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THE DAY AFTER LOVE
Its a cold,hollow day
There is emptiness all around
And there is nothing I can say
I hoped for the love to stay
I hoped for you to never go away
With you I was happy,joyful and gay
On that lovely Valentines day
But now the love is gone
And there is nothing I can say
To bring us back together
So here on the bed we lay
Looking at the ceiling up above
There is no hope for us
After the day of love
Just writing my first poem ever and I would love to here your opinions on it:D .
nice poem sweet gesture to it
just few mistakes
And a chilling wind coming ower way * make it over *
And they is nothing I can say *It should be there*
thanx for the advice.
Nice poem :) it has a sad and forgotten feel to it. You're good so keep writing please. ^^
Those are the mistakes in the poem. Careful now, a poem has got to be perfect grammatically and without these careless spelling and word mistakes. The poem was decent and okay for your first try. It felt monotonous and especially so because of the rhyming. Its like the rhyming was abused. Rhymes are good for poems but a poems doesn't necessarily need rhymes to make it good. Keep writing and reading lunar. And a happy lunar new year to you. ^^Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarangel
Thanx you guys and I promise I will do better next time:) .