PDA

View Full Version : Original Fiction: Elemental Goddess



sakura_taisen
05-02-2008, 02:54 PM
Hello. My name is Luna, I am eighteen years old and this is the story of my life. Now when I was twelve I found out a huge secret about my life. One that changed it. Forever...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Six Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a new school year, and I hadnt made any friends yet. I was so sad, and lonely. The kids who lived in my neighborhood thought I was weird, because of the weird things that I could do. I could float. I could create wind currents even on an extremely hot day. I could shoot fire from my hands.I could survive underwater. I could hurt people with water. I could manipulate plants and the earth. I had strange dreams. Earth was under attack. People were dying. Wherever I stepped another person was killed. There were these strange creatures, they looked like chimereas. Then there were these four girls who called themselves the Elemental Goddesses. They told me that I was their leader, the only one who could unite the elements to vanquish the evil that would soon destroy the earth. Every time I woke up, I was panting and sweating. I was so scared. Scared that my dreams would come true.

sakura_taisen
06-21-2008, 04:17 PM
i will post A.S.A.P

Capernicus
06-21-2008, 04:52 PM
Sounds intriguing. I do hope, though, that your continual use of the structure "I could..." was a rhetorical device, and the rest of the story won't be written in a similar fashion. That would be boring.

Karsh
06-21-2008, 07:32 PM
I think the opening is a bit strange? But sounds like you could become better. Yeah.

Kristian The Twilight
06-23-2008, 01:21 PM
I like it

sakura_taisen
06-25-2008, 11:07 AM
thank you very much

aishiteru333
06-25-2008, 11:12 AM
I like it but the story might end after you say stuff about her powers. You should let her discover them and why the other kids in her neighborhood don't like her. All in all it's great, it's just bothering me that it might end within the next two chapters.
Just trying to lend a hand...

sakura_taisen
06-25-2008, 02:39 PM
do not worry it will not end in the next two chapters, in fact i am trying to make it at least twenty chapters. and also she discovers new powers over time, so those arent her only ones

amasteratwork
06-25-2008, 02:53 PM
Too short

sakura_taisen
06-26-2008, 10:05 AM
i didnt even finish yet so how can you say its too short?!

amasteratwork
06-30-2008, 04:15 PM
It wouldn't hurt to have had a few more paragraphs in the first post...Finished or not. Its just my opinion...When I first started writing a long time ago, I would keep them short as you did but awhile afterwards when I went back to go over it the only thing I could say was..."That's it?"

sakura_taisen
06-30-2008, 04:23 PM
well the three and one half paragraphs that i was going to post got lost so i could only post half of the first papagraph