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My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Hallelujah is the word I sing today
‘Cause heavenly grace must be spread away
My spirits will rise and be exalted
For good actions should not be halted
I feel in peace and I feel joy
Keeping in mind this is no decoy
And when the rough times arrive
Against myself I’ll have to strive
Day by day should I freely live
The best of me trying to achieve
Loving, helping, respecting, caring
Since every soul needs some repairing
The sallow day is soon ending
And my own self still needs some mending
But shall I not wonder and scatter
This is the end, my very last drop of gray matter
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KyouFalls
T-T, I love it.
Really?! :D
How nice of you, thanks a lot! :)
This was indeed the first poem I wrote in English and it took me only like 5 minutes to do it so I was not expecting that it came out very good, glad you think different :p
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
In my opinion it's really good.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KyouFalls
In my opinion it's really good.
Arigato gozaimasu! :D Glad you liked it ^^
So maybe I'll write another poem soon :)
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Love it ^_^
Very good!!
A lot happier than any of my poems have ever written. lol
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AshureeChan
Love it ^_^
Very good!!
A lot happier than any of my poems have ever written. lol
Glad you liked it :D
Ha ha, I just wrote what came to my mind in the moment, searched on http://www.rhymezone.com/ for words that rhymed the end of the previous verse and then made up the following, 5 minutes or so :p
I guess I can also write some sad poems :p Gotta give the poet I have in me another tries xD
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Uchiha_Luffy
Glad you liked it :D
Ha ha, I just wrote what came to my mind in the moment, searched on
http://www.rhymezone.com/ for words that rhymed the end of the previous verse and then made up the following, 5 minutes or so :p
I guess I can also write some sad poems :p Gotta give the poet I have in me another tries xD
Mine always come out depressing XD
But anyway very good job :)
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AshureeChan
Mine always come out depressing XD
But anyway very good job :)
Ha ha, guess you should then read this poem more often and also read and watch even more manga/animes to cheer you up as to start writing non-depressing poems xD
Thanks again, glad you liked it :) I think it came out pretty good for a first try :p
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Uchiha_Luffy
Ha ha, guess you should then read this poem more often and also read and watch even more manga/animes to cheer you up as to start writing non-depressing poems xD
Thanks again, glad you liked it :) I think it came out pretty good for a first try :p
Hmmm idk lol xD
You're welcome!
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
So beautiful! Q-Q *tears of joy*
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
cool you should make a haiku. *sobing* This is really good. T_T yep. (no really I love this and i'm not crying TT.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Awesome Poem! I liked I it :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Sir, writes poems? Anyway, I guess you ARE some kind of artist although you can't draw anything. ^.^
Then again i don't know anything ... about everything you need imagination for.. or artistic feelings.
Keep it going.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SIZARY-MOMO
So beautiful! Q-Q *tears of joy*
Glad you liked, Sizary nee-chan bro xD *tears of joy for your prase*
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Grell Loves Jozette
cool you should make a haiku. *sobing* This is really good. T_T yep. (no really I love this and i'm not crying TT.
Aw, glad you liked it that much, I'm really thankful :D
And please don't cry 'cause if you do so your eyes will be watery and therefore you won't be able to read my poem very well ah ah xD
Btw, what's an haiku? :p
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AnimeTrek
Awesome Poem! I liked I it :D
Thanks, glad you did :) It was my very first try in English, tough I used a website for finding rhymes a lot of faster.
Guess I should be posting more soon :D
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I really like Luffy! It made me feel better reading it. Isn't your poem how we should all feel every day when waking up? :) Thanks for posting it.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Really nice for a first poem :) There really should be more happy poems :p
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jacob's Ladder
I really like Luffy! It made me feel better reading it. Isn't your poem how we should all feel every day when waking up? :) Thanks for posting it.
Thank you and you're welcome my friend :D
I guess you're right, it should be how we should feel every day when waking up, guess we'd all be a lot of happier that way but it's too damn hard xD
And now I come to think of it I believe this poem should make you feel better bearing in mind your current situation, glad to know that I improved you mood, it really makes me feel proud of my poem :p
---------- Post added at 11:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sc0tty
Really nice for a first poem :) There really should be more happy poems :p
Glad you enjoyed it :) It was not my first poem, I shall say, only the first I wrote in English (though being honest I think the last poem I wrote - in portuguese - was like 6 or 7 years ago, as a school homework, so guess we kinda may consider this my first post :p).
Yup, I have to agree with that, most poems are really sad about failing love, loosing somebody important for you, being depressed... and though I actually also like that kind of poems, those happier ones as I believe mine was (at least I tried it to be xD) please me a lot :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
very, very, veryyyyyyyy nice :D Good job ;D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
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Originally Posted by
Tsumiru
very, very, veryyyyyyyy nice :D Good job ;D
Oh, thanks, very nice of you my portuguese comrade :p
I'll post a new one (sad this time) today :)
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Good job for a first time. Continue like this, I'll read your next try too ;)
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Seraphin
Good job for a first time. Continue like this, I'll read your next try too ;)
Thak's for the support dude, it really feels good to hear that :D
Next poem (coming out in the next days) will be rather sad, will you still read it? :p
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
ofc poetry is made to express sadness
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Seraphin
ofc poetry is made to express sadness
Yeah, but also joy, hope and self-contenpemnt as in my poem :p
I believe poetry exists from human's needs to express in a rather beautiful written structure all they feel about theirselves, all their joys, fears, random toughts, their feelings towards other persons and the world that surrounds them.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Very nicely done for your first poem. For the most part everything flowed very nicely, I think I only had to catch myself once or twice with the flow being off a bit. But thats to be expected on a first poem.
