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Thread: I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena's Avatar
    Gil
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    Cool I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

    Um... Here goes nothing?

    I want your eyes to see only me,
    I want to have you for myself
    because I don't like sharing,
    When I have you in the palm of my hands
    I'll strike like a tigress and make you mine.

    You see, I don't like the way
    you talk about 'her' when I'm around,
    She's your girl but here I've been,
    by your side, pledging my love eternal,
    But to me, you pay no mind!

    Someday I want to be able to say:
    "I have two words for you,
    I love you.
    That's two words because You and I count as one, you see."

    Now how much longer can I wait for you?
    My patience is running on end these days,
    It's now either make your move and leave your mark,
    Or you can stay a part of my past, in the shadows and the dark.
    Last edited by Keena; 01-22-2011 at 04:41 PM.

    ||Uta's MellBell||Xanfiore's Imouto||Ryuu's Little Sister||


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    Gil
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    Default Re: I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

    Wow I can feel the attitude in this poem. I know exactly what you mean by it. Favorite word: tigress

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  3. #3
    Senior Member Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

    it's a free style poem that is like a lyrics
    the strong desire of having an immediate in a confession is well depicted ^^

    hmm, the only thing i can think of that might be a good advise is
    put a little rhyming and uniform stanza
    Last edited by Senjou_Akira; 02-22-2011 at 06:17 AM.


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  4. #4
    Senior Member Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume has a reputation beyond repute Suzume's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

    It really comes from ur heart. I love it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: I'd like an honest review on this poem please!

    Thanks and I've got a lot of poetry with rhyme schemes but I love free verse

    ||Uta's MellBell||Xanfiore's Imouto||Ryuu's Little Sister||


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