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Hypergraphian
09-15-2007, 02:51 PM
Hello. My second post on fiction and it’s a oneshot. I am drunk. So forgive me if I overlooked something. Happy reading…. *Burp*. Lol… posting this is gonna be tough. I hope I don’t screw up the buttons.

Oh yeah. It’s a little violent so excuse me. Cheers!

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Original Fiction : Skin deep – One shot

Fair and elegant, nothing could take her eyes from this angelic man before her. He was the embodiment of light, his magnificent aura a shining armor that befitted the proud successful man that he was. Her breath hitched in her throat as she watched him from across the table, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he concentrated upon a particularly interesting article about a corporate acquisition that had recently taken place. She winced slightly and her lips pursed in jealousy. Was the article really more interesting than her, she thought as she lifted the coveted cappuccino to her delicately shaped lips. He was an Adonis, the perfect man that she had always longed for and she was pained rather than pleasured with the thought of having him as her lover.

Caroline didn’t want to share him. He was hers after all. Why should the corporate world spend the entire day time with him when she was left with a disheveled Seth by night. Seth; she thought the name corny at first when she met him. But after time, she grew to not only love the sound of it but lavished in the way it rolled off her tongue whilst she moaned his name fervently in their love making. She loved Seth, deeply, madly and all she wanted to do was to ensure he never took his eyes of off her. But that wasn’t meant to be for Seth was a high flying financial trader. His world was fast paced, ever changing and definitely, more exciting. The thrill of making the next biggest profit of all time was always coursing in his veins and Caroline loathed the fact that money was her biggest competition.

She winced at the thought and suddenly, she found herself wishing that they were the only two people in their world. What would it be like to be surrounded in a blanket of white, with nothing but her naked love beside her? They would bask in the warmth of only their passion for each other and it would be endless heaven. But that was never going to be. The world held too much distraction to ever let that occur, which meant that there was only one way, one method for her to ensure he would only have her by his side forever, and that was to bind their love in death.

‘Death’ had been a lingering concept in Caroline’s head for a while now, ever since her friends decided to leave her alone in the orphanage by killing themselves through the consumption of toilet detergent when she was only a little girl. By watching their lifeless bodies with their hands still entwined, she realized that the very act was the only way to seal their connection forever and how she wished she hadn’t been too chicken to join them. Nevertheless, that was in the past and she vowed to one day experience what her best friends had gone through.

To her, the act promised a treasure beyond humanity’s wildest dreams. But she hadn’t shared her theories with Seth, for fear that her way of thinking would frighten him and worse, make him leave. Perhaps it wasn’t normal for her to want him in that way, to want to get underneath his skin, to merge her body with his so tightly that they were closer than Siamese twins. But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she buried it. She wasn’t concerned with whether he wanted to die with her or not. All she wanted was to have him in her arms forever and she was sure that when he found himself engulfed in that white blanket of bliss, he would surely forgive her.

Seth paused to lift his latte and sniffed a little at the drink before sipping it. She grew furious as he failed to even give her a passing gaze. Unable to bear the lack of attention any longer, she spoke “Seth, would you ever, die for me?” her voice permeating the silence surrounding them.

He turned to face her abruptly. He wore an expression of frustration, a little annoyed having been interrupted from his read. “Well it depends on the situation my dear.” He answered curtly before returning his attention to the acquisition news. Though his voice was a low, it was smooth ecstasy to Caroline’s ears. She let out a small sigh, defeated by the sexy serenade of his tone. However, she was determined to pursue the thought further,

“What if you and I were the only two people in this world? Would you ever want that?” she asked in an earnest voice, full of innocence that masked the underlying seething deviant growing within her.

“That would be nice but it’s not possible.” He smiled at her gently but the sweet moment was brief for he had once again, returned his attention to the papers. He casually flipped the pages in search of more interesting business articles.

The deviant within Caroline exploded. Suddenly, the knife she had used to butter a scone seemed like just the tool for her to fulfill her needs. She wondered if the knife’s firm steel but blunt shape would be enough to do the job. Perhaps she could use the jagged edges to saw through the skin on his wrists. But it occurred to her that he object was probably hard enough to force the knife right through his stomach if she used enough force. If she could only stab Seth and then slice her own hand she would be able to watch their liquid life mingle and meld into a swirling pool of blood red ruby; perhaps in that ritual they would be finally whole. Oh what she would give to smell the metallic essence of his blood and bath herself with it. It would be more than just a turn on; it would be sinfully delicious. She licked her lips at the thought as she observed his skin, his dark hair framing his perfectly sculpted features.

Yes, her friends were right, she decided. Nothing would be more satisfying than to have him cut open, to coat herself in his red velvet and to get underneath his skin. But Caroline concluded that the butter knife wouldn’t do. Instead, she’d wait till they had made love, when their bodies were as close as they could get physically. She would then ensure that the kitchen knife she’d been observing be put to its best use. Yes, she would do it tonight. She would finally pierce through his flawless cover and merge her own bodice within his.

