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Thread: Just an excerpt of my fantasy novel

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    Member eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk is a splendid one to behold eternal_elk's Avatar
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    Default Just an excerpt of my fantasy novel

    I'll be trapped beyond eternity in this labyrinth of conflicting emotions. My heart reaches out to remain here with my lady love 'till my breath comes no more and I shall return to the ashes beside her petrified remains yet my duty calls me elsewhere, beyond all horizons to achieve the impossible.

    Fhauste dug his sword unto the ground and sat amidst the cathedral ruins as he gazed at the desolation of war. Nothing survived. No one survived. Between the blinks of dawn and dusk an entire civilization was blown to dust by the whims of a madman. And I failed to save them. I did not stop the world from ending; I merely survived it.

    He survived to the end yet to what folly? She was now a stone corpse, perhaps cursed to stand as an eternal statue to mock him of his newborn solitude.

    -----

    Hmm.. I dunno what to make of it. It's part of the book I'm writing at the moment, but I dunno if it's okay or not. Please comment.

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    Default Re: Just an excerpt of my fantasy novel

    Sounds interesting. I'd probably need to see a little more before I could provide an informed opinion, but in terms of recommendations, I'd probably look for something else besides "the desolation of war." That's a very general description when you could go into detail about the cathedral ruins and discuss how this war desolated them. Maybe describe the rubble or the shattered stained glass. Or maybe talk about the razed fields Fhauste might be able to see off in the distance through the holes in the cathedral walls. There's a lot you can do to build a unique location, and it will help to set the seen a lot more vividly. I hope I'm not being too critical, but that's my suggestion (even though it's probably fueled by the fact that details are one of my pet peeves, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt).
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