Jerry Springer - Weird Al Yankovic
Jerry Springer
(Take precautions before reading; take a joke)
To the tune of 'One Week' by the Barenaked Ladies.
It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Holy cow, d'you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here come's Jerry's next guest
And it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like "When Animals Attack"
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame
On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts
It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter fued
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer
[Guy Guest :] Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
[Gal Guest :] Oh? Well, which one?
[Guy Guest :] All of them
[Gal Guest :] Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake!
[Guy Guest :] Yah? Well, well me too!
[Gal Guest :] Oh!
[Guy Guest :] And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie!
(barking)
[Gal Guest :] Woofie, you b*tch!
Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
(baaahhing)
[Guy Guest :] That goat doesn't love you!
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication
It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday
If you've seen the show, well then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's BOOM
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one
It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some loser's wife said she's still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger
"The Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden, 1982
"Woe to you, O Earth and Sea,
for the Devil sends the Beast with wrath,
because he knows the time is short...
Let him who hath understanding reckon
the Number of the Beast for it is a human number...
It's number is Six Hundred and Sixty Six."
I left alone, my mind was blank.
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind.
What did I see, can I believe,
That what I saw that night was real
and not just fantasy.
Just what I saw, in my old dreams,
Were they reflections of my warped mind
staring back at me.
'Cause in my dreams, it's always there,
The evil face that twists my mind and brings
me to despair.
Yeah!!!
The night was black, was no use holding back,
'Cause I just had to see, was someone
watching me.
In the mist, dark figures move and twist,
Was all this for real, or just some kind of hell.
666 the Number of the Beast.
Hell and fire was spawned to be released.
Torches blazed and sacred chants were phrased,
As they start to cry, hands held to the sky.
In the night, the fires burning bright,
The ritual has begun, Satan's work is done.
666 the number of the beast.
Sacrifice is going on tonight.
This can't go on, I must inform the law.
Can this still be real or just some crazy dream.
But I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes,
They seem to mesmerize...can't avoid their eyes,
666 the Number of the Beast.
666 the one for you and me.
I'm coming back, I will return,
And I'll possess your body and I'll make you burn.
I have the fire, I have the force.
I have the power to make my evil take it's course.
"The Pretender" by Foo Fighters, 2007
Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
Keep you in the dark
And so it all began
Send in your skeletons
Sing as their bones go marching in again
Beneath you buried deep
The secrets that you keep are ever ready
Are you ready?
I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
That whole defense
Spinning infinity, boy
The wheel is spinning me
It's never-ending, never-ending
Same old story
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I’ll never surrender?
In time or so I’m told
I'm just another soul for sale... oh, well
The page is out of print
We are not permanent
We're temporary, temporary
Same old story
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I’ll never surrender?
I'm the voice inside your head
You refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face
Mirroring your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right
I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that’ll take you down
And bring you to your knees
So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I’ll never surrender?
What if I say I'm not like the others?
(Keep you in the dark)
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
(You know they all)
You're the pretender
(Pretend)
What if I say I will never surrender?
What if I say I'm not like the others?
(Keep you in the dark)
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
(You know they all)
You're the pretender
(Pretend)
What if I say I will never surrender?
So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
"Mississippi Queen" as made famous by Mountain, 1970
Mississippi Queen, If you know what I mean
Mississippi Queen, She taught me everything
Way down around Vicksburg, Around Louisiana way
Lived a cajun lady, we called her Mississippi Queen
You know she was a dancer
She moved better on wine
While the rest of them dudes were'a gettin' their kicks,
Buddy, beg your pardon, I was getting mine!
Mississippi Queen, If you know what I mean
Mississippi Queen, She taught me everything
This lady she asked me, If I would be her maaan
You know that I told her, I'd do what I can
To keep her looking pretty
Buy her dresses that shine
While the rest of them dudes were making their bread
Buddy, beg your pardon, I was losing mine!
You know she was a dancer
She mooved better on wine
While the rest of them dudes were'a gettin' their kicks,
Brotha, beg your pardon, now I'm getting mine!
Yeeeaaaaah, Mississippi Queen!
"Knights of Cydonia" by Muse, 2006
Come ride with me
Through the veins of history
I'll show you a god
Who falls asleep on the job
And how can we win
When fools can be kings
Don't waste your time
Or time will waste you
No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive
No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive
No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive
"Striken" by Disturbed, 2005
You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run...
You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know how your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run...
Into the abyss will I run...
You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run...
Into the abyss will I run...
I can't let you go!
Yes I am stricken and can't let you go!
Tobira no Mukou e - Yellow Generation
Tobira no Mukou e
Fullmetal Alchemist first season ending
Bokura wa ima demo sakenderu
Tashikameru you ni Nigirishimeta migite
Uzattai housoku wo Buchikowashiteike
Kizutsuita ashi wo Yasumaseru gurai nara
Tatta ippo demo Koko kara susume
Yuganda kaze wo kakiwakete
Tsumetai sora wo oikoshite
Soredemo mada samayoi-tsuzuketeru
Bokura wa itsudemo sakenderu
Shinji-tsuzukeru dake ga kotae ja nai
Yowasa mo kizu mo sarakedashite
Mogaki-tsuzukenakereba hajimaranai
Tsukiyabure tobira no mukou e
Yayakoshii mondai de Karamiatta shakai
Jirettai genjitsu wo Keritobashiteike
Hibou ya chuushou ni fusagikomu gurai nara
Dasan mo yokubou mo Buchimaketeike
Midareta NOISE Kakikeshite
Shiraketa shisen Furihodoite
Koko kara tsuzuku Tsugi no STAGE e
Bokura wa itsudemo sagashiteru
Kasoku shita SPEED wa kaerarenai
Tsuyosa to kakugo tsunagitomete
Hashiri-tsuzukenakereba mirai wa nai
Tsukisusume tobira no mukou e
Kazashita PRIDE ga machigai da to shite mo
Egaiteta risou ga kuzurekakete mo
Koko ni aru subete ni uso wo tsukareta to shite mo
Kitto koko ni iru
Bokura wa ima demo sakenderu
Shinji-tsuzukeru dake ga kotae ja nai
Yowasa mo kizu mo sarakedashite
Mogaki-tsuzukenakereba hajimaranai
Tsukiyabure tobira no mukou e
Bokura wa ima demo sagashiteru
Kasoku shita SPEED wa kaerarenai
Tsuyosa to kakugo tsunagitomete
Hashiri-tsuzukenakereba mirai wa nai
Tsukisusume tobira no mukou e
"Prayer of the Refugee" by Rise Against, 2006
Warm yourself by the fire, son,
And the morning will come soon.
I’ll tell you stories of a better time,
In a place that we once knew.
Before we packed our bags
And left all this behind us in the dust,
We had a place that we could call home,
And a life no one could touch.
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
Down!
We are the angry and the desperate,
The hungry, and the cold,
We are the ones who kept quiet,
And always did what we were told.
But we’ve been sweating while you slept so calm,
In the safety of your home.
We’ve been pulling out the nails that hold up
Everything you’ve known.
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
So open your eyes child,
Let’s be on our way.
Broken windows and ashes
Are guiding the way.
Keep quiet no longer,
We’ll sing through the day,
Of the lives that we’ve lost,
And the lives we’ve reclaimed.
Go!
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
Don’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I don’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!
Don’t hold me up…
(I don’t need your help, I’ll stand my ground)
Don’t hold me up…
(I don’t need your help)
No! No! No!
Don’t hold me up!
(I don’t need your help, I’ll stand my ground)
Don’t hold me up!
(I don’t need your help, I’ll stand my ground)
Don’t let me down, down, down, down, down!