View Full Version : Naruto Fanfiction: Black Sand

04-02-2008, 06:46 PM
Hello, as i said in introduction, i am a new member for Foreigner country.
This is my debut piece...I really need your support and thanks for that!

Chapter one

Gaara…can you remember when did I met you?
You are the one whom is too shined for me…like sun
I am just a middle school first-year…but I couldn’t believe I did it…
I am just a girl who believe in my fate and sake…and I am a dropout…who has no talents on studying…
But that day…I met…the one…I mean the two of miracles, which only happens in the storybook.

“Ah!!!!!!!!!!!! Gaara is alive!!!!! He is alive in shippuden!! Look! Look!” I am waving my comic book in front of my classmate friend who sits next to me.
Totally…silence…No one is answering me???
I saw some of the pathetic faces stared at me seems to said:“ you’ve finished!”
My friend sighed deeply, then her hand slowly goes upward; her finger point my face, one second…she turned suddenly…
I don’t even know why everyone is too strange…are they afraid of something?
“YOU!!! What do you think you are? Huh? Daydreaming in my lessons? How dare are you, toshimi?”
Then…I finally understand…the most fierce teacher…satou-sensei.
“Toshimi…what did sensei say to you?” Nachi stared at me in curiosity.
“ Ten-times chemistry homework!” I used almost crying voice groaned like a dog lost its owner.
“ My god! She never goes on that easy, you know??? You are so lucky, toshimi-Chan.” Nachi almost fell for me in the way of her eyes blinked in warship.
“ By the way…Gaara still alive, that’s the most important thing!” I pointed out in pride. Gaara is the only one that I have confident and I love him…
“ That’s so good…but…Toshimi…that’s enough, isn’t it?” Nachi hang down her head, in silence. This is not usual! Nachi is acted strangely now.
“Toshimi, Gaara is too far to catch up, it just a anime character.” Nachi said in a deeply voice. Suddenly, I feel something bad…so bad…I feel I am left out…why she’s saying such as things…Gaara is real…He is real!
“Oh!!!” The sweet sound spread out from our form…Gigantic…. like the volcano…more likely the chicks in the farmer market.
“What’s going on there?” we asked questionably.
“Look here! Look here! She’s so cool!” a girl pointed in the corner.
We followed her finger… a person with sits in the chair quietly, it’s a girl…short hair with swallow blue mixed with brown dark colour…white-skinned face with skim outline of her body…that’s…se..x…. more likely so cool.
She gazed at me with a pair of beautiful eyes fixed with default, purest blue edged with swallow dark green and indigo. That gaze is shining, glistening but faint shallow. It wasn’t like the sun, but pretty much, it likes a moon, a mid night full moon, a mysterious moon full of secrets and treasure that No ones even the selenographies cannot read its propounds.
Somehow, I have a special feeling about her eyes…it likes someone’s…
“ Se is out new student from aboard, she is a mixed-blood of four country, and everyone will take care of her!” Satou-sensei said loudly.
“ Yes!!!!!!” everyone shouted in determined voice.

“Hey, have you heard of it?” Nachi murmured to me.
“ What is it?” I asked.
“That Se…She is the No.1 of current test, and she’s got completely all the points, awesome isn’t it? By the way, I have heard, her family is really a high-status and rich, her father is mixed blood of German and French, Her mother is an English and Japanese mixed. Some newspaper reckons: Se has inherited 88 billion. Amazing!” Nachi said supremely with happiness.
“Gees, Gaara is the most amazing one!” I blurred out directly.
“Gaara, Gaara, Gaara!!! Toshimi! Gaara is not real, he just a person that never existed! Why are you so crazy about him, you are a dropout whom always the last one of the whole year-grade, do you know why? Because of your “noble Gaara” you have spend all the time for it, what have you got? Nothing left for you!” Nachi shouted angrily at me.
I stand awkwardly without any movement…I cannot believe what did I just hear…I dazed, vibrated…why? Why even you not believe Gaara’s existence? That’s so cruel…at same time…I know she is right…no matter what…Gaara cannot ever become true…