Capernicus
09-15-2007, 03:29 PM
o_O;;; Woman, you are way too violent. I tend to not like such serious and well....absolutely crazy things. I dunno..it seems odd that he would not notice such odd behaviors on her part. He must be either blind or not that interested in her. Eh, either way, it was excellent decription.

Hypergraphian
09-16-2007, 05:03 AM
Yes, I was really violent, wasn't I? *snickers* ......... makes me wonder if I have psychotic urges really.... hmm....

CrimsonMoon
10-03-2007, 06:23 AM
Wow, I don't know. I would think a person who think like that is insane. Her way of thinking is bizarre. :X I just spot 2 mistakes: jagged 'ages' = jagged 'edges' and 'he' = 'the'. But it's interesting, so keep up! :D

Hypergraphian
10-04-2007, 04:24 AM
Wow, I don't know. I would think a person who think like that is insane. Her way of thinking is bizarre. :X I just spot 2 mistakes: jagged 'ages' = jagged 'edges' and 'he' = 'the'. But it's interesting, so keep up! :D

"Edges" Corrected. Thanks for that typo correction. I won't continue this fiction though since its only a one-shot. Furthermore, if I did continue it I think I would be banned :D Too violent for readers here. I will however post up some of my other less offensive work when they're done.

Fabala
10-04-2007, 05:04 AM
I really need to and intend to write a proper response at a later date (too filled with ideas for my own fiction =DDD), but what strikes me most about this piece is, unfortunately, a tendency for "flowery" language, to an almost overwhelming extent at some points. I suppose it IS a style, and one I was once guilty of, but I think it draws away from the rawness that is essential to this tale. I personally feel a simplistic approach would suit this best.

On a positive note, I thoroughly enjoyed what you did here. Set my mind whirling on some dark tales I've been tossing around for a long time ^^ You've sort of kind of inspired me, lol.

Capernicus
10-04-2007, 01:24 PM
Yeah, Rei Rei and Hypergraphian are like birds of a feather, what with all their needlessly morbid and depressing stories.

Fabala
10-04-2007, 03:51 PM
What's needless about it? I find it relaxing. Helps with daily stresses ;p

Hypergraphian
10-04-2007, 10:14 PM
Yeah, Rei Rei and Hypergraphian are like birds of a feather, what with all their needlessly morbid and depressing stories.

Hey, you're back :)

Yes, I did notice the flowery use of words which I will take down a notch. But then again, writing style preference is so subjective and I suppose you can't please everyone, which is why I'm having a tough time trying to decide. Do the majority prefer a complex read or a more simple approach?

On the other hand, someone once gave me a review on another story and told me that I should tell a story the way I want to tell it. It is after all my story to tell. Do you think that's just too egoistical?

Fabala
10-05-2007, 01:11 AM
Certainly you can write it any way you wish. From my writing classes I learned that sometimes it's a good idea to experiment, and tell a story another way. I've had several stories improve after I changed direction on them, sometimes as suggested by a fellow writer, sometimes on a whim.

As I said, I used to use "flowery" writing myself, so my suggestion has more to do with (I think) improving on the story than personal preference.

Capernicus
10-05-2007, 03:29 PM
What's needless about it? I find it relaxing. Helps with daily stresses ;p
Needless as in, it does not please Capernicus, so must be done away with! Gosh, must I spell EVERYTHING out to you?

Ichiro Matsuchani
10-07-2007, 11:29 AM
What's needless about it? I find it relaxing. Helps with daily stresses ;pNeedless violence is relaxing and relieves stress? o_O; News to me.


Well, my opinion of this has already been stated for me (Thanks a lot Caper. >/)

Fabala
10-07-2007, 05:25 PM
Again, what makes it needless if WE want to write that way? The story here and many of my stories rely on violent events as a base for the story, but always have their reasons and are usually essential to the plot. It may not be everyone's cup o' tea, but that doesn't make it wrong to write, or needless to write.

And yes, I do find it relaxing. When I have a lot of stressful events in my life I find it easier to relieve myself of them by writing a "violent" story than any other method. And by violent I usually mean either showing a darker side to human nature or event placing characters in emotionally painful situations.

Hypergraphian
10-07-2007, 10:21 PM
Again, what makes it needless if WE want to write that way? The story here and many of my stories rely on violent events as a base for the story, but always have their reasons and are usually essential to the plot. It may not be everyone's cup o' tea, but that doesn't make it wrong to write, or needless to write.

And yes, I do find it relaxing. When I have a lot of stressful events in my life I find it easier to relieve myself of them by writing a "violent" story than any other method. And by violent I usually mean either showing a darker side to human nature or event placing characters in emotionally painful situations.

Agreed. On an additional note, its just like varying preferences for music. If I was feeling depressed I'd listen to Muse. Others might listen to a sappy love song, which I can't seem to relate to. For me, writing a dark story like this one helps to liberate my feelings.