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joe2008
07-30-2008, 06:49 PM
"...I, VICTOR AUGUSTUS STELLIUS, Mayor of the City of Stella, hereby authorize the usage of the DarkStars, to be administered by the Department of Defence and Homeland Security, to any one individual who can successfully discover a way to use the unforeseen power of the DarkStars for the good of all of the people throughout these Stellian Planets. This agreement is cosigned by Joseph Gusta, President of the Stellian Nation, and under the agreement, all persons who can awaken the power of the DarkStars shall be granted a DDHS contract for the MANUFACTURE AND DISTRIBUTION OF SUCH DISCOVERY..."

I was afraid to send that proclamation away, for I knew very well the consequences it would bring. The next morning, I would probably receive calls from about tens of thousands of eager companies and groups who would want to enter the Golden Chamber and do whatever they would see fit with the DarkStars. If they were used in the wrong way, It could have effects that could bring the nation to war. On the other hand, the discoveries that can come out of this order would keep our ten planets prosperous, and I would never have to sleep at night worrying about possible war again. I had in my hands a advancement or a declaration of war. I just had to play my cards. Let me wait and see how strong my hand is...

I returned to my manor on the foothills outside of the city. This is my own personal sanctuary, where I could have some time to myself. I went immediately to my study and read some books. These were books that were written about the DarkStars, and of their counterparts, the LightStars. I had discovered the DarkStars one afternoon as I was about to leave for lunch. A large meteor fell from the sky and separated into 12 pieces. Each fell, one by one, in the backyard. I had noticed when I touched them I felt like I could lift a mountain and walk 100 miles without stopping. I wanted to know what was I feeling. To do this, I had to go see my good friend Joseph Gusta, Stellian National President. He had two sons that were senators. The oldest, Udak, was a respected man with a keen eye and a sharp mouth. Gudak, the youngest, was also respected by his peers, but his views on how to run the Nation rival that of his brother's, and both use the Senate floor as their own personal battlefield. Sometimes their father had to calm down both before the quarrels got out of hand. When I visited Joseph that afternoon, both Udak and Gudak were away on business, and I immedately was granted an audience.
"Victor, my good friend," he said as he hugged me. "What is the matter? You look kind of pale today."
"Well, friend, the reason I am here is because of a discovery I had found in my backyard."
Joseph laughed all of a sudden. I couldn't blame him. I was known for my wild notions and crazy discoveries. I became the laughingstock of the Nation when at least one word got out. But this time I wasn't joking.
"What is it this time, Victor?" he finally said as he calmed himself down. "Another bowl of waxed money?"
"No, it is not," I said firmly. I then told him all that I saw leading to that point. And Joseph would not let me omit one word. After I was done, he was speecless. After a long period of silence, he said, "Where are these meteor pieces now?"
"At my basement, Joseph, kept under glass."
Joseph looked at me briefly, stared into the ceiling for a few minutes and then said, "Well, Victor, you better go back and fetch the pieces and get them ready. Tomorrow morning I will present the pieces to my cabinet."
I looked sternly and said, "I can't do that, Joseph. You know perfectly well I can't be in the same room as Mary for 30 minutes without her crying false at my face."
"Mary, my wife, is no longer here," Joseph reassured me. "Two weeks ago she recieved a letter from my sister Quanisha, which informed of the passing of Vice President Sivad. She has gone to the funeral at Lunia, and she won't return for another two years." Joseph looked at me very compassionately and then said, "Victor, if these pieces are what you say they are, then I think we have stumbled upon an amazing power source. I can't wait to see these pieces myself."

