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Thread: In Thought

  1. #1
    Senior Member Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena's Avatar
    Gil
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    Unhappy In Thought

    Ok, so this is something I wrote some time back and I just want a little feedback on it. I know I'm amateur but you can give some advice! Thanks!

    I look back even though I think I shouldn't,
    I smile a while, then I keep on running,
    Towards what, I don't know.
    I can't exactly see where I'm going,
    But then this emotion just explodes from my heart,
    And I don't know what's going to happen,
    I just try to see through the fog.
    I laugh though I don't really intend to,
    Something pulls me to the end,
    I stare blankly ahead and wonder what I'm going to find beyond,
    Maybe this is just another dream!
    I sigh and wake from lying in the rain,
    Still, that emotion stirs in me,
    I don't know if I will comprehend it, maybe I will,
    But for now, I just want to lie in the rain and fade with the world.
    I want to forget, nothing can anchor me now,
    Eyes closed, I wander again,
    Into the darkness I go,
    It's back down to earth for me,
    But only for a while.
    Will you join me?

    ||Uta's MellBell||Xanfiore's Imouto||Ryuu's Little Sister||


  2. #2
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    Gil
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    Default Re: In Thought

    Doesn't seem that amateur. The actions are well detailed, which I love. Is it hell you are referring to in the end?

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  3. #3
    Senior Member Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena has a reputation beyond repute Keena's Avatar
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    Default Re: In Thought

    Actually, no! Hell had no significance for me in this poem. To be honest, I woke from a dream and wrote this description of it! o.0

    ||Uta's MellBell||Xanfiore's Imouto||Ryuu's Little Sister||


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    Senior Member すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ has a reputation beyond repute すずめ's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: In Thought

    I love it. I love your poems.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: In Thought

    look, you may be new to this kind of thing but it doesn't mean you're not good at it. i like your free style works you know


    Illusionists


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