Soultaker - Soultaker

[Futamaru]

I was a frequent guest of the Lyrics Discussion (LD) board of AL.tv (altough I actually posted about 3 songs only...), and went into a hiatus due to several reason, and before I knew it, AL.tv was gone... So I am going to start a whole new life here in AL.com. Hope you guys will accept me here, as I am here to serve fans and my passion of translating lyrics...

As a starting to a brand new life, I would like to begin with this quite old song... Soultaker by Jam Project.


I was a frequent guest of the Lyrics Discussion (LD) board of AL.tv (altough I actually posted about 3 songs only...), and went into a hiatus due to several reason, and before I knew it, AL.tv was gone... So I am going to start a whole new life here in AL.com. Hope you guys will accept me here, as I am here to serve fans and my passion of translating lyrics...

As a starting to a brand new life, I would like to begin with this quite old song... Soultaker by Jam Project.


傷ついた　日々の向こうに　何が待つのか　SOULTAKER

What is waiting beyond the wounded days? SOULTAKER

凍てつく世界に　心を呼び覚ます声が　鳴り響く
孤独に怯えた　昨日を振り切って　時代の渦の中へ

The voice that wakes up my heart reverbs in the frozen world
Shake off yesterday which feared of loneliness, into the swirl of the times

今俺は　何を信じて　この胸に　何を抱きしめて　走るのか

What am I believing now? What am I embracing in this chest, as I run?

野望を蹴散らす　魂の叫び　気高く吠えろ　SOULTAKER
世界を導く　一筋の光　消えない夢を　その手で　SOULTAKER

Roar out dignifiedly, the cry of the soul that drives away ill ambitions, Soultaker!
Lead the world, the ray of light. Grasp the eternal dream, with these hands, Soultaker!

記憶のどこかで　出会った眼差しが胸を　離れない
追い風の中　夢中で追いかけた　あの愛しさは誰？？

The gaze that I met somewhere in my memories couldn't get away from my chest
Who was that who holds dear of me, chasing me from the tailwind, relentlessly?

その絆　何より強く　その誓い　どんな時だって　忘れない

This bond, stronger than anything. This oath, no how the time has become, I won't ever forget it!

闇夜を切り裂く　深紅のナイフは　涙の証　SOULTAKER
未来に伝える　熱いこの想い　すべてを賭けて　戦うのさ　SOULTAKER

The crimson red knife that rips apart the dark night is the proof of tears, Soultaker
Hand this burning emotions down to the future, putting all to bet and fight, Soultaker!

傷ついた　日々の向こうに　何を見つめて

What are you gazing at, beyond the wounded days, Soultaker?

闇夜を切り裂く　深紅のナイフは　涙の証　SOULTAKER
未来に伝える　熱いこの想い　すべてを賭けて　戦うのさ　SOULTAKER

The crimson red knive that rips apart the dark night is the proof of tears, Soultaker
Hand this burning emotions down to the future, putting all to bet and fight, Soultaker!

野望を蹴散らす　魂の叫び　気高く吠えろ　SOULTAKER
世界を導く　一筋の光　消えない夢を　その手で　SOULTAKER

Dignifiedly roar out the cry of the soul that drive away my ill ambitions, Soultaker!
Lead the world, the ray of light. Grasp the eternal dream, with these hands, Soultaker!

[AzureDark]

Ooh I love this song, so I'll be looking through this - I must say, I think you already have done a nice job on it.

1st Bridge: You could relate the running part with the heart part, sounds better since it's connected with the -te form same-tense connector:
[...] What am I embracing in this chest, as I run?

1st Chorus: You can ignore this, but I feel that the Soultaker already "holds the dreams"
You are the light that leads the world, its unfading dreams are in your hands, Soultaker!

2nd Verse: Carrying over from the first line, this "loving" is the one chasing him, not the other way round; as the first two parts of the 2nd line is the auxiliary sentence that describes "ano itoshisa wa dare". Oh, you left out 'muchuu' too...
Who is that who holds dear of me, chasing me from the tailwind, relentlessly?
using the "too much into it" form of 'muchuu', but depending on your interpretation it can also mean the other meanings of that word.

2nd Bridge: I personally love "oath" for 'chikai' better, but it's up to you.

2nd Chorus: I know 'kakeru''s kanji means to wager; but in this context it now means "putting it all on the line".
Just to let the future know of your burning emotions, give everything you got and fight, Soultaker!

[Datenshi]

You can ignore this since it's strictly personal preference, but I've always felt it easier to check the lyrics if you place your translation under each appropriate verse, so we don't have to keep scrolling back and forth and hazard the trouble of our eyes forgetting where we were.


傷ついた　日々の向こうに　何が待つのか　SOULTAKER
What is waiting beyond the wounded days? SOULTAKER

凍てつく世界に　心を呼び覚ます声が　鳴り響く
孤独に怯えた　昨日を振り切って　時代の渦の中へ
The voice that wakes up my heart reverbs in the frozen world
Shake off yesterday which feared of loneliness, into the swirl of the times

....etc.


But again, it's strictly a matter of personal preference. Anyhow, onwards.

>世界を導く　一筋の光　消えない夢を　その手で
>SOULTAKER Lead the world, the ray of light. Grasp the eternal dream, >with these hands, Soultaker!

Careful, from the context we can infer the structure is 「世界を導く一筋の光」, so the line should mean "The ray of light that leads the world". I'm afraid you might have mistook the line for 「世界を導け　一筋の光」.


>どんな時だって
>no matter when

Grammatically this is correct, but you might want to keep in mind that usually the underlying context in the phrase どんな時だって is "no matter what hardships I/we face", "no matter what kind of times befall me/us". Of course, whether you choose to work that into your translations is entirely up to you, but just to point it out.


