Kimi ga Nozomu Eien - Rumbling Hearts

1 Attachment(s)

First, the link to "Rumbling Hearts" from Kimi ga Nozomu Eien.

And now the blow by blow.

Original Japanese/English in code, suggested revision below with comments in parentheses.

Code:

Anata he no omoi Ikiteku

Anata e no omoi ikiteku

(he is an inappropriate romanization for this grammatical particle)

Code:

The distant rainbow we met My memory of you will live on For eternity

We can find each other under that far-off rainbow
My memories for you live on
Forever

(the original misses the potential conjugation and misconstrues the object of the sentence)

Code:

The soft wind holds Your memory my heart becomes painful On top of the hill by myself The seasons are waiving

Embraced by the gentle wind,
My heart agonizes over memories of you
Alone atop the hill,
I watch the seasons pass

(the original misses the subject and is generally awkward)

Code:

Beyond the blue skies What can I see? I want courage And pray for silence

What can be seen
Beyond the blue skies?
I pray silently:
Please give me courage

(the last line in the original mistakes an adverb for a direct object)

Code:

I can't go back anymore To your arms wrapped around me The gentle days The hazy summer memories remain The tiny fireworks disappear Even now

Now there's no going back,
Back to those tender days
Wrapped in your arms
Those summer memories still faintly remain
And the little fireworks do not disappear
Even now

(the second to last line in the original mistranslates a negative verb as affirmative)

Code:

The water sprays the light pours It looks like crystal! Look! It shines Even the innocent smile I am taken by it

The sprinkler water glitters in the sunlight
And oh!
How it shines like a crystal
That innocent smile
Takes me away

(the original is very literal and awkward)

Code:

Our fingertips touch That degree of uneasiness For just a little more Hold me like this

Each time our fingers touch
I become ill at ease
Please hold on to me
For just a moment longer

(the original omits a word and loses the semantic connection between the first two lines)

Code:

I can't return anymore Hesitating to be hurt Those young days Inside my heart, the secret is raised The tiny memory disappears Even now

I can no longer return
To the days of my youth
When I feared pain
I cannot forget
These feelings I've held deep in my heart
Not now

(the original loses the semantic connection throughout the stanza, mistranslates a negative verb, and mistranslates the meaning of the particle "de wa" in this context)

Code:

Someday Everything will Become gentle That day I saw the seven-colored dream The distant rainbow we met My memory of you will live on For eternity

I know that someday
This will all become sweet memories
The rainbow-like dream I had on that day
We can find each other under that far-off rainbow
My memories for you live on
Forever

(the original mistakes a noun for an adjective; some free translation added to make sense in English)

I realize that my translation may have some awkwardness in it, but I hope it can serve as a basis for better revisions.

The purpose of this revision is to fix clear grammatical and translation errors.

The full revision draft is attached.

Quote:

Code:

Anata he no omoi Ikiteku

Anata e no omoi ikiteku

(he is an inappropriate romanization for this grammatical particle)

I actually agree with you that 'he' is to me the wrong romanization for that particle but different transliterators have different conventions and you should know that.

That aside, I agree with the translation corrections on just a short look-through because the current one is definitely terrible.

...have you played Kiminozo? I'm just one of the many people traumatized by it (and when this song plays I get so disturbed...)

Yeah, still struggling for the Mitsuki ending. I'm not sure how I ended up with Akane on my last playthrough, but I'm not complaining. Mmm, spicy meatball.