Looking forward to seeing more.
As far as poetry only to be expressing sadness, not sure if ofc meant something else, cause I think most poetry expresses other feelings than sadness, unless your only doing emo poetry. :) Most songs are just a variation of poetry. Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak. :)
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
threewolves
Very nicely done for your first poem. For the most part everything flowed very nicely, I think I only had to catch myself once or twice with the flow being off a bit. But thats to be expected on a first poem.
Looking forward to seeing more.
As far as poetry only to be expressing sadness, not sure if ofc meant something else, cause I think most poetry expresses other feelings than sadness, unless your only doing emo poetry. :) Most songs are just a variation of poetry. Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak. :)
Thanks a lot man :D
I accept and agree with your critiques, the poem's flow slows down a bit in some verses, I think the first strophe is clearly the best but with the second in a close match, so I feel pleased with my poem 9/10 in the first half/2 strophes, I'd give 8/10 to the third strophe and tough I like the rhymes in the last strophe I think it doesn't sound very melodic so would give it a 7 or 6/10, so guess overally I evaluate my poem 8/10, which is more than acceptable for me as it's my first poem in English :p
Quote:
Most songs are just a variation of poetry
That's right! :D I believe that both songs and poetry are two different but both beautiful way that we found to express our own feelings, no matter how different and towards whom.
You won't have to wait much longer for my next poem :p
I think I'll try to dedicate more time to it as I finished this in 5 or 10 minutes, and it'll be sad.
Thanks again :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
threewolves
Its how I used to write most of my stuff, when I used to write music. Start with the poem, to get the feeling of how the song should be, then put the beat to it and then tweak. :)
Oh, that's an original and honestly very smart way of writing poetry, thanks for sharing it, I'll definetely use it in my next poem and then I'll be able to verify whether it produced good results or not :p
Quote:
Originally Posted by
River Kingston
Are you sure that this is your first poem?? Because it's really great, mon ami! Like seriously, I'm adding this to my favorites tab.~
Yes, I'm very sure :) Unless I also write poetry while I am asleep xD
In fact, this was my first poem in English but as my last one (in portuguese) was over 6 or 7 years ago I think I can consider this to proudly be my very first one :D
Oh, so kind of you, thanks a lot for your comment! :) So be sure to read my next poem, which will be sad :p
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cheese the saurus Rex
*Claps*
*Grins at you and thanks* :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
^ Why you grinning?
Because I'm clapping while spinning?
Round and round and round I go
Looks cooler in slow mo.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Uchiha_Luffy
Glad you liked, Sizary nee-chan bro xD *tears of joy for your prase*
Aw, glad you liked it that much, I'm really thankful :D
And please don't cry 'cause if you do so your eyes will be watery and therefore you won't be able to read my poem very well ah ah xD
Btw, what's an haiku? :p
PURE AWESOMNESS http://www.ehow.com/how_3336_write-haiku.html
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Grell Loves Jozette
Wooh, that seems really awesome, thanks a lot for making me know it :D
It definetely looks original and interesting, I'll sure give it a try. :)
---------- Post added at 11:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cheese the saurus Rex
^ Why you grinning?
Because I'm clapping while spinning?
Round and round and round I go
Looks cooler in slow mo.
Haha, you sure have your own talent for poetry as well, @Cheese the saurus Rex :D
No, I'm grinning 'cause I feel very happy
And think it's better than if I was snappy
I just haven't anything else to say
So I'll rather just tell you some random thing
As per example I'm freaking out and... bling!
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
@Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku
Uchiha luffy
Awesome forumer luffy is
Always "my friend".
tehee!
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Grell Loves Jozette
@
Uchiha_Luffy a sucky haiku
Uchiha luffy
Awesome forumer luffy is
Always "my friend".
tehee!
I like you too, @Grell Loves Jozette :p
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Uchiha_Luffy
That was suky and i think my sylables where off.
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic. :)
My spirits will raise and be exalted
raise -> rise ?
Since every soul needs some reparing
reparing -> repairing ?
I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Ooooo I lovett! *claps* You're really a very good poet, especially if that's your first try. :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
animeyay
Wow, I should hang my head in shame lol. I would never be able to compose something at your level lol. Love how your poem starts out happy and light-hearted but then turns melancholic. :)
My spirits will raise and be exalted
raise -> rise ?
Since every soul needs some reparing
reparing -> repairing ?
I'm not trying to nitpick, trust me. I just want to make this poem as perfect as possible~
Haha, I think you could if you tried :p I agree, the first 2 strophes of the poem are clearly, it starts very cheerful but then turns melancholic, tough it has a great message of hope and self-trust on it, good analysis you made, my friend :)
Lol, of course, I thank you for that, I read this poem so many times already but failed to notice those two mistakes :p *face palm*
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Awesome poem. I really love it :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
すずめ
Awesome poem. I really love it :D
Glad you liked it, hope it can somehow contribute to improve your mood dear @すずめ :D
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Re: My First Poem: Random Thoughts
I have random thoughts about your poem made up out of random thoughts. If that makes any sense? :D
BUT i've already responded to it. I've read it already a few times... still like it.