make it more poetic? >_<

それこそあり得ない
理想か
虚しく独り笑って

Is that particularly
an impossible ideal?
I lamented this alone in vain

もたらされた力に
踊らされる者
哀しみを繰り返すなら

If the one being manipulated
by the power brought upon him
will repeat the same sadness,

I'm not sure about this preposition...

Also, I don't quite understand why it's in the passive voice. Shouldn't it be "the power he brought himself"? ... or something to show that kind of irony?

その幻想（ゆめ）を
必ず殺してみせるから
独りで飛び立てる暗闇へ

I'll show you
that I'll definitely kill that dream
And I'll leap into the darkness by myself

揺らめく幻惑に
心がほだされても
振り切れる
想いの強さだけがあれば

Even if my heart is captivated
by the wavering glamor,
I can shake it off
if I only have the strength of my will

思いがけぬ因果に
裂かれた絆も
運命を動かせるなら

If our bonds which were torn apart
by the unpredictable karma
can change our fate,

Just to be sure, 思いがく is 思い描（えが）く... right? It's a kinda strange (pragmatic?) contraction.

その幻想（ゆめ）を
必ず届けてみせるから
独りで立ち向かう絶望に

I'll show you
that I'll definitely conduct this dream
And I'll face despair by myself

傷付く対価には
何も望まないだろう
今までと変わらぬ
この世界があれば

As for the compensation for my wounds,
I do not ask for anything
as long as this world
remains the way it's always been


Thanks! (:

[animeyay]

Of course, I'm more than happy to help poor souls lol j/k


>哀しみ、楽園を染めれば
>憂いの溜息を吐く
>When paradise is dyed with sorrow,
>you'd be uttering sighs of grief

Is there any reason why this is the only stanza in 2nd person, while everything else is in 1st? Actually, I think this stanza is connected to the previous, and you get a looooong single sentence, with 返して and 吐く sharing the same subject, "I".


>思惑を断ち切れるなら
>But if they will break my hopes,

Even if the devastating calamities
are the acts of God,
if I can break free from this way of thinking,


>誰もが重ならぬ
>欲望持つなら
>均衡は保ち
> If everyone held
>non-cumulative desires,
>equilibrium would be preserved

If everyone held
desires that do not conflict with others',
equilibrium would be preserved

重なる/重ねる is one of the words that consistently cause problems to translators because they can mean so many things. At least you didn't leave it as "pile up" lol, which is guaranteed to make me go crazy. >.>


>虚しく独り笑って
>I lamented this alone in vain

笑って = smile/laugh... or I guess a "bitter smile" would be appropriate in this context, but definitely not "lament".


>もたらされた力に
>踊らされる者
>哀しみを繰り返すなら
>If the one being manipulated
>by the power brought upon him
>will repeat the same sadness,

If the one being manipulated
by the power bestowed upon him
will repeat the same sadness,

(It's passive because it's power given to him by some outside source.)


>Just to be sure, 思いがく is 思い描（えが）く... right? It's a kinda strange (pragmatic?) contraction.

思いがける = 思い + 掛ける = to cast thoughts over = to predict


>必ず届けてみせるから
>that I'll definitely conduct this dream

Not sure if "conduct" is a good word here. It doesn't really mean the same thing as 届ける, "to deliver, to convey, to make heard", but definitely not "conduct".


Overall, bravo! You're becoming more and more like a connoisseur now =D