Thus was the reason for the proclamation. After the cabinet minus Mary Gusta, who was Secretary of Commerce and Industry, looked at the pieces, they moved that Joseph saw to the protection of them. So he cosigned the proclamation, which he gave me exclusive powers to approve or decline the requests I see fit. The Cabinet knew that a lot of shady business would come out and use the pieces to further corporate goals, not the greater good of the people. When Udak and Gudak returned, they came to my downtown office and asked to see the pieces. I told them that they were kept safe in my office vault and I was told by their father not to see them. They were persistent, so I showed them the proof, in their father's handwriting. The brothers then asked if I had made photographs of the pieces. I said now that I can show them. I tried to find the negatives that Joseph made during the showing of the pieces to the Cabinet. After I found them, I gave it to them. They were amazed, to say the least. Next, Udak asked, "Mr. Stellius, has the pieces been examined yet?"
I thought that was a typical question. "No, Udak," I answered. "Your father asked someone to try to examine the pieces, but when he touched one, it exploded. The examiner was left with third-degree burns on his right hand, but he was alive."
"So, it must have had some kind of protection devise installed in them," Gudak observed. "But why does it act that way, Mr. Stellius? Have you been able to figure it out?"
"I am afraid not, Gudak. The pieces seem to have a mind of own."
After the brothers' assurance that they would not disclose what have been said to the Senate, they left, not before Udak saying that he and Gudak will hope for the best. As soon as they left, I have received a call from my secretary, informing me that the first request has been delivered and that two gentlemen wanted to see me. Of course, I was a little worried about the fear about business using the pieces to further corporate goals, but I told her to let them in. As they opened the door, I was amazed. They wore suits of the finest caliber, and in both of their hands held a lenthy presentation.
"Good morning, gentlemen," I said.
The man on the left spoke first. "Mayor Stellius, we represent Sasusaku Robotics, which is located in Stellviasia. We have heard from our Stellia office that you found pieces, which are probably a great power source. Our request is that we would like to use these pieces to power a new series of fighting robots we are in the process of testing."
I was intrigued. "Tell me more."
"These robots, Mayor Stellius," the man on my right said, "were designed to take on the shape of humans, but that is their outside apperance. Once in combat mode, they assume the bodies of dragons. We had designed them to be superior in fighting skills. The only thing missing is a souce needed to convert the robots from humans to dragons, and so on. That is why we came to you, Mayor Stellius."
The conversation contined for at least two more hours or so, as the men talked about why they chose robots as the recipients of the pieces. I told them that was all I needed to know, and that I should call them within a week or so...
I explained it all in a letter to the Gustas:

This company, Sasusaku Robotics, is hoping to use the pieces to power a series of humanoids that are in the testing stages. Two Sasusaku representatives paid me a visit yesterday. I got to see the blueprints, what the robots would do for the betterment of all of the people. It was truly a remarkable presentation...
Still, I can't get off of my mind the emotions I am feeling as I am writing this letter. Should I or shouldn't I? I realize that if I let them use the pieces for their robots, I would feel like I would bring a royal flush to the rest of the Stellian people. Still something distresses me. I have yet to see how these robots would change our lives...

The next day I recieved a reply from Udak and Gudak. They instructed me to refer Sasusaku Robotics to the Senate Committee on Corporate Interests in Government, which they co-chaired. I called the president of Sasusaku, a man named Paul Fieldbrook, that they are to be present before the committee at the Capitol Building, 1200 Hayate Ave.

