Need help translating ty in advance

Id do it myself but my memory sucks so much, no matter how much i study i cant remember it the next day ><; I cant seem to learn any language other than english =/


Someone tried to help me translate one of my lyrics but i was told its totally incorrect, so id like to verify what this ACTUALLY means o-o;

koi wa chimamireike oyagitakunai
Neko wa kodomo wo taberu
Sora ni! Sora ni!
Tori wa yobi!

when i tried to verify it myself by translating the words back to english i came up with this:

A carp cant swim in the bloodstained pond
a cat eats its children
in the sky in the sky
a bird calls.

tho i asked them to translate:

A carp doesnt swim in a bloody pond
a cat doesnt stray to eat its own young
in the sky! in the sky!
a bird is calling out!

o-o; Im pretty sure we messed up bigtime XD

also i need some help translating this into japanese:

In the end
i surrender
to that demon
that snatches away
unspoken words

Thanks D:

(both are for posters im making)

For the second one:

終わりで
私は降伏する
この悪魔は、強奪する
言葉を話さない

Owari de,
Watashi-wa koufuku suru
Kono akuma-wa, goudatsu suru
Kotoba-wo hanasanai

It may be a bit shaky, as I am very tired and lost my grammar guide for particles. I hope it helps though. I tried to use exact verbs in this, instead of using general ones, and seeing as it sounds like poetry, I think we can get away with using uncommon verbs.

Chances are this is really awful, but my attempt at the first part:

鯉は　血の池　泳ぎはしない
野良猫は　子種を　食いはしない
空で　空で
鳥が鳴く

koi wa chi no ike oyogi wa shinai
noraneko wa kodane wo kui wa shinai
sora de sora de
tori ga naku

And the second, springing off isaac's attempt:

終には降伏
云えない言葉を
強奪する悪魔

tsui ni wa koufuku
ienai kotoba wo
goudatsu suru akuma

Thus why I will never become a Japanese poet.

And here's my attempt for the hell of it, going off of isaac and artemisa.

血池に鯉は泳ぎしない
猫は自分の子を食う為に逸れない
空で！空で！
鳥がお鳴き！
Kecchi ni koi wa oyogi shinai.
Neko wa jibun no ko wo kuu tame ni sorenai.
Sora de! Sora de!
Tori ga onaki!


終に
口無し言葉を
奪い取る
の悪鬼に
自首して
Tsui ni
kuchinashi kotoba wo
ubaitoru
no akki ni
jishu shite.

The heck kinda posters are you making, anyway?

@Vag - I think you should lose the の in the second part, since 奪い取る can already modify 悪鬼, being a verb.

That aside, we are good poet. xD

haha thanks everyone :D this is very helpful!

The posters, im attempting to make myself. im going to take a picture or something and add the text to it XD its still in the plannin stages XD im really bad at it...its prolly gonna be a pic of the moon or something :P no clue rly :<

Yes, but what do you need vague posters with vague poetry in Japanese for? Is it a vague club thing or some vague such?

Vague!

Why oyogi wa shinai instead of oyoganai?

I know I'm late.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ArtemisA

Chances are this is really awful, but my attempt at the first part:

鯉は　血の池　泳ぎはしない
野良猫は　子種を　食いはしない
空で　空で
鳥が鳴く

koi wa chi no ike oyogi wa shinai
noraneko wa kodane wo kui wa shinai
sora de sora de
tori ga naku

And the second, springing off isaac's attempt:

終には降伏
云えない言葉を
強奪する悪魔

tsui ni wa koufuku
ienai kotoba wo
goudatsu suru akuma

Thus why I will never become a Japanese poet.

---

I agree with this one.

However, for the second poem, I suggest sneaking a に into end of the last line, as in 強奪する悪魔に, since it's not really clear who's doing the stealing from the above.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wio

Why oyogi wa shinai instead of oyoganai?

---

It doesn't really matter, but oyoganai sounds casual and colloquial (and therefore a bit childish), wheras oyogi wa shinai sounds more proper and formal (and therefore more mature). Just like in English, where writers of "serious" literature choose to use "it is" instead of "it's", "should not" instead of "shouldn't", etc.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Datenshi

It doesn't really matter, but oyoganai sounds casual and colloquial (and therefore a bit childish), wheras oyogi wa shinai sounds more proper and formal (and therefore more mature). Just like in English, where writers of "serious" literature choose to use "it is" instead of "it's", "should not" instead of "shouldn't", etc.

---

その通り！ That's what I was trying for, anyway. I was going for the style in the more formal-sounding lyrics I've seen. All the sort of "darker" lyrics seem to sound like that (and everything seems to echo of AliPro if you stare hard enough).

Glad my thing doesn't sound too stupid though. I'm much better J->E than E->J. Und, I agree with you about the に.