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Thread: liztora - Heart Of Glass

  1. #1
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    Default liztora - Heart Of Glass

    Hi. This is one of the easier songs, but I have a couple questions, and I need feedback on my translation style.


    あなたは誰なのだろう こんなに揺れているの
    アタシは何故 眠れないのか教えて

    anata wa dare nano darou konna ni yurete iru no
    atashi wa naze nemurenai no ka oshiete

    I wonder who you are, as I'm trembling like this
    Why can't I fall asleep? Tell me


    あなただけこんなに強く傍にいてほしいと
    つまづき 痛みを感じて初めて気付いた

    anata dake konna ni tsuyoku soba ni ite hoshii to
    tsumadzuki itami o kanjite hajimete kidzuita

    When I wanted to be near you this much,
    I realized I can't for the first time when I felt the pain


    氷もいつかは溶けていく
    そんな風にアタシもいれたら
    こんな悩み事 どこかへと
    吹き込んでゆくよ 追いかけてゆくよ 何度も

    koori mo itsuka wa tokete iku
    sonna fuu ni atashi mo iretara
    konna nayamigoto dokoka e to
    fukikonde yuku yo oikakete yuku yo nandomo

    Even ice will melt away someday
    If I could be there this way too
    This anxiety... How far is it going to
    be haunting and chasing me over and over?

    I'm sure I did something wrong here. It's not even remotely a question (even when you listen to the song), but it didn't make sense any other way... or at least I couldn't word it in a way that makes sense in English other than this.


    繰り返して いつの日にか 冷たい体抱いて
    あなただけに ほら、みせてあげる
    ガラスのようなココロを

    kurikaeshite itsu no hi ni ka tsumetai karada daite
    anata dake ni hora, misete ageru
    garasu no youna kokoro o

    Embrace my cold body again someday,
    Only to you, look, I'll show you
    my glass-like heart

    I think the て form is meant to be taken as a state. (i.e., "As you embrace my cold body again someday")


    あなたには言えないけれど こんなに震えてるの
    流れて雲の行方みたいだよな 見えない

    anata ni wa ienai keredo konna ni furuete'ru no
    nagarete kumo no yukue mitai da yo na mienai

    Though I can't say it to you, as I'm shivering like this,
    It's like the course of the clouds... I can't see where we're flowing


    氷もいつかは溶けてゆく
    そんな風にアタシは思うの
    花びらみたくキレイなまま
    この空に チルノ? この涙 チルノ? 教えて

    koori mo itsuka wa tokete yuku
    sonna fuu ni atashi wa omou no
    hanabira mitaku kireina mama
    sono sora ni chiru no? kono namida chiru no? oshiete

    I think that this way,
    Ice will also melt away someday
    I want to see petals in their beauty,
    Will they fall to the sky? Will those tears fall? Tell me


    欲しいけれど いつかの間にか 遠く離れていく
    あなただけは そばにいるなんて 不器用だけど思ってた
    ふわり ふわり 落ちていく 花びらみたいね…

    hoshii keredo itsuka no ma ni ka tooku hanarete iku
    anata dake wa soba ni iru nante bukiyou dakedo omotte'ta
    fuwari fuwari ochite iku hanabira mitai ne...

    I want you, but before I knew it we were far away from each other
    I was awkward being near you
    We're like flowers softly falling down, aren't we...


    それでも 季節は過ぎ もう一度会えたなら
    あなただけになら 伝えられる
    ガラスのようなココロを

    soredemo kisetsu wa sugi mou ichido aeta nara
    anata dake ni nara tsutaerareru
    garasu no you na kokoro o

    But still, this season will be over, if I could see you again
    If it's you, I will be able to tell you about
    my grass-like heart


    いますぐ 会いにいくわ 冷たい体抱いて
    あなただけに ほら、見せてあげる 白い雪に舞う花を
    ふわり ふわり のぼってく 風花を抱いてる

    imasugu ai ni iku wa. tsumetai karada daite
    anata dake ni hora, misete ageru shiroi yuki ni mau hana o
    fuwari fuwari nobotte'ku kaze hana o daite'ru

    I'll come to see you now. Embrace my cold body
    Only to you, look, I'll show you flowers dancing in the white snow
    Softly, softly ascending and embracing the flowers in the wind


    By the way, Liz Tora make beautiful songs. And lily-an's vocals are the best.

    Anyway, thanks in advance.
    Last edited by Aku no Hikari; 12-17-2010 at 12:11 PM.
     

  2. #2
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    Default Re: liztora - Heart Of Glass

    あなただけこんなに強く傍にいてほしいと
    つまづき 痛みを感じて初めて気付いた

    I actually have a different take on these two lines:
    Having stumbled and felt the pain, I became aware for the first time
    just how much I wish for you and only you to be by my side.



    氷もいつかは溶けていく
    そんな風にアタシもいれたら
    こんな悩み事 どこかへと
    吹き込んでゆくよ 追いかけてゆくよ 何度も

    Even ice will someday melt away,
    so if I can also stay that way (thawed/defrosted),
    all my worries will fly away to some place out there,
    while I will chase after them, again and again.
    Tough stanza here, mainly because it's tricky to figure out the correct subject for each verb,. The imagery I get here is: The ice around "me" melts away, and as "I" become freed, my worries/concerns blast away somewhere like the wind, and "I" now have to run after the worries and hunt them down, again and again.



    繰り返して いつの日にか 冷たい体抱いて

    I actually think kurihaeshite is connected to the nando mo from the previous stanza, so you now have:
    追いかけてゆくよ 何度も繰り返して
    いつの日にか 冷たい体抱いて
    If my assumption is acceptable, then it's okay to leave kurihaeshite untranslated, since the "again and again" from the previous stanza already covers it.



    氷もいつかは溶けてゆく
    そんな風にアタシは思うの
    花びらみたくキレイなまま
    この空に チルノ? この涙 チルノ? 教えて

    That even ice will someday melt away,
    is exactly what I think.
    Am I going to scatter into the sky just like some pretty flower petals?
    Am I to shed tears over this? Please tell me.
    みたくhere is not from the verb 見る, but rather a colloquial and grammatically incorrect form of みたいに. Basically みたい being treated as a true adjective (形容詞) rather than a nominal adjectival (形容動詞) suffix. It's used here probably due to space constraint, since みたく has one less syllable than みたいに.



    あなただけは そばにいるなんて 不器用だけど思ってた

    Odd sentence at first glance, but what "I" had thought probably wasn't "my" clumsiness, since then you would need a と or って after the 不器用だけど. The quotation, and thus the object of 思ってた, is all that before the なんて... If you rearrange the word order, it might make more sense:
    不器用だけど あなただけはそばにいるなんて 思ってた
    I was naive to have thought that you at least would remain by my side.



    ふわり ふわり のぼってく 風花を抱いてる

    The reading of 風花 should be kazahana.
    Last edited by animeyay; 12-17-2010 at 03:40 PM.

  3. #3
    みんなで歌おうよ!
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    Default Re: liztora - Heart Of Glass

    Thank you very much! ^^

    I admit I hate to rearrange lines or phrases among lines, and I try to avoid it. But I guess this is something I have to get over to improve my style.

    And I still have to work on my wording a lot...

    But yeah. Thanks again!
     

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