>未来に伝える　熱いこの想い
>Hand this burning emotions down to the future

The English translation you provided comes off like a command (hand this... down), while the original line is devoid of such nuances, but is rather emphathizing, or shall we say triumphantly displaying, "this... emotion". e.g. "This burning emotion, to hand down to the future." The line is not a command but merely a statement.

All in all a superb translation. Off hand, I agree with what AzureDark's suggestions. Hope that helps rough out the edges a bit.

Er... good work?

[bluepenguin]

Overall, your translation is quite good, aside from the points that Azu-chan and Datenshi have mentioned, but I hope you don't mind if I nitpick your English a little.

>feared of loneliness
You don't need the "of" -- it should just be "feared loneliness".

>knive
It's spelled "knife" (though the plural is "knives." English is weird.)

>this burning emotions
Either "this burning emotion" (singular) or "these burning emotions" (plural).

Other than that, though, it looks good!

[Futamaru]

Sorry for the super late reply...


1st Bridge: You could relate the running part with the heart part, sounds better since it's connected with the -te form same-tense connector:
[...] What am I embracing in this chest, as I run?


Okay.

1st Chorus: You can ignore this, but I feel that the Soultaker already "holds the dreams"
You are the light that leads the world, its unfading dreams are in your hands, Soultaker!

Well, IMHO if the dreams are in his hands, it should be その手に...

Thanks for the word "unfading".

2nd Verse: Carrying over from the first line, this "loving" is the one chasing him, not the other way round; as the first two parts of the 2nd line is the auxiliary sentence that describes "ano itoshisa wa dare". Oh, you left out 'muchuu' too...
Who is that who holds dear of me, chasing me from the tailwind, relentlessly?
using the "too much into it" form of 'muchuu', but depending on your interpretation it can also mean the other meanings of that word.

Forgot about the other meaning of 'muchuu'. Sure.

2nd Bridge: I personally love "oath" for 'chikai' better, but it's up to you.

Okay.


2nd Chorus: I know 'kakeru''s kanji means to wager; but in this context it now means "putting it all on the line".
Just to let the future know of your burning emotions, give everything you got and fight, Soultaker!


Actually I know the meaning but don't know how to turn it into proper English... And also ->


The English translation you provided comes off like a command (hand this... down), while the original line is devoid of such nuances, but is rather emphathizing, or shall we say triumphantly displaying, "this... emotion". e.g. "This burning emotion, to hand down to the future." The line is not a command but merely a statement.



Well, combining both comments I have a new interpretation, but don't know whether it's appropriate or not...

Putting all these burning emotions to be handed down to the future on the line and fight, Soultaker!

Grouping the sentence into [未来に伝える　(熱いこの思い]　すべて)をかけて戦うのさ -> Putting (all these [burning emotions) to be handed down to the future] on the line and fight. Something like this...
It's like, umm, he's fighting for the existence of the future. So the emotions as the bet, if there's no future, then the emotions will be no more of use. Is it better?



Careful, from the context we can infer the structure is 「世界を導く一筋の光」, so the line should mean "The ray of light that leads the world". I'm afraid you might have mistook the line for 「世界を導け　一筋の光」.


Another new suggestion...

How about "Grasp the ray of light that leads the world and the unfading dream with those hands..."



You can ignore this since it's strictly personal preference, but I've always felt it easier to check the lyrics if you place your translation under each appropriate verse, so we don't have to keep scrolling back and forth and hazard the trouble of our eyes forgetting where we were.


Actually I preferred that too, but when I want to submit, I had a hard time rearranging the lyrics. Very well, I will revert back the common preferences.

p/s: Nice to see bluepeguin around, and I was typing late at night, so typos are unavoidable.


feared of loneliness
You don't need the "of" -- it should just be "feared loneliness".



Really? But it sounds weird.
and the translation sounds weird too, "yesterday which feared loneliness", sounds like it's "yesterday" that afraid of the loneliness, in spite of the real meaning of "yesterday which (when I still) feared loneliness". Any more suggestions?

[AzureDark]

The repiles at me first then!

Well I thought about the song a few times after I made the post. The "dream" part, well, actually what I deliberated on is "whose dream is it?" since the song never really gave an indication. It could be the world's, it could be Soultaker's, and my initial instinct was it is the world's, which the Soultaker need to carry forward.

I am known to be a poetic translator, so I often disregard the small tiny issues in particles and tenses to fit the big picture. Yes it's a bad habit. I know. orz

Anyway, for the above, it can go both ways too. Again it's now up to you. That was just an opinion.

>How about "Grasp the ray of light that leads the world and the unfading dream with those hands..."
You're putting the 'to' particle between them I'm thinking... mmm well, I really wish that I could explain how I'd translate it but I just can't. It's just hard to find the border between literal and poetic translation to make a perfect t/l so if you sway on the literal side I can't really say anything.

[bluepenguin]

Really? But it sounds weird.
and the translation sounds weird too, "yesterday which feared loneliness", sounds like it's "yesterday" that afraid of the loneliness, in spite of the real meaning of "yesterday which (when I still) feared loneliness". Any more suggestions?

Really. Just trust me on this one. You never put an "of" after "feared," you just don't. Because... that's how the verb works. English is just weird, really.

And you're right on the second point. I didn't notice that before -- anyway, in that case it should be "yesterday when I feared loneliness" or something along those lines... which is still pretty awkward, but I can't think of anything better at this time of night.

If you prefer, you could say "was afraid of loneliness" instead? (You do use an "of" with "(to be) afraid.")

ETA:

p/s: Nice to see bluepeguin around

Thanks! Er... did you have a different name on the old board, or is my memory for names just bad?