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QueerFeminist16
09-08-2010, 04:48 PM
Heylo,

I would like to submit a full overhaul of the lyrics for Laugh Away, by YUI (Album: I Loved Yesterday, 2008), citing the need for greater clarity in the translation's English delivery. Please see the following link for the original transliteration and English translation on Animelyrics:

http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/yui/laughaway.htm

-- And the attachment to this posting for my transliteration, English translation, and the lyrics in Japanese (compressed, in .rtf format).

I'm open to any suggestions and (constructive!) criticisms from others (including the original translator). Thank you!

- Q.F.

P.S. Are English translations supposed to be equal in length (pertaining to # of lines) to the romaji transliteration?

AzureDark
09-09-2010, 07:04 AM
This person hasn't shown up in over a year so I guess I'll put it up.

Some things though:
ヒコーキ雲 is 'hikoukigumo', weird because you got 上り坂 right (the other way round for the original transliterator)
The reading for 溢れそうな here is 'afuresouna', from the context ("overflow"). (You had actually interpreted the wrong one into your trans, look at the previous one where the lines are almost the same and you'll see). [Actually I'm not forcing you to change it - if you see the lyrics that way so be it.]

I'm also gonna decapitalize the places where you did so, so that everything is consistent. Also keep in mind that any whitespace inbetween the stanza will surely screw up the display too.




P.S. Are English translations supposed to be equal in length (pertaining to # of lines) to the romaji transliteration?
Yes, not only the number of lines but the stanzas must correspond to each other for the lyrics to show up properly on the site.

QueerFeminist16
09-09-2010, 08:39 AM
Some things though:
ヒコーキ雲 is 'hikoukigumo', weird because you got 上り坂 right (the other way round for the original transliterator)


Haha; curious how people end up complimenting one another.

No, I definitely welcome the input; other than recognizing, at best, a chance few words and phrases, my transliteration ability is abysmal. Also, that あぶれる (fail at) tends to be written only in kana. However, I'm pretty sure that I hear a あぶれる and not あふれる in the song; it also seems to be more fitting with the message of that stanza. However, I am going to keep your advice in mind; I'm going to listen to the song another dozen times now. ;)


I'm also gonna decapitalize the places where you did so, so that everything is consistent. Also keep in mind that any whitespace inbetween the stanza will surely screw up the display too.

http://www.animeforum.com/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by QueerFeminist16 http://www.animeforum.com/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?p=2474527#post2474527)
P.S. Are English translations supposed to be equal in length (pertaining to # of lines) to the romaji transliteration?

Yes, not only the number of lines but the stanzas must correspond to each other for the lyrics to show up properly on the site.

I'll be more deliberate with my formatting next time; sorry for the trouble.

Thanks for your help!

animeyay
09-09-2010, 11:05 AM
So I got curious and listened to the song myself.


I'm pretty sure I heard あふれる, not あぶれる.

The consonant of ふ is not a real f sound, but pretty much a b sound without the lips touching, so maybe that's why it could sound more like a b to many people.


あふれる also makes a lot more sense in that stanza:

Hold out your hands (手を伸ばして) in a way that you don't spill (こぼさないように) your nearly overflowing passions (溢れそうな情熱を).

The imagery I get from this stanza is that the person makes a scoop with his/her two hands to hold his/her passions, and now s/he needs to stretch out his/her hands very carefully, so that the passions in his/her won't spill at any sudden/jerky movement. But this is definitely open to other interpretations, lol, 'cuz I could very well be over-imagining on this one XD

QueerFeminist16
09-09-2010, 12:20 PM
@Animeyay - I strongly appreciate you going clean out of your way to help me out. And, I agree now - listening again, the "fu" does sound a little too soft for an actual b sound.

When I saw the stanza,

溢れそうな get away, get away
情熱を get away, get away
こぼさいないように 手を伸ばして

I was more thinking of trying to keep it in line with the previous bridge. Your imagery fits, though (and I don't think you could ever over-imagine something - unless you, you know, land yourself in Arkham Asylum in the process :ninja:). I'll defer to your word and Azure's; I'd like the English translation to be altered to:

If you don't want to (get away, get away)
Spill your (get away, get away)
Overflowing passions,
Hold out your hands

(the corresponding romanization of 溢れそうな would have to be switched from "aburesouna" to "afuresouna," as well.)

If you'd like be credited in the translation, animeyay, I'd welcome it. Thanks to you too, Azure.

animeyay
09-09-2010, 12:49 PM
Kewl. I'm just glad to be of help, and more glad that you're taking in my thoughts, so I'm happy. =)

And nah, it's fine, you can take the credit. I'm just a person bored at work trying to find something useful to do. XD