Home…mum’s furious face…always shows up about my achievements. Of course I don’t care…no matter what, I am not that kind of genius like that Se, good looking, smart and rich background. I tried and tried and nothing happens.
I slam my door. Lock it from inside. I throw my self in the bed. I hate this…this world seems like too dirty and ugly, people who have beauty face always the winners…I hate this…no one support me…everyone thinks I am just a crazy fan girl of Gaara who has never alive… But…I believe…he is alive…in somewhere…definitely… just we can’t see…
“You are thinking about Gaara of desert.” Not question speech, that voice clear, soft and beauty just like her…but cold and indifferent…especially…especially when she said Gaara… Se stands in front of me with her innocent looking and that angel faces can take you breath. She stared at me, her eyelashes is so long, upside forward into a perfect degrees.
“You want to see him.” She carries on without looking at me.
“How do you know? Don’t too full of yourself, you damn rich kid!” I hate people underestimate me, particularly those rich one like her.
“I can fulfill your wish! Come with me!” She ignored my attitude and walked straight in to my bedroom’s windowsill.
“Hey, where are you going? My house is Floor 20, you will die if you jump…Hey come back?” I shouted to her. What a strange girl! Although you might have your own hospital because you are rich, you still cannot jump randomly, is your brain rusted?
“Jump!” a voice sounded out from outside. Jump? Are you joking? I am not going to die before I see Gaara yet!!!!!!!!!!! But, my body excited, it’s moving…like. Like magic. I feel my blood flow into a high speed…my heart beat faster and faster like the leopard hunt chasing the deer. What going on? Is that girl…really can let my dream become true…Gaara, where are you?

Because i live in England so some of the spell might not the American spell.
Forgive me if you found any words you cannot recognize. i don't mind if you ask me, and i am pleasure to me your friend.

04-04-2008, 10:25 PM
I edited your title for you so it went with the titling scheme for the forum. Also, please dont double post on your fictions. If you have something to add, edit your first post and add it to that :)

04-05-2008, 10:52 AM
I shall to remember it.....
Thanks for telling me and support me!

04-05-2008, 11:36 AM
Sorry, but forgot to mention, this is a novel, which means there is lots of chapter in, this is the second chapter of it, hope you enjoy. And please write your comment.

