Sadly enough.. she (kagome) knew all that.. and she still stays with him. so when you said that my curse was loving you.. it hurt to hear it.. but youre right. It all hit me at once and I understood why i have an obession with that stupid cartoon. I understood why I would cry with Kagome and why my heart would ache. I thought it was just me being a girl. Now I see its so much more for me. .. IDk. Im just talking out of my *** now. Im gonna go work out for a bit. I guess Ill talk to you later. Take care please, I love you.
Dont get me wrong... but it wasnt exactly a guilt trip you gave me. Yes I do forgive you, I mean really. Why should I be angry over somthing I have no control over? I dont think of loving you as such a burden.. its hard to describe really. I just cant help it.. Im drawn to you in so many ways. Anyway. IDK.. you might think this is dumb.. but do you really know why I like Kikyo? Just that anime it self.. why I like it so much? I see our exact situation in it. See.. but the reason I like Kikyo's role is bc.. all I ever wanted was what she had with InuYasha. Undying love that extended to the after life. The reason why I hate Kagome.. is bc.. Im not in Kikyos shoes. I was delt Kagomes role. Yeah.. InuYasha ends up realzing that he was ment to be with Kagome.. but it took a while for that.. and no matter how much he cares for Kagome.. Kikyo still has a place in his heart.. and shes always be first over Kagome.
letting go of you would be like taking the air from my lungs and the blood from my veins...i guess you are right about that song snuff..."it took the death of hope to let you go"...i would have to die to let go of you...even still i dont think i would. sorry but if i go first i'll probably haunt you...but in a good way. well my love, i hope i get to talk to you sometime soon, i dont think you want to though but i'll keep trying. i dont ever want to give up on us. sorry i failed you again. sorry i fail you so much. i try not to. i'm just not that good. dont know what you really see in me. but meh, we wont get into that now. save that for another time. well Jen. I love you. i hope you'll want to talk to me soon. i love you so much. you'll never understand just how much i really do love you...take care and be safe my queen. I REMAIN FAITHFULLY FOREVER YOUR LOVER & KING>Ron
well, i sure would like to talk to you. and about the skype contacts think...i swear to you there is no one else...you are probably seeing 2 contacts because there is a sound/bit test thing listed in my contact so i can check my webcam and mircrophone. i thought everyone had it. like i said, there i go thinking i know what the hell i am saying again. well, i hope you will at least forgive me and not be angry with me. i know the situation seemed wierd but it seriously wasnt me. maybe it was my fault for being absent minded but it wasnt me. i just wanted to talk to you. i get all restless when i know its time to hear your voice. and i know you are the same way. as much as you try to hate me, you still love me and you still cherish the time we get to spend talking and being together...that must be your curse...loving me. wish i could free you of that. seems like such a burdening thing. sorry. but i cant let go.
and please dont let me bringing up leave act as a guilt trip for you...not my intention at all although thats what it seems to have done...i was venting...big time. we were doing so well...you even said it yourself. i guess we arent quite as strong as i thought we were. i thought we were past the small annoyances like this but i guess that's still enough potency to upset one of us. i guess we still have a LONG way to go. must have just been fooling myself into thinking we were really happy...happier than we ever were. i dont know i'm probably wrong either way. usually am. i need to stop trying to play Dr. Phil and learn to shut up. i guess thats just my own arrogance trying to creep out. i always try to sound like i know what i'm talking about even when i dont. just my way of making up for being such a loser, maybe i can at least sound smart. meh, been doing that for 20 years, still hasnt gotten me anywhere. old habits die hard i guess...
geez you drive me crazy...i guess that's a good thing though. if you didn't affect me i guess that would mean you didnt mean much to me...but you do...you mean the world to me. i wish you wouldnt think like you do and suspect me but that is my fault i dont deny that. that's the curse that i'll have to live with for the rest of my life. but as long as i have you i'll gladly bear that curse. i know it sounds strange to say but as much as you make me crazy its just because i love you so much. if i didnt love you i just wouldnt care...id probably be like reed or one of those other guys you and i have known. i hope im not like that at least. i dont think i am. i try to think of myself as honorable. i know ive had my moments of living in darkness but im trying to stay away from that. i thought i was doing good but it i who have failed you. i didnt think enough, wasnt paying attention and let my excitement get the better of me. i guess thats just the one of my MANY flaws...
Umm I guess theres not much else to say. Sorry for acting they way I did. I didnt mean to hurt you in anyway. Just.. l let my wall down, .. so I flipped out. It wont happen again (me flipping out that is) Ill really try not to.. just need to get used to having to deal with these kind of things. So yeah, talk to you later, take care please. I love you.
Well.. I cant say that I believe you. No I didnt ask the mods or admins to do anything, I just removed you from my friend list.(they would never get invovled in somthing like this, friend or not) Now that I can think without being mean, I still think youre lieing. I know you dont just talk to me on skype, your profile lists you with 2 contacts, so I know theres someone else, I dont care to know who.I cant tell you who you can talk to... who not to.. IDK why you cant be truthful with me.. you did it in Iraq, so I should of expceted it this time to. So all in all I failed you, I guess Im not giving you everything you need again. For that Im sorry. So.. yeah, um. Dont worry about your leave, Ill try to make it a good one for you, I know the last thing you need is to come home and have to deal with me. Besides, the girls are excited to see you.. I dont want to ruin anything for them either.
well i'll keep trying and you'll keep ignoring me when i call. probably all the way until i come home next week. and that's what really sucks about this. one ****ing week before i come home. good job ron. way to mess up your whole time home with your wife. so i'm guessing leave wont be any more inviting. lovely. either way, i'll still be coming home next week whatever the circumstances my be. i really do love you jen. and for what it is worth, i'm sorry and wish you weren't mad at me. we were doing so well. Too well. I guess i knew it was too good to be true. my luck is never that good. I wish it was but it isnt. I guess that's my curse. I Love You Jen. Always. I REMAIN FAITHFULLY FOREVER YOUR LOVER AND KING>Ron
i know i might be dumb sometimes but give me some credit. why would i say a wierd comment like that and then deny it. Skype isnt Instant messenger. you cant call more than one person at a time. and besides i dont have skype to talk to anyone else. JUST YOU. i just wish you would answer when i call or at least give me a chance. this whole situation is ****ed up and it really wasnt me. I can tell you if would have found who it was that was on my skype i probably would be in confinement right now. i even walked the line of computers where i was on before to check screens and see if i could catch someone but i was too late. whoever it was had already been bumped off when i was able to log on. I LOVE YOU JEN. you know that. or at least you did up until this happened. **** my karma sucks. what is it that i do that keeps throwing me in this **** storm everytime i turn around?