Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear
of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for
not forwarding out 50 billion frelling chain letters sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that
poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will
be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck
parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly
believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send
"his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every
Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So
basically, this message is a big frell YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain
mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the
chain, which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this
country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to
the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. frell them. If you're
going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will
somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about
90 times. I don't frelling care. Show a little intelligence and think
about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FIVE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish!
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds,
you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of
manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely
no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load
of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next
47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - If you accidentally send this to 4
or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this
is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only
did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13-year-old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went
to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of grozit,
and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
hat full of grozit,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...
no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
Chain letter type 5
Dear hotmail user
Due to the fact that Microsoft only makes 6 million frelling dollars
a day, we are forced to send you this very low tech, poorly written,
e-mail, to let you know that we need to find out who is using there account.
This will confirm to us that you are a total frelling idiot for believing an
e-mail that was, most probably, written by a spotty grozit head with no life. If
you do not forward this to at least 100 people you will have your account instantly deleted and the Microsoft secret police will come to your
house, destroy your computer, and murder your entire family as well as
systematical raping you in your donkey hole. WARNING WARNING Microsoft
needs to find out who the most gullible frellwits in the world are.
(i signed and wrote this e-mail myself because, contrary to popular
belief, i don't have an entire frelling company that goes by the name
Microsoft working for me. therefore i must waist my own time writing
pointless, frelling e-mails )
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it contains hilarious pictures of people hurting themselves,
animals doing unnatural things, funny cartoons, jokes, or anything else that
is funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if
you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
underwear missing tomorrow morning.