Chapter Two Dream to true

“Open your eyes!” A cold voice for behind said.
Huh? What’s going on? I remember…I jumped for my windowsill…so I should be…die! I…. died!
“Mama, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I have eat my dinner yet, and I have seen Gaara yet, mama!” I shouted, roared randomly…even there is no one that can hear me; I died…Wait…how can I still spoke when I died?
Se started at the girl, her eyes hang down, those eyelashes covered completely her eye frame even the eye corner, formed a beauty views. She glanced at girl. She is not beauty; stupid with a bit overweight…She is just normal as she can see for this blue sky down to the streets of Tokyo. Her expression is very interesting… Is that what does human do when they thought they died?
I opened my eyes…wind sweeping my faces and wiped my brown hair. The sky is still blue with no marks. I am not die!!!!! Yes! But where is it???
“ You will see him soon!” Se said without looking at her.
Se is not dying? I took strange looks at her. Still skimmed body but also “big” in some part. Beauty face with her short hair acted nice and cool look. Wait… I stopped, I amazed…. Her…back??? Her back’s got…wings? What a huge wings, strong muscles around its frames. Glossy, shiny feathers well developed around its skeleton, plentiful. Huh? Why is it black? The storybook said black wings is…. demon.
“Don’t stare at my wings!” An anonymous glance came towards me.
I suddenly spotted, I am sitting in a feather…Black feather, it soft and fury, even comfortable than my bed…but what’s going to happen? This incredible things…and Gaara, shall I really encounter him at once?
Darkness swallowed the lights…surround me tightly…I feel I like a bird in a cat’s claw…I couldn’t resist its seduction from deep…I want to see what in the end.
Eyelids’ pressure is coming up to me…it’s unclear, faint shallow around me…I drowned in this sea of darkness…
“Hey! Hey! Wake up!” A man dressed in Ninja waved his hand in front of me.
I can that forehand protector with their Wind Country symbol. Wait…am I really in…Hidden Village of Sand? This is…impossible! I know I am daydreaming…but this is just cannot happen…I came here…I really came here… Those golden sandy buildings…the ground is softy just like my bed…shining flickering sunshine…this is exactly how it is! Even if I am in a dream…don’t wake me…please let me in my dream forever.
“Hey! Brat, who are you?” Ninjas around me asked impatiently with innocent meanwhile their pupils bring strange feelings. Which awake me…I need to say something…I need to see…Gaara. But my lips won’t open; my body won’t move…I be too much excited too much amazed… And glad that I would have in this dream…although I know one day it will be finish…because I am not the one who could be the princess really in the story…. no, not a dropout.
“Gees, ugly girl!” They said in teasing speech with complaining, then left me behind… I have never been in this frustration before…even though I am the last one of the year grade every time no matter how hard I was…I still could surpass that original genius-Se with her damn beautiful face causes everyone fell for her.
Wait! Se! Where is she? She did come with me, didn’t she? No actually, She brought me here? But how and those pair of powerful wings is still flying in my brain? How could a human do that?
I sit still. My stomach become protest my nervous…I am so hungry…I don’t know what to do when this really becomes so real, so true…I don’t understand after all. Those view like foams, like water vapour, they can be melting through evaporation at one second disappeared…I don’t know where I am going to go…
I try to move my leg forward and stand up. I grab at sand wall, attempt to use my arms to help me get on. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have any strength at all, my fingers gasp at the wall. A gleam of pain flows from my fingertips. My fingernail started to bleed because of my weight moving all to one point. My muscle is so sour like they have been steeped in the vinegar pot for years. My skeleton seems lost its calcium…they do not support me any longer, and at the other second, I wonder they might break up against my limbs. But I have to move…I cannot give up yet…I admire Gaara…I think I can totally understand him…his feeling of receive loves, his feeling of close friend…his feeling toward his past history…I comprehended all of it, and I want to say it loudly to my classmates what it is really like…I must not to die before I did it…I need to stay alive.
The miracles coming up, my thigh begun to move instantly at a short distance, my feet can hardly bear with those sour feel. And my ankle started to get forward.
I don’t know where should I go, all the anime episodes did not even give me any clue of Sand Village’s map at all. I stopped below a building (Actually for me all of them are the same!) The door is huge with the stairs connected with entrance. My back faces the doorway, which I could lean against the door. It’s a bit cold even in the desert…wind wipe against my face. My face. Skin is not as transparent and smooth. Eyes aren’t big but small, like the star at Wind Country. Those are so tiny, so easy to ignored by people, though, they nearby the moon, that smooth, glistening, silver moon. Also, because of the moon, the stars near it can never got any chance to bear it…all for them is the destined fate-be fragile, be weak, then die as no one would notice, but in peace…in a simply life without regrets…that what my fate really are, I am happy just for it. Please, just let the wind below my smell, my dream, my happiness in to the thin air, and let them stay in mind…for hundred? Thousand? Million years.

04-06-2008, 11:29 AM
You will be able to understand what is the pain from me deeply, than any Jinuuchiki.

Dawn…Sky is blazing as the flame dancing so desperately on the volcano.
Night…Engulfed the light all over the world…as the lion beast swallow the last feather of fragile robin…
I…died…in peace…of the black.
Softness around in his sand…Blood spread out like the spark poured out from a sea of fire, there is no pain as he said…then…
My life vanished…I killed by him…that damn boy with greenish eyes like sapphire stone from deep underground…and I shall remember his red hair like blossom rose in the garden surround by butterflies.

