My Poetry (rather depressing of course)

I write poems quite often so, I decided I'd start a thread to share some of them with you guys. SO... here we go.

This poem is one I wrote after a series of events beyond my control that caused me and my ex to split up...

"Dereliction of the tormented"

A man imprisoned in an asylum of despair,
clings to a beacon of hope to keep him sane.
Grasping the dream to keep from being ensnared,
he whispers to himself, "My sanity I must retain".

He feels the darkness in his soul starting to recede,
as he holds on to the beacon, he knows it is his only need.
Getting him by, day by day, as he draws ever nearer,
once he's able to grasp that light, he feels things will be clearer.

The day comes and the man is released to the light,
he runs to his beacon, feeling happiness for the first time.
Whilst he's basking within it, he feels all is right,
but then all is taken from him, as he's dragged back into the grime.

He got to feel happy for once, but all has now faded,
so once again, all the man feels is jaded.
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Actually wrote this one for a school Shakespearean Sonnet project.

"Reborn"

Darkness is interpreted differently in everyone's mind,
I see it with wiser eyes than most.
If you take a step in you may be surprised at what what you find,
once it breaks you, you'll have nothing to boast.

For once it's part of you, you will see,
how insignificant things truly are,
Then happy again you will never be,
whoever you once were it will mar.

When it finally destroys your life,
you may want to die,
But don't give up yet, accept the strife,
who you were was just a lie.

Your old self may have been torn,
enjoy your new life, in the dark, you've just been reborn.

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I wrote this one after finding out that most of what I knew about my ex was a lie

"Worm"

I've dropped you out of my life for good,
You weren't who i thought you were,
I tried and tried as hard as a I could,
to see the good in you, you cur.

All that you did in the end was bring me pain,
you have proven to be a hypocrite and a liar.
You have turned into something I view with great disdain,
you wouldn't even be worthy of hellfire.

So go on with your existence, I hope you f**king suffer,
I hate you now more than anyone I've ever met.
Writhe in the grime of life, and I hope you get the filthiest of it,
you f**king worm...
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Just a short one I wrote when feeling down randomly one day...

"Rambling of a Saddened Heart"

Take a step out of the dark, and get forced back in,
losing a piece of your self again.

You got a glimpse of the happiness others feel,
but now you can see it isn't real.

All that's left is pain as your soul withers away,
and returns to its state of decay.
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From another day of feeling majorly down... (I think I should be on meds...) :/

"Destiny"

The essence of the end,
rides on the wind.
All of us shall learn its scent,
as all of us undergo the descent,
into the realm of death.

Reason for being is an illusion,
clung to by the weak.
Clear the mind of this delusion,
for you will never grasp what you seek.
Grandeur is an achievable ambition.

Still in the end it is irrelevant,
death is not benevolent.
He brandishes his scythe for all,
and all must heed his call.
Intentionality is made void.

Eventually we shall come to see,
death is our only destiny.
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For the heck of it, I guess I'll add some of my "not quite poetic" but philosophically insightful or simply random writings to this post as well... might as well.
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This I wrote not to long after my best friend killed himself...

"I Don't Belong"

Forever dwelling in between the shadows of what could have been, and what truly is, is where I am eternally stuck. I should be "happy" but I cannot extract happiness out of a world of this sort. I truly feel as if I don't belong here I'm meant for something else... I find it hard to find purpose in a world where maintaining morality makes you prey, where intellect makes you viewed as a lesser being to your peers, where only those of a large monetary stature have the right to an opinion, where love has become nothing more than the exchange of bodily fluids to most, and where the minds of so many have been twisted and perverted to cause brother to take up arms against brother. This place is not for me... I find it hard to be here for all these reasons... but most of all, I find it hard to stay here because YOU left me here alone my brother, to endure all the above without you...
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This was from a day where I got mad at a girl for starting to date another guy right after me and her went on a date I thought went well... :/

"From anger to Transcendence"

Anger, oh sweet anger, grow into hatred and fill my being. Hatred, give me the energy to to become stronger, as you always have, and fuel my darkness. Darkness, make me feel alone again, to widen the void that is my heart, and in that void, implant the dread that drives me; to one day drop these "feelings" and transcend humanity.
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Written when I was simply in a pensive state of mind.

