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Thread: Need Help with Translation

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    Default Need Help with Translation

    I'm new here (first post!) and need your help to recover from a major blunder. I'm an art student, and I was working on a painting last night and accidentally knocked my palette onto a clean, freshly-stretched canvas. I managed to clean up most of the paint, but it had stained the canvas with a big blood-red blot in the center. Since this is a custom canvas and not one of the $5 onces you can buy at the craft store, I don't want to waste it. Looking at the "blood" stain, I came up with an idea. I want to paint a peony in one corner and have Japanese script running down the other side. To contrast the delicate, silky petals of the peony and reference the red blot, I was thinking of writing "The blood is falling like rain. Everything is stained red." in Japanese. I'm only really beginning to learn Japanese, and since my school doesn't take language credits, I have to teach myself. So, using a dictionary and my VERY basic knowledge, here's what I've come up with:
    雨のよう血に降っている。すべてが赤い染まった。

    Is this correct? I plugged it into a bunch of online translators (not very reliable, I know) and they all came back with more or less what I wanted, but I want some human opinions too, since this piece will be on display to the public as part of my final review.

    Any help is much appreciated. (Sorry for the long post - 3 coffees do that me.)

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    Gil
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    Default Re: Need Help with Translation

    I'd put the subject in front and use some vocab:
    血が 雨のように降りそそぐ 
    すべてが 赤く染まっていく
    Hope you don't mind the tense changes.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Default Re: Need Help with Translation

    Thanks for the advice. I don't mind the tense changes; what's most important to me is to convey the idea. (Oh, and I made a few mistakes in the sentence I posted. It was supposed to read 雨のように血が降るている。すべてが赤く染まった。)

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