Chapter 3

“My, my! You face still hasn’t change yet! How pretty creature you are, Se?” A girl came up with flattery, teasing voice trying to poke fun toward a figure stood in the top of the stone that slim figure with pride and power.
“ Ten don’t put you neck under the knife.” Another female voice warned cautiously with very careful gaze, stared at that figure.
“ Yea, yea, I know, I know. No.1 of the organization, the strongest person…I mean monster.” Her eyes glanced at that figure in taunt.
“ Ah!!! My arms! Damn you.” Plentiful bloods as the stream flow instantly from the shoulders on two sides. Scream and shouting release the pain from deep inside. There is no step, no sword, no actions, but hurts…the plainness moan cursed the brain…become the memories of unforgettable.
“Keep a good tongue in your mouth, No.2, so that your head won’t fall out next time.” Se’s eyelid even did not move. Long eyelashes still calm stick with eye frame. If there were really a temperature level for the voice, that voice would have been condensate all the space all the air within a few second.
“Ten!” girl squat down on the heels, she is in hesitant of touching those bloody, badly mutilated wounds. But the blood still dance at the wound, flowing like the waterfall from a high mountain, it’s unstoppable.
“ Hearse, don’t think that your power would be enough to heal her, even you are No.3, stay away, I guarantee that she won’t die.” Se warmed a slightly bit of her voice…trying to reassuringly the others.
“ Leader, My deepest sorry to say, but what are we suppose to do?” another male stand out, his pupils stared in respecting, admirable, obedient, but loyal.
“ Nothing else, but don’t be careless and be sure that no one knows our existence, especially those anonymous journalists. Dismiss.” Simply, but pure of power and noble voice in order sounded out without any doubts and suspicious.
“Yes!” Then as the wind swept through, those figures disappeared in darkness night within a second. Still, two of figure left out.
“ Se- Chan you killed Ten- Chan.” A sweetly voice poured out.
“Evilly, you ought not to be in here.” Se sighed deeply.
“ S always nicely to weakens.” A boy said in a warm smile. “ But don’t you think you overdid it a bit, I mean for bring a human child in here.” It pointed out straight, directly without hesitance.
Se did not say a word, she gazing those stars in the middle night meaning, significant in her purest blue eyes. Then, those black wings stretched quickly, surge in the sky in a blink of eyes. A gleam of wind left behind with sand drops lift by the great of force.
Se symbolized S, the strongest one among our origination as leader and the center. No one had ever known anything about her. In fact, no one would know us- the creature reborn by grudges- Black. We born because we hate…we hate the things that happens when we alive. We don’t have ages so our hatred grudges will go on forever until we killed of our careless. As a result, we are never going to escape this sea full of grudges, complains, hatred desire, lusts of blood and the truth of out faint, secretly existence. Boy stared at sky with those thoughts inside his brain.
“ Let’s go, evilly.” Boy grinned at little girl, lead along her tiny hand.
“Ken- Chan…ok.” Girl watched in relief at the sky, then they both left.
Se, be careful…you are also reckless than everyone else. Ken closed his eyes relievable, believable with the perfect curve waved in his mouth corner.
“Damn, that moron! I won’t forgive you, Se!” Ten frowned heavily; hatred grudge full of her eyes…seems blazing with angry.
“Calm down, Ten! Carry on like this you will die!” Hearse shouted to her loudly, then murmur as quiet as possible like she is talking to herself
“As expect from Se, but I am sorry I couldn’t strong enough to heal you.”
“No way, you are the Top Healing Black among us, what does it suppose to mean?” Ten screamed. Her eyes in disbelief of lost her both arms at the same time.
“ I did my best, the wound opening has been condensate, regeneration nervous cannot reach those wounds…plus…No one can ever heal Se’s faint sword apart for herself…you know that. And I don’t have top regenerative ability, you know is her.” Hearse guilty watch at Ten…she could help…no…not Se’s attack.
“ Don’t make freaking joke at me! How can you tell me I lost my arms at once all! That’s…so cruel!” Tears falling from her entire eyes…covered her face…flowing like the quiet droplet into the sea.


“ Kazekage- Sama!” Matsuri said while her breath panted hungrily.
“ What’s wrong?” The pen is scribble quickly in the documents. Red hair like rose blossom of love, Greenish eyes reflect like lake waves rippling at its rhythm.
“ A…a girl died in front of the entrance gate.” Matsuri said worriedly.
Slender figure stand out with its faith. Walk forward to the gate. Night gives horrors and thrilling feel with unsettle…Death.
Enormous door opened gently. Toshimi’s back followed its open, like leaves toppled softly in front of…Gaara.
Look down…a girl…not a pretty one: freckled faces with two thick lips, just as normal as everyone else, not even a bit more. But, she is smiling, a bright smile. Grinned nicely even in the sleep. She must have a good dream. Smoked eye corner stress the beauty of those greenish eyes. Gaara calmly looking at her in peace…smile really make people jealous…
“She isn’t dead, Matsuri, take her to a room.” The figure turned then left.
Why does she so easy to smile?
“But…Gaara-Sama!” Matsuri watched Gaara’s back figure then glanced at Toshimi…hesitating what to do.
“ I’ll do it!” Strong arms involved in Toshimi’s waist and kneel, slowly…holding by him. She is heavy…He can feel his weight obviously…