I was present at the Light Room during the hearings. Fieldbrook gave a wonderful presentation. He stated that there was twelve humanoids currently in experimentation and waiting the word to use the pieces. Fieldbrook explained to play it safe, 6 of the humanoids will have a lower dose of the radiation from the pieces, and the other 6 will get higher doses. He explained that by doing it this way, it would eliminate the probability of all of them being too arrogant in their newfound powers. Fieldbrook named the models who will be getting the weaker doses: M-153, codenamed Shii; J-85, codenamed Vicka; R-87, codenamed Shiambi; T-350, codenamed Vistania; and A-182, codenamed Evonus. When Gudak asked which models will get the higher doses, Fieldbrook declined, saying that the test results must determine if they are worthy candidates. Udak arranged for another hearing before rendering their decision. The second hearing will take place in two weeks, he told Fieldbrook, so be prepared for then.
After the Sasusaku people left, the Gusta brothers invited me to their office.
"Can you belive this?" Udak complained.
"I smell something fishy here, Mr. Stellius," Gudak said. "These people don't want to get all of the humanoids arrogant, so why tell us the names of the more powerful models?"
"Gudak, I think that Mr. Fieldbrook has something to hide. He must have a superior that pulling all the strings."
"Mr. Stellius, I think you're right here," Udak said. "Gudak, remember that lengthy report Mom made about Sasusaku Robotics?"
"Yeah, why didn't we bring it to the hearing? I'll go get it." Gudak rummaged through his desk and pulled out a brown manilla envelope. "Here it is. the DCI report on Sasusaku Robotics, Inc."
Gudak emptied the contents. "Sasusaku is a relatively new company, founded less that two and a half years ago. Its parent, Martin Technology, is one the most successful companies in the Nation. But MartTech's founder, Juilius A. Martin, is a puppet master, and a damn good one. He doesn't care about the physical and emotional well-being of all who work for him; he mearly sees all his employees as tools, lackeys."
"Did we know that Martin's behind all this?"
Suddenly a knock on the door. "Senators Gusta?" It was their assistant, Victoria Darki, a beautiful woman with black hair.
"Yes, Vicki, what is it?" Udak said.
"Here is the probe report from the SBI on MarkTech." She handed Udak another manilla envelope.
"Thank you, Vicki." She left with all her grace.
"Mr. Stellius, you can stop making sheep's eyes now," Gudak said.
"Sheep's eyes? Come on, Gudak-"
"Just admit it, Mr. Stellius! You have a crush on Vicki!" Udak persisted.
I shrugged them off, telling them that I don't have a crush on Vicki. I lied. Udak returned to his desk with the manilla envelope. He opened it and out came a CD.
"Pop this in the boom box for me, Mr. Stellius," he asked. I did and hit play. What I heard I will never forget:

"Hello?"
"Paul, it's Julius."
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?"
"I heard you approached Stellius with a request to use that new power source he discovered. Good work, Paul. Couldn't have done it better myself."
"Thank you, sir."
"By the way, Paul, how is the status of the new humanoids?"
"One of them seems to act rebellious, sir. We've tried to reform him, but to no avail, we have to cut him off."
"Well, that's 1 down, and 12 to go. How are those?"
"Well, sir, the 12 we got are operating under full parameters, and should be as powerful as they are in three years, provided we get the nod from Mr. Stellius to use the pieces."
"Need I remind you, Paul, that I've got a lot riding under this venture?"
"Yes, I do, sir."
"And that what happens to people who fail me?"
"Yes, I do, sir."
"Then please don't let me down, Paul. I mean, when you have to see the Gustas tomorrow."
"I won't, sir."
"Good, Paul. I'm counting on you."

"Hardly a smoking gun," I commented.
"But that's it!" Gudak shouted. "This wasn't the first time Martin tried to play the system. Three years ago he set up a phony company to win a DCI contract for business loan regulation. Mom got fishy when she noticed that only Martin's friends got preferential treatment when everyone else complained of quick and speedy denials for no apparent reason. She got digging, but before she can blow the whistle, Martin sold the company and the contact. He kept all of the profits he gained through his crazy scheme. I am not going to let Marting pull the wool over our eyes this time!" Furious, Gudak reached for his office phone. "Get Ross in our office, NOW!" he screamed before slamming the receiver.

P.S. Give some feedback telling what you like about Ch.1

Capernicus
08-21-2008, 02:46 AM
Okay, I think you have a very vivid imagination joe2008. I can see that you've put a lot of time and effort into the details of the storyline, so obviously this is a project that you've really tried on. I do like the way you've presented your characters, I like the way the chapter started with that proclamation, and I also like where you seem to be taking this story.

What I don't like, however, is how easily the plot seemed to come about. Shouldn't Mr. Stellius have heard proposals from more people than just one? Shouldn't there have been other corporations that wanted to use these DarkStars for their own personal gain? Why weren't they represented here? And how can such powerful items have just happened to "land" in his backyard? And all 12 of them? Unless you intend to reveal the reason later as some plot twist, I think this is an important point to cover.

Besides the story, I have spotted a few other grammatical errors that you may want to correct. Very minor though.

Goood job, keep writing, I look forward to chapter 2.

joe2008
08-21-2008, 01:35 PM
I am terribly sorry that I have made the plot so easy. The truth is this: me and my younger brother Ricky had intended other corporations to come forward and bid on the use of the DarkStars, but this will happen on a future chapter. And I will explain in detail how the DarkStars fell out of nowhere in Victor Stellius's backyard. I thank you for your questions, and I hope I have given you justifiable answers