The real me
Has lost in quality
So I thought I improve the quantity
And so I lost the real me
And now I disappeared in vain
Sometimes I appear in the rain
Sometimes I find my way back
But it's the power that I lack
I am trapped in a mask
I can't fulfill my task
I can't escape from this fate
It's already to late
The real me can't be shown
That's why he always feels alone
There's nothing that can be changed
Nothing that can be arranged
I need power
I need to grow strong like a flower
But I need water and light from the sun
But mostly I am on the run
Oh person who provides the sun
You should go on the run
And go straight for me
To set me free
well...I'm back, haha, Good job, keep it up.
Like it or not almost everybody wears a mask to hide themselves. I've written someting like this before though I forgot where I placed it. Keep it up. ^^
the message's clear,all lines rhyme....
eventhough it's sad,i like it,you have the power to show your feelings by making poems,tht's a special ability.
Keep it up!
and...remember,life isn't always dissapointing,just live with it until happiness touches you and warms your heart.
uhmm.. is it the real single o or the double o?
It's already to late
Ehehe.. Good! Good!
I have a mask!!
Hm... I like it, but it sounds a little like some of the lines are there simply because they rhymed and a few break up the rhythm and sound kinda like they don't fit...... Still, it's good, I really like the first four lines and the idea of the mask.
I think THN means to use the double O word. ^^
Originally Posted by zyronet
Concept was a good idea, yet there was left much to be desired. Hell, this concept almost inspires me a little.
Through my lies and deception, I throw away this veil,
Yet beneath lies another, an impenetrable seal,
How I desire to break free of this unyielding guise,
However, I shall remain cemented to the one I despise.
Well, that's enough of me trailing off, I think. My thoughts are that you just kinda left much out of the poem that would have only made it better. Reccomendation: As I've undoubtedly have told you, take more time when writing these poems. Brainstorm a little more into what you are thinking at the time. Only master poets can truly put their thoughts into words on the first try, and you're not quite there yet.