Dream. Always my best subject, I can be alive actively in my dream. No exams, No mum’s shouting at me, No teacher’s homework, And No those anonymous classmate thoughts of I am a fan girl of non-human person. I can believe what I really believe in, and I don’t have to accept anyone’s expectation. I am not care about I am a dropout or not…as long as I am in my dream.
Dream always so wonderful. So when we go back to reality, all the things just so evil swallow our pride, our thoughts and chance.
I want to be in my dream eternally, forever…never been awaken and bothered by anyone…just only…me.
Flickering shining sunshine shoot at my eyelids, I feel warmth through all of my veins flowing slowly.
I gently open my eyes…this bed is so comfortable…and soft just like my bed.
Whiteness around me…I next to a wooden wardrobe, it’s old-fashioned, seems supportable. Outside of the window…sky still default blue within clouds’ rhythm dance following. The building is…Sandy! Golden sandy Buildings with just perfect design for the desert rounded country…its shapes just like…Sand Village of Wind Country! My god!!! This is incredible…am I still in a dream? Or, I am just died in a heaven.
“You are awake!” A girl…with…ninja dressed…and…symbolized forehand protector around her neck. Black Pupils…and Short shoulder lengthen brown hair…She is …she is…
I dazed, and gazed at her dully…my throat couldn’t move…I have no words to say.
“Matsuri!” Words stand out from my mouth awkwardly.
“Huh? You know me?” She confused watching at me.
“ Sure! You the student of…Gaara!” I said excitingly. This is amazing…I talk to someone who is in the manga…the anime…she looks like so real!!! Wait! If Matsuri- Chan is real alive…then…Gaara! Gaara is alive too! (Writer: Gaara never died, Moron!) Think at there, I blurred out quickly
“ Where is Gaara? Where is Gaara!” I grab at Matsuri’s both shoulder, shaking her hardly.
“Gaara- Sama is in her office with Temari-Sama, by the way…what…” Matsuri prepared to carry on.
I stop her abruptly, and jump out from my bed…Gaara! Gaara! Wait, I am coming! I am thoroughfare as the best of my speed.
“Dang!” Kazekage office door opened suddenly with enormous thud! Gaara! I close my eyes, imagining when I hug his neck and he’s holding waist… what a beauty picture!!!
“Dang!” Another thud. Huh? Where is this cold comes from? Does Gaara really hard like sand stone????
“ Who are you, kid?” Yellow hair with two back braids under neck. Black ninja custom and folded…fan! Temari!!!!!!!! Gaara’s big sister!
“ Gaara! Gaara!” I ignored any other voice, vigorously with my vim and vigour, run to that figure, that figure with blossom rose coloured red hair…that white coat…Kazekage! Gaara!
“ Hey! Hey! Stop! Don’t close to our Gaara!” Huge fan with three points purple dots grasped my way. “Who are you, kid?” Temari frowned at me.
“ Temari- Chan, I am Toshimi, Nice to meet the real you. Please, Gaara!” I shouted loudly.
Temari frowned more heavily. What? Real me? Aren’t I real alive? Who the hell is this kid?
“ Sister, She is a stranger or may be a waif!” Male deepen voice delaying put off. White skinned faced turned…Those Greenish lake eyes just like sapphire stone. And…that Love…in his forehand…so cool!!!!!!!!! My prince! (Writer: who told you Gaara is your prince! Moron!)
“ So, you’d better sent her to orphanage, Gaara!” Temari said thoughtfully.
Those greenish eyes glance at once, then closed. He doesn’t say anything.
“Kazekage- Sama, what is the meaning of this girl?” those civiler asked.
“ She’s been picked up by me, and we don’t have clue where she should go.” Temari explained.
“…She doesn’t have any Chakra, we cannot live a strange at village.” Kankurou said rapidly…those girls always pretending they are homeless children.
“ We could sent her to the other small village’s between wind country and Water country.” One suggested.
“ We agree.” The others followed.
“ No, we cannot. Recently the reports from those village’s attacked by water country…They were complaining about water country’s horrible treating at them, therefore…Kazekage-Sama…are we just stay at see or we going to rescue those.” One said cautiously and warily.
“ We’ll see, that girl will just stay in village recently.” Good-sounded voice flow from his those lips.

Enjoy! Please Add your comment! i really need some advice from you!
By the way, We have Exams coming up soon, So i think i couldn't keep this going, i shall be back in Saturday 9th May.
Thanks for you support!

Digital Dragon
04-14-2008, 02:27 PM
I notice sections where you say you don't know something because it is an anime, but you do not make it an aside or out of character, so it reads as if the character knows they are in an anime, which is kind of ridculous.

04-16-2008, 04:00 AM
Please post all your chapters in seperate threads, thank you.