"The only fate, and the constant lie"

Sit back, give in, let time take its course, wither away, die, let entropy break you down to your most chaotic form. It's going to happen one way or another, it's your fate, and the fate of the universe as a whole. What's the point in trying? It's an unavoidable outcome, accept that happiness is a lie, just as much so as sorrow. Why not let your emotions go too? So surpass, transcend, exceed, and let evolution takes its course, become something beyond the level of human, by accepting that death is the only fate, and emotions are a lie.
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I wrote this when I felt as if I was losing my grip on the world a few months back.

"Rift by Torment"

Disgruntled, estranged, injured, and becoming more deranged, morality falls away as compassion withers like a dying rose, in the wake of suffering and almost everything loses its value. Forgetting cannot not be achieved, if it means letting go of the few happy moments you cling to in an attempt to sate your self-loathing and other miseries long enough to survive another day.
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This one was written in between my best friend killing himself, and the problems with my ex

"Homecoming"

The last shread of hope has faded away, it's over for good, the happiness fades back into the recesses of my mind. There is nothing again, nothing but this cold and this darkness that now fill my being as they once did. So now I slip back into the doldrums of my own lies, and rebuild my barriers, as I did long ago, to insure that my sanity does not leave me. Gone is the time of letting myself show through, and gone is the time of caring. I'm going back to the darkness, where I belong, and hiding my pain, by telling myself, once again, that emotions are a lie, if only to get me through the next day. So now i relent my spirit back to the shadows, back to the cold, back home; to commune with mother darkness, and let her transform me into the callus emotionless form I once was.
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Another one written about losing touch with the world.

"The Loss of Sensation"

Sleep deprivation, trimmed with anger and deep depression, what a place to be stuck. If I was going to "grow out of this" as my elders said, it would have happened years ago. The things that used to please me have become as sand, slipping through my fingers, just as anything else I actually wish to grasp, happiness being no exception. A degenerated mindset falling further towards oblivion...
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One pertaining to my disgust with the world and/or people.

"The World As It Is"

When you show kindness, compassion, and love in a world where there is none, and it bites you in the ass every time. You may want to stop showing that side to people, because the world turns every act of kindness into a liability these days, too many people are scum. Finding the few that return those feelings is what makes the world livable.
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I did this one late last month, not sure what to say about it, self-explanatory pretty much, pertains to my ex of course.

"Insomnia"

Another sleepless night, oh how I've endured so many, since you left this ice in my soul, and this burning hatred in the void that was my heart... is this stage I'm in begrudgingly enduring, or, rather am I slipping back into the gales of self-annihilation? The answer is unbeknownst to me... we shall see what the future holds, but I certainly hope this pain is not a part of it. No forgiveness, no forgiveness for thee, crusher of my heart.
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Also pertaining to my ex, a simple statement so no title for this one.

Fleeted be the memories of happiness felt afore, destroyed by the very one who shaped them, but now with wiser eyes I see, my feelings were a lie.
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I'm at a stage of wanting to withdraw into myself again to avoid suffering to a greater degree in this one...

"Withdrawl"

Darkness, my beautiful haven, rescue me from suffering, rescue me from pain, rescue me from the world, keep me enveloped in your shroud, be my guardian, my deliverance, my one and only dependence and my only need, make me once again cease to feel. Let me once again become as a spirit, a whisper, drown out by the filth that now takes up residence as the majority of this earthly populace...
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Wrote this one the one when feeling a tad well... suicidal. :/

"Everything's Disgusting"

Kiss, kiss the world good bye, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger, or fight, continue a pointless struggle against the majority, for you'll find more filth in this world than those of any true merit, as morality continues to decay with every passing generation. Such depravity, such corruption, such greed, such abysmal contempt and jealously, all these things, they continue to exist in such abundance, as such, the cycle is endless, as infinite and never-ending as the sins themselves, there's no point, no point in fighting to live when the realm of the living, has become darker than the realm of death, so fading into obscurity seems to become the only true escape to pain.
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This one is about how I have absolutely no drive at all, how I feel like I can't go anywhere or do anything.

"No Ambition"

Goals, hopes, dreams, drive, ambition, these are things I lack, they've proven time and time again to be nothing more than fantasy, useless ideals we instill into ourselves to try to move forward, but what's the point in trying to move forward, when all you do is fall short and end up set back by suffering defeat again? Square one, that's where I'll always stay, dreams are of a nature I cannot relate with, because all they do is transmute into nightmares, this may keep me in the mundane melancholy that is my life, but at least for the most part, I avoid suffering, apart from the pains of the past.
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Well, That's all my poems/writings for now, I hope you "enjoyed" (I use that term loosely) my gallery of depression.